2007-08-29 14:52:10 · 24 answers · asked by Kare Bare! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is hard because it really is up to you and your instincts. It's really, really easy for everyone to say to you to not take him back when they don't have the love for him that you do. My husband of 10 years cheated on me 2 years ago when I was in my 8 month of pregnancy. I suspected something was wrong and started looking for answers. I communicated, was upfront about what I was feeling, but he never fessed up and I couldn't pin point or prove my suspicions. 1 1/2 years later, he finally told me that he was having an affair, and wanted to make things right. The problem with this is that it was more than a physical relationship that he had with the girl .. it was also an emotional one .... in other words, he loved her and he expressed that to her. Because we have kids, mortgage etc. it's hard to just drop and go. I had to weigh in the fact that he is a great husband (we have alot of fun together), he is a great father, a great provider, a great friend etc. .... it wasn't an easy decision. We decided on counseling which didn't last long because I was so focused on finding answers on WHY he did what he did (I almost wanted someone to punish him, like a parent would do to a child), but the counselor focused more on fixing our communication ... it just didn't work for me at that time, it's not what I wanted to hear. Now 2 years later, I'm still with him and it's been a struggle for me. Our relationship is great but I can't forget what he's done, nor can I honestly say that I forgave him ... yet. He did tell me during his confession that he would do whatever it takes. I'm still struggling with trust issues, but he continues to prove me wrong in everything that I get suspicious about... so little by little he is restoring my trust. It's a long process, longer than I expected and probably longer than he expected, but I believe he realized the damage he's done and the work that's involved in fixing it. I believe I've read that only 35% of marriages survive infidelity. It's ALOT of work, but I believe in what I have and so I'm fighting for it. My instincts go back and forth everyday, so I really don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I'm trying to stay positive because of the belief I have in our marriage. I mean I could leave, but what's to say the next person won't do the same thing ... if it ever happens again with my husband, than it will be a no-brainer.
2007-08-29 19:06:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand your situation. I have taken a cheater back. My ex was cheating on me for 2 years and I ended up giving him chance after chance after chance in hope that he would change and he didn't stop even after I fell pregnant and after the birth of our daughter. No matter how many times he told me he stopped, he never did. He just learnt to hide things better. Even after I finally left for good he still believes that I will come back because I always have before. All they end up doing is taking you for granted because you let them get away with it before.
It is not worth the heartache. You will never completely trust him again and there will always be a doubt in your mind. You will continue to wonder when will be the next time.
If this was a one night stand, I do believe there is a possibility for a reconcilliation and over time you can heal with a huge amount of effort on his behalf. He has to seriously work at getting that trust back. It's up to him to show you why he's worth it.
My best advice is to trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, then it's not.
2007-08-29 22:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
think it would be a hard decision that would take some time would love to say no way but once you are in the situation it will probably be a different story but do think we would have to take a break for a while and he better be faithful during that time until i decide if i want him back
2007-08-30 03:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by Kelli sue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I took a boyfriend back once after he cheated on me. Guess what happened? He cheated again.
2007-08-29 23:41:38 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I am going to be honest with you,,
It is really up to you if you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you wont be able to trust... its a hard thing because you will be in a unhealthy relationship, they need to earn there trust back,,, but it wont be 100% sure that they wont do it again...
I hope that everything goes well for you
Good Luck
Leens
2007-08-29 23:26:58 · answer #5 · answered by leena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did that to my ex. He cheated on me but still I took him back.
Now, if my husband cheated on me, I won't take him back.
I don't want to make the same mistake again. I've learned my lesson. If someone cheated on you and you forgave them, they would take you for granted and cheat on you again.
Cheaters deserve no second chances.
2007-08-29 22:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by ♥♥♥MiSSY♥♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the circumstance. I've been married 22 years. That's a long time and I love my husband very much. If it were a one night stand or something like that, then I think I could forgive him and continue to work on my marriage. Trust would have to be earned again, but I think I would stay the distance with him.
2007-08-29 22:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Depends on the circumstances. I also believe that only the person being cheated on could possibly make that decision.
2007-08-29 21:59:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some people do but the guy that cheated on me hell no
2007-08-29 22:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by Mac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's the honest truth. I've seen it time and time again.
2007-08-29 22:15:22 · answer #10 · answered by writer272002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋