My friend finalized her divorce 3 weeks ago. The day after it was final, she had a co worker move into her apartment and had her son start calling him Daddy. Now she says they are getting married at year's end. This is CLEARLY a rebound to me, and her family. As a friend of the famliy, how can I convince her that she needs time to heal from her failed marriage before making another mistake. She has stopped going to church and is kicking her mom out for someone she hardly knows, and I want to be there as a friend, but fear she will shut me out too. Any advice on how to get through to her before she says "I DO?"
2007-08-29 12:24:29 · 13 answers · asked by That guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just talk to her nice. Maybe raise your voice a bit but calm. Say you know that it was all good when your mom was living with you. Do you know how long you and this guy have known each other. What if you didn't know some things about him. What if he killed somebody! You don't know. Just tell her to wait a bit and see if she really likes this guy. If not just tell it straight to her face that shes changed. And you think the world of her and that you don't want anything to happen to her. Maybe that will make her think twice about the decisions she is making. Hope everthing works out alright. Good luck!
2007-08-29 12:35:46 · answer #1 · answered by gurly_gurl230 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically you can't do anything. She is an adult and has her own mind. You may feel she is making a mistake but it is not your life or decision.
If she has doubts, she will tell you. I can imagine it could be hard when the ones we love are clearly to us making a mistake but all we can do is be there for them if they wish for us to be. Don't constantly voice your opinion to her on the topic for it will only propel her to move forward with her plans. Just try your best to appear supportive and if she ask you what you think, then you should tell her. Good Luck.
2007-08-29 19:35:18 · answer #2 · answered by flirty30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in situations like this, the best thing to do..... is nothing. I know you care about your friend and only want to help, but you have to let her make mistakes and learn from them.
you telling her she's making a mistake is only going to push her away. so let her get married and then divorced in a few months. Sometimes a person has to fall a few times before they can stand on their own.
2007-08-29 19:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by thick & beautiful 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can try talking to her but she has to live her own life and make her own decisions. You can't decide how much time she should wait before being with someone. The divorce may just have been finalized but I'm sure it's been awhile since she got separated.
2007-08-29 19:38:01 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I'd be willing to bet she's known him longer than you think. If she moved him in the day after the divorce was final, this has probably been going on for a while. Who knows, may even be the reason for the divorce.
Why didn't she tell you? You're judgmental and think you know better than she what is best for her.
2007-08-29 19:54:42 · answer #5 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Despite your fear, this friend of yours needs a large dose of reality. Be the one to give it. Be blunt. Sometimes, that gets people's attention best. She may be angry with you initially but your words would definitely bounce around in her head until it sinks in. If she is truly a friend, she won't end your relationship with her over it and may even thank you later.
If she doesn't realize it now, she will just repeat the cycle and drag other people through it (this new guy) as well as her young child. What a fine example being set for him here, BTW.
2007-08-29 19:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by christyn79 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be supporitve, listen when she needs to talk and let her fall. There is nothing else you can do for her. Just be her friend.
However if she asks what you think of the whole situation, let loose on her *** and let her know what an idiot she has been. You get the picture.
2007-08-29 19:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can state your concerns to her and then just leave it alone. It has to be her decision to end this relationship not yours nor her family. If this relationship doesn't work, you all need to be there for her. If she end her friendship with you and turn her back on her family because of this guy, who will she have to turn to if things don't work out with him. She will feel awful and will not be able to come to you guys for support because she will not want to hear from you all saying "I told you so". As hard as it is for you, just stand back and be there in case she need you.
2007-08-29 19:40:49 · answer #8 · answered by lisaraye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing you say or do will convince your friend she is making a mistake, all it will do is alienate your friendship with her.........all you can do is wait....and be a good friend if it clearly is a mistake...but she is an adult and gets to learn those all on her own.....,.it's a bummer I know, but she and only she can make decisions for her life
2007-08-29 19:36:34 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you value her friendship, it's best you let her make her mistakes. She seems head strong about doing this, and will resent anything you do or say otherwise. Some people are gluttons for punishment.
2007-08-29 19:32:58 · answer #10 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋