Abuse in relationships?

Question

Has any one ever been in a abusive relationship?I been with this man for over four years and never been abused physically by him until 2 weeks ago.I am shocked that he did and unsure what to do.I love him, we been together a while.But don,t know what to do.

Is it possiable that this happens in every relationship and that there are none that are more perfect of better?

Answer 1

it wont get better. leave, before he gets dragged out by the cops.

Answer 2

Stop him in his tracks. I was abusive many years ago, and I can honestly say that jail and counseling was the best thing for me at the time. The marriage continued for 7 more years. I do feel that there was a lack of true love between us. But till this day I know I am a better man for having gone. I would never consider being abusive now. Also, if drug or alcohol are involved they must be stopped. But in no way should you put up with physical abuse. Put your finger in his face and let him know that if it ever happens again he can be assured that you will call the police and he can apologize to the judge.

Answer 3

I hate it when people do this but DO NOT ACCEPT ABUSE FOR ONE MINUTE. If you accept it without seeking help or getting out of the relationship the abuse will only escalate. Did you know that the greatest danger to pregnant women is their partners?!? Think Lacey Peterson. It happens all the time. Now maybe you're not pregnant, but if you've been with this person for a while, it may be that you'd like to start a family. Avoid doing that until you've straightened out the power issues that are at play here. The cycle of domestic violence is amazingly accurate. I imagine that your partner is in the reconciliation phase, treating you pretty nicely, but not talking about what happened. In a few weeks or so, he'll start getting edgy and you'll start changing your behavior so you don't "set him off." Then, one day, something inane and otherwise insignificant will set him off and you'll bear the brunt of it. You must: 1) get help for your relationship - either through counseling or an anger management course; 2) if he doesn't agree to participate in an anger management course or counseling you have to frikkin' get out of there. It will only get worse. Every day you live with this person is on borrowed time.

Answer 4

It does NOT happen in every relationship. It does NOT happen in most relationships. During the beginning of the relationship, you're both trying to please each other and impress each other. Some call this the "honeymoon stage." That's why it is so important to take a lot of time to get to know the other party. If, after he believes that you are with him for good, he begins to abuse you and is cruel to you, that is evidence of what the relationship will be for the long term. So, you need to leave now. It never gets better because he believes that you won't every leave. It always gets worse. Tell your friends every time he hurts you and call the police. LEAVE HIM NOW.

Answer 5

Well this is a situation that alot of us women have endured but some are 2 proud to say it happened to them.I've been in a relationship for over 2 years where I was cheated on,disrespected,and beat.He is 9 years older than me and to this day I still love him.I am now pregnant with his daughter.I made all those excuses why I couldn't leave but you have to decide what's more important the love of that man or your love for yourself. I didn't care enough about myself to leave but my daughter that Im carrying was all the motivation that I needed.I left packed my things and ran like a thief in the night because I found something more important to me than him.Sister I won't tell u to leave b/c only u can make that decision when you r truly fed up but love yourself more than u do him b/c I didn't and then u decide whether 2 stay or go.

Answer 6

I have been with my husband for 5 years. The first year was great. You know the flowers, the romance. AND THEN after a year my husband started hitting me whenever he got drunk. We would start fighting over stupid stuff and he would just hall off and hit me for no real reason. I stayed and dealt with it for 3 more years. The final straw was one day he decided to choke me in front of our three small children. I packed my kids and my stuff up the next day and went to the women's shelter. My husband did end up getting help and we are back together now. But after my husband did that I lost my kids to foster care for almost a year. My husband got help and now we have our kids back and things are more stable for us and our kids. So I am telling you that things can get better but you and him have to want it to. You both have to be willing. The first thing people usually say is leave him, leave him and I'll admit that most of the time I am one of those people but I am living proof that if you both want things to change they can.
I will admit that there have been times that he has raised his hand to me since then but he stops himself. If he is not willing to change then in no way am I going to tell you to stay because even if you want things to work out in the long run than sometimes you still have to leave.

And about all relationships being abusive, I wonder that myself too because 95% of the relationships that I have been in have been abusive.

Answer 7

No- it does not happen in every relationship and No- it doesn't stop- it just gets worse. Get out as fast as you can. You say you have never been abused physically by him, which makes me think you have been emotionally abused before (which is usually the first step for abusers). What to do- get out now and never, ever look back! It will happen again if you stay.

Answer 8

You really didnt describe what he did to you. Some cases of abuse are worse than others. Read the book "Why Does He do That?" By Lundy Bancroft, its a really good book and it will give you some understanding to what/why he did what he did, and there is no excuse to why anyone should treat anyone like that. Keep your head up girl, its not your fault and you dont deserve that. Dont you want a guy who gives you love and affection verus pain? No girl, I promise that this doesnt happen in every relationship my brothers were raised strictly NOT to touch any girls in anger and they stick by it and go for a walk when they get mad.

Answer 9

I was with my ex for about 4 years before he hit me for the first time. In my situation, he became jealous when I got pregnant and had a baby. He was upset because he didn't get all my attention anymore....pretty screwed up hey? But I, for some reason, stayed...mainly because after having the baby, he had me completely convinced that no one else would ever want anything to do with me. It only got worse..It actually took me years to finally realize that I could find someone else..someone better who wasnt going to blow up and start throwing things at me or hitting me when he was upset. Towards the end..he was so controlling that he was even trying to prevent me from going to work, he would unplug my alarm clock or shut it off...But, lucky enough for me, I was already internally "programmed" to get up on time, so I went to work, called my mom and asked her if I could stay with her for awhile, and when I got out of work, I went home, threw some clothes for the kids and I into a laundry hamper, and we left...Best decision I have ever made in my life. So, to contradict what some people have answered on here, yes it is possible for a man to suddenly become abusive even after 4 years, and no it won't get any better. My suggestion is to get out of there as soon as possible, and I would do it while he was gone, otherwise it could turn out pretty bad.....It will be hard, because I don't doubt that you love him...but the most important thing is to go, and to stay gone...no matter how much he cries and says that he has changed or won't ever do it again..you really have to stay strong..and everything will work out...Good luck to you!

Answer 10

No, it does not happen in every relationship. I've always heard that once a man does get physical for the first time, and the woman stays with him, he is much more likely to do it again, and repeat his behavior. You should tell him if he ever does this to you again, you will call the police and have him arrested, and then you will leave him. Then stick to your guns and DO IT!!

Answer 11

its not about a relationship being perfect sweetie. its about you having self respect, self esteem. you should proceed with caution because this beating came out of no where. it will more than likely happen again. and if so you should get out of the relationship ASAP. you both should probably seek some kind of counseling. he has some issues that he needs to give some attention too. am sure this is not the first time that he has beat a woman and am sure it wont be the last. get some for yourself if nothing else. GodBless