Is it best to have everything seperate in a marriage?

Question

In my second marriage my husband has everything seperate .His mother said when we married to have everything seperate I thought it was just weird at the time.But yes he did and I didnt even know what he made till our taxs were done.It feels strange I put in half and he puts half on home expenses.Feels like a roomate somehow.

Answer 1

Is he married to YOU or HIS MOTHER????
If you need to sign a Prenuptial but you shouldn't have to half in half with him on bills. That's not a marriage that's a business deal.
Sorry I think that's wrong.
Roommate with benefits!! lol
I would sit him down and tell him that he needs to be a man and tell him how you feel.
Good Luck

Answer 2

Yea in a way I say some things need to be seperate. How my folks do it, is my dad pays the mortgage and bigger utility bills. Sometimes if he doesn't have it I let him use my credit card or bank card to help pay for things around here. And my mom helps too if she can. But they have seperate credit card bills and things like that. They don't have a joint bank account either. I think it would be crazy to have a joint bank account anyway. I mean I know people tell you all the time if you trust your partner you would share everything. But think about it, what if you had kids, never went back to work and then suddenly got a divorce? Other than spousal support you may get and child support you get, You won't have too much real money to live on raising however many kids you may have. And with rent and utilities being high on apartments you would be struggling to make ends meet. Another way to look at it too, is like with my parents. My dad got laid off for a time and though we aren't really poor he still wanted a source of income to be brought into the house. My mom can't work she has a disability, but yea he wanted money brought into the house so he was doing all those get rich quick schemes and messed around and had to file for bankrucptcy. It was more than a good thing he had his fund and credit cards seperate from momz because, we seriously would have been poor and maybe homeless right about now. So yea you have to be smart about things, think about your kids, about where you may end up if he is the only one working. See the larger picture. Not just the warm and fuzzy moments here and now.

P.S. His mom is most correct on her advice, my parents told me the same thing and from the example up there that we been through I know not to have my money and other bills mixed in together. It was even said on good morning america one morning by their fianancial expert, that women of today have to look out more for themselves and their kids. Because guys can just get a job anywhere. Women usually are out of the work force so long raising kids and their skills are getting dull. And even in such bad relationships that the husband can freeze the joint account and keep her from the money she may need to get out of the situation. Rent the movie Enough with Jennifer Lopez that is a great example of why its not so great to share everything too. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Let me give you another point of view.
I shared checking with my husband and he used my paycheck as a way to cover his bookeeping mistakes. I tried everything to get himd to be more careful, but there was a passive-aggressive thing going on. We're talking about 2 good incomes and he is racking up the equivalent of a whole paycheck in bounced check charges. There is no excuse for it.

I got a new checking account with a credit union through my job, and had my paychecks start hitting there. As soon as that started, I took control of the other joint checking and over the next 4 months got that straightened out. He didn't realize that I had separated my deposits completely until some 6 months later. We now have savings.
We write 2 checks for the mortgage payment, then trade off on smaller bills... like I get the phone/DSL one month and he gets it the next month.

Now, if he is making significantly more money than you, and you are doing all of the housework, then you need to reconfigure the % that each pays out just to be fair.

Answer 4

It wasn't like that in the past but in todays modern society everyone needs to have a pre nuptual before they get married.
If you both contribute equally to major expenses like a house or car then those things should be split equally if you get divorced.
Living expenses should also be shared equally for the most part.
However,if things are done this way it can make it more difficult to save for a house or other major items.
In the past you could both put all your money in a joint bank account to save for these things.

Today there are more divorces and too many times someone(usually the male )gets taken to the cleaners by the spouse and their lawyer.
If one spouse is making $80,000 to $100,000 per year and the other is making $25,000 to $35,000 for example and they divorce after 5 to 10 years how is fair for the one contributing 25% or less to walk away with 50 to 70% of the assets and cash?
Sadly this seems to be what happens all to often and it doesn't make any difference if it was the wife(for example) who was screwing around.

None of this has happened to me but I have seen it happen to many people I know.

The divorce rate is around 50 to 55% and climbing, so yes it is probably better to keep things like money separate in a marriage in this day and age.

Answer 5

No, it is not best to have everything separate in a marriage and it would feel like a roommate. It is doubtful that your marriage is healthy based upon your current feelings and quite frankly, your husband sounds a little sneaky and deceptive. If it were me, I wouldn't have changed my last name to his. I would have kept it separate and kept my maiden name and I would change it now if you already did. Secondly, I wouldn't file taxes jointly even if it meant paying a little more. Why should you disclose your income to him when he obviously didn't give you the respect of disclosing his income to you prior to marriage? Third, if you are paying 1/2 of the expenses, you better be making the same amount as your husband, otherwise, you're being robbed. You should be paying proportionally. Why should you put in a greater proportion of your earned incomed toward the expenses than him and have less to save? Forth, I wouldn't leave my bank statements laying around the house for him to view.

Answer 6

In a perfect world we would all believe that when we marry that it is forever. Unfortunately it is not a perfect world. In a divorce the women generally does better than the man with the split of assets so your husband and his mother is simply protecting their investments. You would probably know this from your first marriage. Don't worry for if you can prove that you can be trusted to stay in the marriage until death than your husband will happily share everything.

Answer 7

everybody needs SOME separate space in marriage...it's not healthy to completely lose a sense of self. but if everything is separate, then what's in the marriage? it's supposed to be the union of two people...which means somethings should be shared. i don't have a separate life from my husband, though we both give each other separate space, activities, and time to counterbalance the together time. seems to me a marriage should have some of both.

Answer 8

To each his own I always say. But personally I think that your situation shows a great deal of mistrust which can't be good for a lasting marriage.

Answer 9

What is strange is that hismother made this decision for you. I don't advocate doing things seperately, but that is each couple's own call..just not the mother-in-law's business!

Answer 10

His mommy? It sounds like she is not expecting or hoping this marriage will not last. It also sounds like she is advising him to hide money in the marriage so that if it does not work out you will not know what he has. She needs to mind her own business and he needs to grow up.