Why can't I stay faithful?

Question

No matter how much I think I'm in love, I always winde up cheating around on my mate. I try to control myself, But I'm a sucker for an attractive person. That doesn't mean I don't love my mate. I do. But I have sex with other people and I've been like this since I was 15 and I'm 33 now. I'm afraid that I don't know how to love. What is wrong with me? What can I do to stay faithful? Serious answers only please.....

Answer 1

You may have a sexual addiction. I mean everyone looks at other people, and most think and even fantasize about what it would be like with another person you find attractive, that is just the way of life. Your issue is that you act on your instincts. That is damaging, to both yourself and any relationship. You should, I think maybe, seek a councilor or therapist and see why you have this issue. I have had many opportunities to cheat on girls I was dating, yet never did. I always have thought that it is far better to leave them or they leave me, than hurting someone by cheating on them. You say you love them, yet your actions show just the opposite of that. I feel sorry for you, by doing this you maybe trying to screw your relationships up. I mean, you may have a degree of fear of having a committed long lasting relationship. You seem not associate sex with love, are doing it for another reason. Do you have self control issues? Like do you get mad easy, and are not able to control your temper? You sound like you are more focused on the here and now, and not any long term rewards? Did you go to college, and graduate? I ask because that is a long term goal, and some who drop out or do not go to college do so, because they are more interested in immediate self gratification. That is not good. You have been this way since you were 15, so why? What started it? Were you doing it for acceptance, with others that you wished liked you? I think you really should see a therapist about this issue, it is a very damaging trait to have. There is an underlying cause that is causing you to act and feel this way. That is what you need to look at, and ask yourself about, and figure out what it is, and then how to fix the problem. I wish the best of luck to you! =)

Answer 2

This a tough problem. I have be married longer than your are old and have never cheated.
I can only speak for myself. I love my wife with all my energy and I think it would rip her heart out if I did such a dastardly thing. It would be so demeaning to both parties.

Perhaps you should seek professional help and above all God's help. Read and study what the Bible has to say about this type of activity.

Ask yourself how would you feel if he cheated on you? If you do not care, then a bunch of us must pray for you. Your morals (in my opinion) are lacking.

Please, I am not condemning, just trying to help.

Answer 3

u are narcissistic, and self;f serving, and u make rash quick judgments without thinking of whose life your hurting. so try leading a more balanced life, delay gratifications, accept responsibility, if u really loved your mate u would not run the risk of hurting her, u would think before u made your choices. focus on your marriage and a new beginning, there is no excuse for cheating, and what goes around comes around, and when your the one who is hurting u will see it a little differently. u may cheat because it boost your ego, makes u feel wanted and desirable but u really don't get your self worth from cheating on your spouse, in fact it will only hurt u later on, especially if your wife finds out.

Answer 4

Therapy may help you.
I do believe if you are truly in love with the one you are with....you would not do what you have been doing since you were 15 years old. What's wrong with you...maybe you are just not satisfied, maybe you have been kidding yourself about being happy in/with your life. I think counseling would be the best answer.

Answer 5

Faithfulness and commitment is not a feeling, it is a choice. You may need to find out what void you are trying to fill. Often hurting people no matter how they try not to will hurt other people. you need to work on you before another relationship.

Answer 6

sadly, this question sounds like a backwards mating call.

even sadder, it got my attention, and interest...

i guess you just have to wait until it's out of your system...

it doen't mean you can't love, just that you don't want to make the sacrifice of being faithful...

it really can be a sacrifice (so many missed opportunities) :(

Answer 7

Don't put yourself in situations where you are tempted. Its not like you can have sex (at least legally) at work or somewhere in public. Avoid temptation. Smile and look the other way. Fantasies are wonderful!

Answer 8

Perhaps it feels too risky to be commited, Deep down you know the answer, it's usually the quiet voice inside that speaks to you...what you assume is probably accurate.

Answer 9

See a counselor about that. They can give you the best help im sure.They can help you figure out why you cant stay faithful and they can help you figure out how you can. You know, diffrent methods to help you stay with one person:-)

Answer 10

Have you ever considered that you might possibly be polyamorous? Do you ever experience pangs of heightened sensual/erotic stimulus, as if near uncontrollable urge? Do you fantasize much? Do you enjoy sexual fantasy? How often do you dream sexual-related fantasy, or appearance of evident or hidden desire towards someone you know?

It is possible to love more than a single person, but that does not mean that your mate/spouse or significant other would necessarily agree with any perceived infidelity. To give you a thorough analysis would require much more strict diagnostics for which you would need to consent and then avail absolute truthful answers. Most people do not necessarily wish to open such closet doors, even to a therapist. Simply they will offer but limited information, yet expect exceeding benefit in return.

My suggestion, at least ask yourself this much: is your current relationship truly satisfying? If so, do the external affairs offer additional satisfaction? Do you enjoy sex as much as implied, and if so, is it a typically routine concern, e.g. daily, most of time, some of time? If your present relationship is not that fulfilling, do the external affairs offer comfort of that void? If asked, do you have sex because you like sex, or because you need sex, would your answer be yes to both?

Though most people think nymphomania as mere myth, satyriasis foremost perceived akin to a tiny fragment of the male population endure near similar. Relevant to satyriasis, females of akin motivation/need can not always refrain from opportunity to achieve sexual delight. Yet, if the delight appears as a need towards a number of individuals, esp. of a more promiscuous nature, then it could be a more polyamorous or nymphomanic symptom. If the same more easily satisfied through repeated sexual satisfaction with the same individual it are in fact more nymphomanic and not at all akin to any discernible polyamory. Yet because polyamory speaks more to presumably multiple subjects, typ. same group of multiple subjects, does not explicitly denote any nymphomanic symptoms. More typically true nymphomanic-like symptomology pertains to diversity of need and subject, even sometimes promiscuous endeavor, else the subjects have been hand-picked for related purpose, less typical committments.

Women go through different stages of life. So do men, but male hormones and male aspiration endure distinct of women. For some women your symptoms could be considered a temporary condition due some pubescent, post-pubescent, pre-menopausal, menopausal, post-menopausal state. Yet, difficult to explain, to some extent it could also be more akin to some inexplicable life-long condition. For some this results from exceptional desire/need to be loved or accepted. For others, there exists no known etiology with certainty, only that the woman's needs endure significant, even to such extent she may not offer the fidelity that her or her spouse/mate might desire.

In some rare cases, though ult. more, some prostitutes denote signif. symptomology. Although it is presumed most such endeavor endure because of some more pragmatic need, as financial gain. For other prostitutes, they are not even themselves certain of their aspirations, esp. whereas other options were available. The latter mentioned more akin to victims of early abuse, esp. physical and emotional abuse, e.g. people whom feel downtrodden, overwhelmed, as if their spirit had been crushed.

Yet, some women of nymphomanic-like symptomology oft. fantasize or contemplate courtesan-related experience or opportunity. Not due mere financial opportunity, but moreso a matter of available selective opportunity, and also due concealed lack of self-esteem, or previous mentioned "emptiness" or void. Truthfully dynamics inherent of both nymphomanic-like symptomology and also even polyamory may not be construed as deriving of a single cause. Notedly, confessed polyamorous do not view their needs as any aberation or abnormality, for them such endure as common as to someone of a purely monogamous heart. In fact numerous polyamorous individuals expect equal fidelity from related subjects/lovers, the same as they likewise profess to offer in return. Simple multiple love vs. singular love.

I hope this trite bit of information be of some benefit. At first glance it might appear as if prescription or excuse for the sexual behavior you describe. But realistically this information derives of significant research over a number of years, of women of varying walks of life, profession, social-economic status, married, divorced, widowed, and single. Relevantly, the findings of the research involved were embraced by me personally, records made available to no other person.

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Added Remarks:

The above information offered by mere citizen, heuristic scientist by sheer virtue of skills/efforts, not intended as any absolute expertise, yet nonetheless held of relevance by the same. This user assumes no responsibility for the information offered, nor intends the same as any prescription towards therapy or other, but instead as mere information made available to interested parties. This disclosure offered of user's own volition, as of this date: August 29, 2007.