I care about my husband, but I know that I stopped being in love with him a long time ago. We've been trying to have kids for 5 years now (same length of time we've been married). As much as I want to be a mother, I don't really want to have kids with my husband. He's a kid on his own and not only that, but I've fallen out of love with him and I'm currently in love with someone else.
We're about to start the IVF (invitro fertilization) in a few months, and I'm just wondering if I should go thru it or not. I feel like if I don't then, I'll never be able to have a child (I'm 30). Should I just go through it and if successful, keep the baby, still stay in the marriage for the sake of marriage or not go through it and be with someone who makes me happy? I feel like I'm getting to old and I may never be able to have a child, but I feel like I'm doing it with the wrong person as well.
2007-08-29 15:56:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Babies bring complications. If you're not in a happy, stable relationship, I can't see things working out well.
It's also cruel to your husband to be with him if you don't love him. You really need to think about what is keeping you there. If it's because you don't want to hurt him, then I'd say you still do love him (even if it's in just a friend type of way).
I personally don't believe in divorce, so I would suggest you try fall back into love with him. Obviously he has qualities you find attractive, otherwise you wouldn't have married him in the first place. Put time aside to work on your relationship and remember all the things that attracted you to him in the first place.
If that doesn't work, get counselling.
IVF can be a long, expensive and emotional process. Don't do it unless you know that the baby will be raised in a loving home (with both parents).
Also, having a baby just for the sake of having one (because you feel that time is running out) is a poor excuse.
Just my opinions
2007-08-29 16:09:35 · answer #1 · answered by choccay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all she needs to have a serious think about if she REALLY wants to end the pregnancy. maybe you can get some counselling from a pamily planning clinic, they will give you options for continuing or ending the pregnancy and emotional counselling should she decide to end it. .I am a parent and had an unplanned pregnancy at 19 while the baby's father was still at university but i made it through. I lost my home 2 years ago and am in debt because of the shortfall, but unexpectedly pregnant this year and i just had a beautiful son. i know i will manage and survive, and you both can too if you decide to keep the pregnancy. i guess what im saying is that you never know what life will hand you next, theres never a right time to have a baby and if people didnt have babies because they were in debt nobody would have them! its hard to think clearly when you are both feeling so low, you need to sort through your feelings and try not to make a decision you may regret later.
2016-05-17 04:24:09 · answer #2 · answered by tyra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand where you coming from. you should be honest with your husband, tell him how you really feel. if you have fallen out of love with your husband, then you need to let him go and let him find happiness. you say that you are in love with someone else, do you think this new guy will be a good father? i understand that your time is ticking and you want ivf, but theres a problem, you have a husband of 5 yrs, and a new guy who you barely know. your aren't happy in your current relationship, and wanting to move on, but you dont have much time to wait for the new relationship to get to the point were you begin talking bout children. by that time you could be in your mid 30's..if the new relationship work out. do you think that if the new guy wasnt in the picture, you could possibly love your husband again?besides being a kid, what has your husband done to you to make you not love him anymore? dont be so selfish, you cant have your cake and eat it to. stay with your loyal husband and do the ivf....or move on with the new guy...and hope you're able to do the ivf within a few years.
2007-08-31 07:46:16 · answer #3 · answered by datchik 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO Do not have a child with this man you do not love. Please do not bring a poor child into this situation. You need to end your marriage and start a new life before you think about having children. You do not love your husabnd and want to go through the motions? How is this good for any children you might have? Do you really think they will not notice? Children do not make relationships better they put strain on the best of relationships and destroy shakey ones. Stop trying to have a child with this man and get free so you can find a man you can love enough to have children with and make a family that will last a lifetime. You just wasting your time with this man and you will be committing a crime to have a child just born to suffer the pain of a loveless broken family. Think of the child. PLEASE.
2007-08-29 16:10:50 · answer #4 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why make a bad situation worse? If you can do IVF with the current then you can of course do it with the one your really in love with. I know how you feel about the whole baby & running out of time thing.But thats no reason to have a baby with a person you absolutely have no feelings for. That could be the biggest mistake of your life! Stop trying with him, tell him how you feel, make a decision to stay or go, then figure out what you want to do with the IVF new guy etc...
2007-08-29 16:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by In♥w/mykids! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why bring a child into a loveless relationship? Go for counseling first. If you still feel this way, do not have a child. For goodness sakes, you may be 30, but you are thinking like all those little teenagers who are having babies.
2007-08-29 16:11:48 · answer #6 · answered by MKC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you stay in a relationship when you don't love them? you aren't doing him any favors. he deserves to be loved and you deserve to love. i think you know the answer to your question already. i think you need to tell him how you feel. maybe you could discuss different things like a marriage counseler. they can really help. if you give it all you can and it doesn't work out then at least you can say you tried to make the relationship work. don't bring a child into a loveless marriage because it will just make life harder for the child.
2007-08-29 16:11:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! You wouldn't want your kid to end up miserable. Remember, having a kid doesn't equal a happy marriage.
2007-08-29 16:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it, i will see you on DR. Phil in a couple years
2007-08-29 16:17:36 · answer #9 · answered by shmee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go with your instincts....don't have a baby with your husband if you don't love him...it's not fair to either of you, and it certianly wouldn't be fair to the baby. tell your husband how you feel, and be honest with him.
2007-08-29 16:09:51 · answer #10 · answered by tweetybird37406 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋