My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years now. Had a smooth first 3 years. Fourth year we split for 3 months due to his partying and unfaithfulness and my lack of understanding for his need to party . Here we are, going on our 5th year and he is having second thoughts of why he acts the way he does. He tells me I would be a perfect wife. And honestly, I would be. Its like I'm his wife already. We have lived together 3 years now. Have a car and split expenses. I have never pushed marriage, ever. In the last year BOTH of us talked of it. He asked questions of what rings I like...there was evidence and he was about to ask me. BUT didn't. He chickened out. I dont know what his problem is. You would think after 5 years he would be head over heels with me, just as I am for him. We are still in college and have goals, BOTH talk of our goals as a couple, together in the end. He has what he wants...sex, home, a loving companian. I'm scared to be hurt and scared of waiting for the unkown.
2007-08-29 11:26:30 · 13 answers · asked by WINO86 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate to tell you this but #1. I seriously doubt he wants to or will marry you. I think you can convince him to marry you if you browbeat him enough but if he hasn't felt inspired to do so by now, He isn't going to. #2. Let's look at what he has been inspired to do, Party act like a teenager/college freshman and oh yeah...CHEAT ON YOU #3. You let him get away with cheating on you...Oh I know you broke up but you took him back didn't you? So now just like you said you are being his defacto "wife" his playmate in bed, his companion on the couch, and golly gosh gee for all of that you get to "split the expenses too"... I see that you are still young, too young to throw one more year away on him. I know he might be fabulous, and I know you are in love, but sweetie I am telling you he is NOWHERE near being able to be a husband or father at this point... OK, anyone CAN be a husband/father but f you drag him down the aisle You will regret it but he as nothing but the fantasy of "unsown oats" and he will likely just keep on sewing them married or not. Don't wait. Be an adult, all on your own and then a real adult man will find you and he can be your husband and perhaps the father of your ( yet to be ) children
2007-08-29 11:39:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said that you were both in college so I am taking for granted that you are both in your early twenties.That is still young why rush things.I realize the two of you have been together 5 yrs. but if he isn't ready then he isn't ready.You don't want to go into a marriage with one person not ready.There is allot of pressure with college and maybe he thinks marriage would be just too much right now.You are just going to have to decide what to do.Do you want to wait for him or do you want to leave the relationship and find someone who is ready to marry.The choice is yours.
2007-08-29 11:40:38 · answer #2 · answered by Teresa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he already has everything that he is looking for (without the commitment) marriage may just be a piece of paper to him...why change things now...even though you talk of things in the future such as sex home and companionship...i think that is his way of knowing that you are not going anywhere and doesn't need to make that next step..living together may not have been the right answer..what do you have to look forward to after the wedding? you already know everything about each other so the exploring is over--and he may just see it that way
2007-08-29 11:38:43 · answer #3 · answered by Mindy S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you had a "lack of understanding for his need to party"?
Are you kidding me?
If he doesn't know whether he wants to marry you after 5 years, he will *never* know.
Why don't *you* ask *him* to be married? If he says "no", then you can walk away and move on with your life. If he says "yes", then proceed...but make sure your contingency plans are in place first.
2007-08-29 11:45:28 · answer #4 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
these days guys who are in college and have any friends at all are not interested one bit in getting married. not one bit, not for years, maybe a decade or more. if he is 23 and he is already interested in partying and is not thru with college and is far off from getting into a career, i would say you are in for a long wait. and when he gets his first job out of college he is gonna want to date all the younger new secretaries anyway.
he is just a young guy and marriage is not on his plate. because it does not have to be., why? cause young guys like him dont have any urgency to get married, cause they can get girls like you all day long to act like fake wives. by doing this you have told him you are nothing special, unfortunately.
that is your !!! bad, not his. you are the one making this commitment to someone who has done absolutely nothing to commit to you. that is why mothers and grandmothers beg girls like you not to do things that look like commitments, like give money, buy things together, and especially live together, cause you are tying yourself down and guaranteeing yourself horrible heartbreak with a guy who as far as he is concerned is completely free and single, no matter what you think.
move out right now, disengage your money and possesions from him OR accept that that you gave without getting, that !!!!! is why men do not respect women with marriage any more, it is because women do not respect themselves enough to demand a commmitment, a real one, not a fake one, or a "shut up" one, from a man they are giving the 'best years of their lives to'.
you are not his wife already. you are a young foolish girl giving too much to a guy who wants to be single.
let me put it this way, if you dont go into that unknown yourself it will be much harder for you when you have the inevitable breakup far down the line when he finds a woman who wont take stalling and demands a real commitment, and you will be shoved into the unknown by him.
by the way i have no issue with you being his girlfriend for the next ten years if you want but i have a huge problem with you living with him, because you have left yourself open to a bad ending. you have given up your options. not good.
2007-08-29 12:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you're BOTH together are you not? So there is no reason for him to marry you. You've already given it all up. You don't buy the entire cow when you can get the milk for free sweety. You've been allowing yourself to be used for five years, why SHOULD he want to marry you?
2007-08-29 17:07:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finish college. Both of you need to have some fun before you settle down for LIFE! A lot of people don't make it when they have only had one close partner in life. They are always wondering what they missed.
2007-08-29 11:35:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to marry you. He's made this pretty clear.
End the relationship and move on. There's no sense in wasting time with a guy like this.
2007-08-29 11:36:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow? You made the decision to live with him without getting married, why change the rules now?
2007-08-29 11:32:57 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should he get married? He has it all with out the commitment. I would move out and be on my own. He is not ready to be married and you are. So you are wasting your time with him. Find someone else that is ready to be married.
2007-08-29 13:10:56 · answer #10 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋