Why is keeping a maiden name such an issue in US?

Question

Coming from a Hispanic country, women legally don't have to change their name when they get married, but people could start calling you Mrs. Husband's last name informally and that's ok by me. When you have kids, specifically in PR, your kids must have husbands last name followed by mom's last name so your kids would be Maria Smith Peters for example. When we moved to the states I am "Mrs. Peters" officially, but then when they meet my husband and/or kids, they get all confused and when I explained they just don't understand why I would "do that to my kids". I never had a mental issue with this when I was a child. Why do people make it such an issue. I find myself explaining myself all the time. Could we just be?

I never changed my last name when I got married. I am keeping it this way. It's just a pain the behind to be explaining myself all the time of why my last name is not the same as my husbands. And I thought US was a "progressive modern country!"

Answer 1

You can have your last name legally changed to what it was in your home country.

So you would be "Mrs. Smith Peters", there's some paperwork involved, but if you feel really strongly about it, get the name change.

Answer 2

I think Spanish countries do that. I could be wrong though but I know that in Peru when a women marries she keeps her last name and the husbands last name is just added on. For example if the womens name was Jane Doe and the husband was Frank Dabba then when they marry her name would be Jane Doe de (of) Dabba. Almost like property lol. It's just the way they do things there. I never thought too much of it.

Answer 3

Maybe keeping your maiden name is taken by some women as an indication that you are not so committed to your marriage that you wouldn't consider an extra-marital affair and so they feel threatened. This is just a guess. I didn't change my name when I was married and had a child in that marriage. My own sister was freaked out by me not changing my last name! How weird is that? Also, it doesn't bother kids at all- my son is grown and never had an issue with it.

Answer 4

I remember in school when there was always a couple of kids who had hyphenated last names like John Smith-Doe and aside from sounding kind of silly during role call, there wasn't much more to it. I suppose when writing your name down you have the added burden of copying down an extra last name, but it isn't really a big deal. If someone was trying to make a point to you about doubling up on last names, ask them to clarify it, because I doubt they could actually come up with a good answer.

Answer 5

This is a free country and thus each person's decision of how to handle their names for marriage and their children should be an individual choice. You don't owe anyone an explanation unless you allow them to make you feel like you do.

I thought it was pretty neat when my spanish teacher had 6 or 7 surnames and explained where each one came from and the prestige that comes from each name, you can be proud of your custom without feeling like you have to explain to every person. Just politely tell them that is the custom in your country and that your very proud of your childrens' names. If they don't get the point and shut up at that point, you shouldn't really care about their opinion anyway.

Answer 6

I have no idea. I'm trying to figure it out myself. My mom kept her maiden name, and it's never been an issue in our family. We knew that our mom's name was different, but we also knew she was our mom, everyone else knew she was our mom, there was no issue at all (I grew up in a different country). I never took my husband's last name, and some people do seem to get confused about it. Nowadays, when I'm asked why our names are different, I just tell them that my husband chose to keep his name after marriage.

I guess, the tradition is just more prevalent here in the US, and anyone who's doing things differently is "swimming against the current". Just learn to ignore them - who cares. Those who matter will understand, and those who don't matter will have to get over it.

Answer 7

The issue is their's not yours. Quit stressing about it. Let them get confused, and if they are confused/concerned enough to ask, just state it plainly and move on.

Unfortunately in the US people assume that their way is the only way, or at least that it's superior.

So preventing the stupidity would require some conformity, and becoming Mrs. Peters, Mr. Peters, little Boy Peters and little Girl Peters.

Answer 8

Honestly, i have no idea, you dont have to take your husband's last name here either, but its more of a hassel if you dont. If it dont bother you, then dont worry about what other people feel is poltically correct, they just need to keep their nose out of your business. Every country you live in and every culture has their own way of doing things and nobody has the right to pass judgement or critize you for that, americans are just nosy,lol

Answer 9

I think there's a stigma here where, at least until recently, you tended to give your kids' the father's last name unless you didn't know who the father was or the father wouldn't acknowledge that he was the father. It was considered somehow dishonourable to be a "lovechild" as though the kid had any choice about how they were conceived.

I think it's slowly getting to be less of an issue though.

Answer 10

I may get a lot of grief over answering this question for you, but it's what I feel!

First I believe any woman that gets marriad and keeps her maiden name is degrading her husband by not honoring him and taking his last name!

And I feel she doesn't honor her children either because the children last name is automatically the fathers last name, when the couple are marriad!

So I feel any woman who doesn't honor her husband's last name doesn't honor him! and shouldn't have marriad him then! It makes me believe those women who keep there maiden name do so, just in case they end up in a devorce! then they won't have the troubles of having to change there maiden name back! Well I say boo hoo to that!

If my wife refused to take my last name! She wouldn't have been my wife, plain and simple! That's always been a tradition in an American marriage! I think it all started back when actors and actresses and other famous people didn't want to give up there famous names, because fans wouldn't recognize there new marriad names, and there popularity would drop!

But for a normal American woman to do so is wrong and degrading to there husband! and they can argue all they want about it, I say the truth will set you free! Taking the Husband's last name is part honoring him of being his wife, just like giving birth to his children!