How do u forgive your parents and move ahead??

Question

My life has always been dictated by my parents as a result i've always been a very timid person, not able to decide for myself and 'am easily intimidated by people around me. Now since i have a family of my own, is there something i can do to forget everything and move on to be a better me.

Answer 1

This may sound stupid, but any 12 step program will teach you how to forgive, put things behind you, and really find out who you are. Have faith in a higher power that you will be able to move on. DO NOT let fear stop you from doing what you need to do. Once you cross that path for the first time,,it may be scarey but you will get used to it and it will be sooooo good!

Answer 2

Maybe an assertiveness training class?

That won't help forgive your parents, of course, that can only happen by you recognizing that they probably had good intentions, but were misled by the common wisdoms of their time, or as many parents do, by drawing upon their own upbringing.

If you feel seriously maladjusted, some counseling might get you kick-started in the right direction, but in the long run, you'll need to start sticking up for yourself and your family. Just be careful not to go overboard and turn abusive. A little assertiveness goes a long way, too much can get you more than you bargained for.

Answer 3

The core of all your unforgiveness is fear. Not fear of your parents but fear of what you may or may not be capable of on your own. First begin to trust in yourself. Start with baby steps. Something like taking a college course, applying yourself diligently, and then passing with an A could work wonders. Or start a project like building a dresser drawer or something a little complex like that. When you finish it and it's all polished and beautiful, it will start to build confidence within yourself. You have to believe that you can effectively do and accomplish what ever you set your mind to.
As your confidence begins to build search within your heart to start letting the past go. There is nothing that your parents did or said to you that can stop you from achieving success and happiness. You just have to desire to let it all go. Go back in your mind and remember all the situations that caused you the pain you feel about it all today. One by one speak to them (the situations). What I mean is encourage yourself. Imagine that each situation is a mountain or a giant that won't move. You have to tell each giant/mountain that no matter what harm, hurt, or danger it brought to you, it didn't kill you. The fact is it made you stronger, you just don't know it yet. Think of it, if you were to prepare to fight someone who was bigger than you, you would have to go through training. Training is difficult, heart wrenching, mentally taxing, and stressing. But when you are ready to fight you are stronger than before the challenge called you out. Every time your parents did or said something that hurt you, you were in training. Each time you felt the pain your power muscle (power to overcome it) got stronger. You are able to defeat the pain, hurt, and shame you are more ready than you know! Life has been preparing you all this time but you've got to walk right up to that giant and battle it down. The fact is it’s already defeated and you've already won over it. Finally, forgiveness can only happen when you realize that your past has NO power over your present and future! Your parents probably administered the same brand of parental rearing as they experienced, which means that they themselves are hurting. Think about that and it will help you to forgive them because you'll realize that the same confidence and love you need is what they desperately need as well. The fact is there is no other way around it. You'll have to forgive them so that you can keep the confidence you build. Try an exercise whereby you get a mental picture in your head of their true condition (in denial, hurt, and unaware of their state) and have sympathy for them. I don't mean that you think of them as a couple of sorry unfixable people. What I mean is see them as wounded and helpless. There are some wounds that people go on ignoring until it’s too late and that’s when they become helpless. Develop a heart of mercy for them and that will lead to a deeper understanding of love at some point. It will be far better and easier to forgive them when the love you feel for them supercedes the pain you felt in what they did to hurt you. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

I was going to attempt a long winded answer but there are already a load of good ones here.

Take your destiny into your own hands. Read about being assertive and dominant. Role-play with your wife. Practice standing up to her (with her consent) and you may even improve your sex life.

People CAN change. Believe me. Screw that. Believe in yourself. You just have to want it for yourself. You can let go of the past and find a new you that you never knew you had. That's alot of you's.

Anyways, we all have strength and room for improvement. You just have to work hard at it and challenge yourself. Everything will be ok. Talk it over with your parents too. Maybe you should start standing up to them. This could instill within you the confidence you're looking for.

Answer 5

You cannot change the past, but you can shape the future. Your parents were wrong at their part but since you cannot do anything about it, you have no other option than to forget and forgive what they have done.

See no parent on this earth will like to give a bad upbringing to their kids, but sometimes you dont understand what is the correct way to do it. May be your parents intended to make you disciplined but their way were wrong!! They wanted to protect you, but they over protected! Dont blame them completely for what you are, its wrong at your part as well.

If you really want to be happy try to give the best to your kids. Whatever you feel that you have missed an whatever you think was wrong at your parents part, you can improve on that as a parent now and work towards the future of your kids.

Answer 6

It seems your parents were very ambitious about you. Your parents wanted to see that u are very successful in your life. If you felt like they are dictating to you, it means you have spend a lot of time nagging them in your mind. You have day dreamt a lot rather than to fulfill your own or their dream. U will be a better u if you try to be a good achiever of your dream. U should believe in one super power. If you are right, if you think your decission is not hurting anyone then go ahead.It means its His order and you are only following it. Why you are worried????? Time is a very big factor. Everything gets settled on time. If you don't understand this you will make your spouse's life miserable too.

Answer 7

It is very hard for a person to know how it has really affected you in your life just because of poor parenting skills. It is important to first of all acknowledge and talk about this openly to your parents how it has affected you in your present, they have to know how you feel about it and let them know that you are not going to allow this to happen anymore. They did the damage, and you are going to fix it, its nothing worng to express this to them. Its ok if they feel bad, because being adults they did not think how it affected you, you are feeling miserable right now. If you dont confront them about this the anger will remain within. and forgiveness is not possible, forgiveness come only after an apology. I know they are not going to apologize but when you speak up for yourself you are surely going to feel good because this is taking care of yourself, if you dont take care of yourself who will???
YOU will be going through this many time in your future life everytime there is someone who is controling these feelings are going to be triggered within you, so be aware of this. just tell yourself this is comming from your childhood experience. it s your child reacting not the adult within you, So what will you do, tell yourself that as a child you had no control on others, but now you are an adult, and hence can control your situation, learn to be assertive and speak for your self, you can openly say that intimidating statements you dont want to take, in stead you prefer to talk out the differences. Initially it may be difficult, hence you can always tell the person that you would like to come back and talk and that you want time. This will make you a bit calmer and think, and then react. It needs a conscious effort. So dont give up, you will help yourself believe me.
Good luck in your new life!

Answer 8

Well, first you cannot blame your parents for being timid. they may have had alot to do with it, but is it really fair to put ALL the blame on them? Second, you just need to move on, it you try to talk to them about it, all that will do is upset them. It will not change anything. You now need to focus on yourself to be the person that you want to be, and focus on your family and be the best mother, wife, that you can be. Life is great, enjoy it. You can do this alot better without anger.

Answer 9

Forgiveness is the Art of Humanity and you have to be the bigger person and forgive them no matter what they have done to you.

At the end of the day they are the reason why you exist on this planet today.
And you must not forget that you Inshallah will have children some day as well so do it for them.

I know its difficult to forgive them but they are your parents and the reason for you existance.

Answer 10

do u mean forgive your parents or forget about your parents. U do not forgive your parents, they forgive u, u can understnad only if u know the meaning of the word forgive.
If u dont find it comfortable to live with your parents and can afford a separate home, do move out with ur faimily.(wife and children ), stay away from your parents and meet them only off and on. they will understand your value when u live away from them.