we have been married for a lil over 3 years but we dated for 5 years before we got married, except for 1 year in there we split up b/c i was 15 when we got together and got pregnant 8 months later, things were great for most of the first year.. we have 2 kids now, a boy (6) and a girl(18 mo)..he is always cussing me, and calling me stupid, he comes home fussing b/c he worked all day, he works in a parts store (it cant be that damn hard) we he is always telling me i need to get a job, but i cant and i have told him so many times that i have no car and we aint got the money to get one. and if i did get a job i wil be lucky to make 200 a week and by time a get gas and pay a babysitter i wont be making anything.......he never spends no time with our son...i just signed him up for boyscouts my son was soo excited and my husband kept saying he aint gonna have sshit to do with it....boy scouts is a father son thing...why wouldnt he want to do this with him...........
2007-08-29 16:09:00 · 22 answers · asked by country_girl23 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is always cussing our son, and calling him names like dumbass, stupid, things like that , and i cant stand it ..i tell him not to talk to him like that ..it just makes him fuss more...i am so depressed, why i can't i just leave and make it better for my kids... i hate the way he treats our son ...its soo wrong...i'm always extra nice to my son to make up for the way his father treats him... i have tried to talk to my husband and tell him we can make things better..he dont want to listen....i do everything for him , everyday he comes home to a clean house , clean clothes, and a hot home cooked meal...why does he act like he does.....my mom even sees the way he treats us..i tried to hide it from here but its .i'm scared its gonna hurt my kids more if i leave him...done got so bad i cant hide it anymore..she told me she is behind me on whatever i decide to do. we live at her house now b/c we dont have the money to get our own place and...
2007-08-29 16:10:17 · update #1
he aint wanting to try to get a better job to do better for his self or his family.....i don't know what to do....i'm scared its gonna be harder on my kids if i leave...but i cant stand the way he treats us...
2007-08-29 16:10:40 · update #2
there isn't many places i can work..i dropped out of school not long after i got pregnant b/c i was having alot of problems i was on bed rest alot... and i haven't had the chance to go back yet..(i will tho) and we live in a very small place there isn't many places to work..my dad had him a great job at one time working with him in the oilfield but he couldnt handle it
2007-08-29 16:21:43 · update #3
one big thing i'm worried about is when i do leave and he gets the kids everyother weekend or whatever, he will have them alone i wont be there to protect my son from what he says to him...my daughter loved her daddy.... he is good to her.... how will it effect her when her daddy aint around anymore?
2007-08-29 16:25:47 · update #4
he is 25 and i'll be 23 oct 2.....i know i have some growing up to do ..i have no doubt about that.. but i am grown enough to raise my kids right, with out treating them like dirt...he wasnt here for the 1st 3 years of my sons like he was in the navy....his b-day was the 13 if this month...he took 400 dollars and went and bought alot of hunting stuff..when we did not have the money ..i was trying to get my sons school stuff.... i am pretty sure i will leave.... i just don't know how bad it will effect my kids....i want the best for them, and i know thats not with him
2007-08-29 16:30:00 · update #5
i guess i should have added this part sooner, b/c i know this is a big reason he is the way he is but his father left his mom when he was like 7 or 8 and his father has nothing to do with him or his brother and sister....but i would think that he know what is like to not have a father so that would make him want to be the best father he can be to his kids
2007-08-29 16:42:36 · update #6
You can make it through this. I was there. First you get BOTH families involved. His and yours. You sit down and decide who will go to school first. You or him or even alternate night classes. Yes you can work and have a family member watch your child, or even work when he is not. I bet he is partly upset because he feels he is the only one bringing in a income. However that does not excuse his behavior. Does he have a father that still living? Maybe your father needs to take him out and give him a man to man about how he should treat his wife and children. When he starts in like this... don't run to the computer. Tell him THAT IS ENOUGH !!! You will not put up with it and he can pack it up and move it out. You have a lot more power in this family than you think you have. You two probably married a little young this is growing up, and that is not patronizing. Try to do the right thing for your family before you chuck it in..... but don't let him talk to your children that way. Find help through a church you are comfortable with or a community group.. As soon as you get everyone on board brighter days will come.
2007-08-29 16:31:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Having kids so young makes things difficult..been there. Just don't ever blame the kids, they are innocent. I would suspect that your husband feels trapped and stuck in a dead end hopeless condition. However, this is a selfish position. It doesn't give him the right to mistreat you, and particularly your son, the way you describe. It sounds as if you are doing what you can at the time to make things the best for him, as he is the "bread winner" right now. Counseling... yea it may help. Exercise...what... you have enough work on your hands with two kids and an abusive husband. You're gonna have to square up with him and get his attention... with a smart thud. This may be a well planned exit that leaves him alone and reflecting on "what the heck did I do". Don't run back immediatly. He's a big boy.
There are basically two types of folks... those that look out for the needs and feelings of others, and those that look out for the needs and feelings of themselves. Your description sounds like your man lands in the latter. You might be able to get his attention to become thoughtful, but if you don't only the love of God can fill the void that is in his heart and motivate a change. My sincere best wishes.
David
2007-08-29 16:46:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive marriage and are extremely unhappy. You say that you don't want to leave because of how it might affect the kids. First of all if your not happy they are not happy and he treats them bad too. I understand that you are scared because you didn't graduate and feel that you cant find a job. You have your mom and she is willing to help you. You are only 23 years old you have your whole future ahead of you why waste it with someone that treats you and your kids bad and makes you unhappy. Don't stay with him and let him be your downfall. Leave him get your diploma or GED join the military or go back to school. Talk to your mom I know she wants the best for you and your kids and let her know you do need her help and I am sure she will be there for you. Once you leave him don't look back cause he will say he changed when he really hasn't and get him for child support.
2007-08-29 18:32:43 · answer #3 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey there hes obviously got som issues and attacking u and ur son, if i were u i would leave u kinda already left if ur at ur moms that's good she can help u out, if u stay hes not goin to change it will jus b worse n worse u cant change him hes very abusive, i would get a divorce, restraining order or something along those lines i dont know too much bout that kind of thing jus tryin to give u som advice, it would b better if u were a single mom and ur kids were save then in an abusive home where ur kids may b in danger, a lot of ppl think dont get a divorce because of the kids i think it has nothin to do with the kids personally, and i would suggest som family counseling
hope that helps hun
2007-08-30 18:07:10 · answer #4 · answered by the_blue_martini_69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now it sounds more than anything like you need to think of your kids. You cant continue on with a man that says those kinds of things to you, and ESPECIALLY not to your son. If you dont do something now this anger will only escalate into something worse. You cant put your kids or yourself through that. You need to seek help, if you are determined to stay in the marriage, try getting him to counseling or anger management (threaten to leave if he wont go). And if it continues on, then DO leave. And as for the job issue my husband one time told me he couldant understand why i complained that being a mother/housekeeping was so tough, all you have to do is catch him on a day off and tell him if its so easy then you do everything i have to do, go around and make him do all of the stuff you do daily,youll have no more complaints (I diddnt)
2007-08-29 16:38:00 · answer #5 · answered by durango_girl2747 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he has bitten off a big chunk of life's sandwich and he don't like how it tastes. He's probably seeing his friends having a good ol time partying and buying toys, etc. while he is stuck at home with a wife and kids. Not to mention that he probably doesn't see anything better in his future. In short he sounds really immature. Not surprising since he is probably pretty young. Unconsiously he is probably blaming the kids for the way his life has turned out and resents them for it so takes his frustrations out on them. I don't have a lot of advice for you in this situation, he sounds like he just hasn't learned how to make the best of the situation and doesn't realize what he does have, only what he doesn't have. I imagine good times are pretty scarce, so you might want to try getting rid of the kids once in a while and take him out for some serious partying and remind him of what he does have and that in time things will get better, especially when the kids get older and the bills get slimmer. Good luck, I wish you the best!!
2007-08-29 16:23:40 · answer #6 · answered by smf_hi 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and your husband are on two separate pages.Sometimes you have to let go in order to see where you are,nothing can be worse for your children than to see the stress and arguing that is going on.Find a job,for your own well being.It will give you confidence and self esteem, find a daycare,you can afford and Throw him out.What you are going through is mental abuse.If you are staying with your mom now put him out,he will not provide a home while he is getting one free.Its hard I know but if you want a future you are going to have to be tough,a doormat is never appreciated,not even when its raining.Go get yourself a life.
2007-08-29 16:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by peppersham 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I got married and had my child in the same month I turned 18. I managed to finish school, got a degree and now hold a higher paying job than my husband. You, also can do it.
Your husband feels stress and tired... comes home and there is no peace. trust me i even feel this way sometimes. He just have to take some time for himself and see what he has now and work to have a better future.....good luck
2007-08-29 17:53:20 · answer #8 · answered by ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So this is not hard on your kids? You have support, you mother will help you with a place to stay so why are you stillwith this abusive man? your children are not going to be better off with a man that verbally abuses them and makes it known that he has no interest in them or their lives. this is not good for your kids so when are you going to stand up and start protecting them like a good mother should. This man is not going to change, if anything he is going to get worse as he gets older and his dreams fade to dust. He will take it out on you and the children so you can expect much worse as time goes on if you stay. It might be hard at first but you can make a better life for you and your children if you want to do it.
My mother left our abusive father with 7 kids in tow. it was hard for all of us and she worked very hard for a long time but we had a good life and we were all much better off with out the pain and fear he caused us all. Do the same for your kids and protect them from this toxic father.
2007-08-29 16:22:18 · answer #9 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
what are you talking about if you leave? your at your moms house. tomorrow when he leaves for work, grab a trash bag and throw his clothes in it. Seriously, it's time to take out the trash. How you live your lives now is how your children will live theirs later. Your setting examples for them now. Get rid of him. It will be hard the first 2 weeks, then you'll find someone with a real job who treats you, your children and your family with the respect you all deserve. Feel free to email if you ever need to talk. Been in your shoes before. Now happily married 11 years with an awesome guy!
2007-08-29 16:18:04 · answer #10 · answered by overworkedtiredmom 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋