Long story short: I quit a higher paying job to go into daycare to save money and be with our disabled son who was having a hard time in daycares. I am enjoying spending time with him and am going back to school next year for business when he starts school. Hubby is in sales and makes good money now. He has treated me like sh** since he started the job. He calls me names like stupid and bit** all the time. He is never home and insults me when he is. It is like he is arrogant all of a sudden and I hate it. We discussed this plan and he thought it was a great idea for a year. Now I feel so helpless depending on him when he calls me names. Now he wants to sell my car I worked so hard for out from under me and stick me with a 25 yr old clunker!!!!!!!!!!!! I transport our child around in the car!? What do I do here? I almost wanna get a job like I had back and say f you!
2007-08-29 15:04:47 · 21 answers · asked by Samantha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are aware that this is verbal abuse right? do not stand for it. You stand up for yourself. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he is not to speak to you that way and never to call you stupid again. You let him have it the very next time he does it no matter how casually it is done. You flip out on him you hear, throw the big fit and tell him off good remind him of why you are doing what you do and remind him of how difficult life is for you and how he is not helping. Tell him that you are not going to tolerate his behavior and he can change or get the H*** out. You want the element of surprise when you hit him with everything you got. Let it loose all the hurt the things you have held in everything you have been wanting to say, get it out, lay him out. Get it all off your chest and tell him to like it or lump it. You will feel much better and he will think three times before he ever calls you stupid again. Trust me it got my husband to stop using the b word and raised his level of respect for me through the roof. it will work for you too and at least you will have gotten all that resentment off your chest.
2007-08-29 15:15:33 · answer #1 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably thought it would be a good idea at first but maybe didn't anticipate all of the stress is he possibly dealing with now. Maybe he is just really stressed out (now that he is the only one bringing home money and sales can be very hard) and probably even feels jealous of the fact that you get to stay home. I'm guessing that he may not be coming home because he may just really want some time to himself and take his mind of everything. Maybe try giving him his space when he's not in the mood.
From my experience, my husband will always tell me he would like to be the provider and let me stay home. But as soon as I am in between jobs or whatnot and am not working, his whole attitude about it is completely different. He will start insulting me, but not to the degree you are experiencing.
But I do suggest that you do demand respect from him. Do not allow him to think it is okay to treat you that way or else he will only continue to do it and possibly even worse. Maybe try to talk to him and see if he feels differently now that you are carrying out the plan you previously agreed would be a good idea. From there, try to figure out something else that will work out better for the both of you.
2007-08-29 22:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to HAVE to sit down and talk to your husband about the way he is treating and talking to you. A friend of mine was out of a job for a few moths due to illness, and her husband started doing and saying the same things to her. That was over 20 years ago, and although she has since been working, he continues to call her stupid, a B**** and worse. He treats her like s*** all the time as well. Her children are now adults, and have grown up seeing and hearing his treatment of her, and they now speak to her as if she is rubbish as well! He has dominated her to the point where she no longer has any confidence in herself, and even though she is earning a decent salary, has to ask him for every cent she wants. She no longer has the confidence to leave him, having been told for over 20 years that no one would ever want her, because she is a stupid C****, worthless as a mother, housewife, wife, etc. , and generally just doesn't even deserve to be in this world. Please talk to your husband, and tell him that you will not accept his treatment of you, before the same thing happens to you. If he is willing, do go to a councilor, so that he can be made to understand that what he is doing is WRONG, and that it may lead to the end of his marriage if he does not stop it and treat you with more respect. Wanting to spend time with your disabled son is admirable, and he should back you in it, and respect you for it.
2007-08-30 03:37:57 · answer #3 · answered by sparrow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have kicked him out the first time he started calling you names. If you don't take care of this now by kicking him out he is going to think he has card blanch and is going to treat you like dirt. NO stop it now it is better to be with out him then with him at this point. Kick him out and see how he likes it when he has to pay the house and the car and give you money and then still have to pay where ever he is going to stay. Tell him if he treats you like this that your putting him an warning that you will file for a separation, tell him no one is going to treat you like dirt..But you must not say this if your not ready to follow threw with it. Don't go get a job just to keep him because next will come a different reason to him treating you like dirt.
2007-08-29 22:38:55 · answer #4 · answered by LittleDaisy. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. What's more important, his new arrogant attitude or your son honey? And who says you have to take that attitude. That man has no idea what it is like to care for a disabled child, let alone other children just to afford you that opportunity. I'm thinking you ought to throw some of this back at him to put him in his place. Do the math. Add in the amount day care cost, a personal assistant (to run your errands), a maid, and a chef. I guarantee that amount triples his measley salary. Then tell him if he doesn't knock off his crap, you'll divorce him, take half his paycheck in alimony and child support and find someone who has his priorities straight. Sometimes you have to fight fire with the strength of God honey.
2007-08-29 22:17:00 · answer #5 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband resents having to be the major earner in the household right now, as he should. It's not fair to him for you not to be contributing. I might be wrong, but it sounds like your daycare business has either not started or isn't doing well. Things are not going as planned and you're not contributing enough. With plans of going back to school too? Well that's even more of a financial burden. This situation seems to be causing money problems, more stress on your husband and resentment towards you for not doing your fair share.
Of course, your husbands treatment of you is just as wrong as your treatment of him. You two need to talk and work this out and if that means you going back to work and properly contributing to the family like a real woman would until things get better settled, do it.
2007-08-29 22:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time for you to get a job and show that husband of yours that you are not stupid. Do not let your guard off. Do not depend on a man that call you stupid. Make your own money no matter how much you want to spend time with your son. For your own sake and your son go back and just go from there. You need to get your confidence back you do not have to put off with his name calling.
2007-08-29 22:29:48 · answer #7 · answered by leyte02 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him sell your car hide the title if you have to that is simply ridiculous. how long have you been together? He is technically verbally abusing you and manipulating your situation maybe there is something else going on like could he be cheating? you really need to check out everything cuz if he wasn't like this before something really had to change him. No matter what though you do not deserve to be treated that way , you also have your son to think about how does all this effect him. I suggest talking logically to him if that doesn't work honey get the hell out before it gets worse!
2007-08-29 22:33:23 · answer #8 · answered by anitf26 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is verbally abusing you, that is going to turn into control...where he will complain about you spending HIS money on things like food, clothing etc. He will tell you your friends aren't good enough and he won't want you to hang around them. Next comes the physical abuse. If you want to stay married to this man I suggest you get counsling to find out how to deal with this man, because HE is not going to go for counseling (He doesn't feel he needs it). This is a "wake up call"...start thinking of YOUR next move before it gets worse.
2007-08-29 23:05:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to set this a**hole straight right now. NOTHING is more important than your children -- and if this little buttwipe doesn't feel the same way then you two need immediate counseling. You may even consult a lawyer (a very vicious lawyer..) and put him on retainer just to be safe. I smell big trouble down the road if you two can't get a grip soon.
Damn, what a piece of s*it. He makes all men look bad.....
2007-08-29 22:14:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋