has anyone been cheated on and forgave the person???

Question

I have been with him for two years and we have a new baby girl that is 2 months. We began having problems when I was pregnant when money began to run low. I made matters worse by blaming him for all we didn't have and for ruining my life. He stayed through that and was there for me every step of the way, but I recently discovered he has been talking to other woman, but has been emotionally and physically involved with on of them. He is begging for forgiveness and he says he has no feelings for this other woman and he wants us to work. But I am trying to forgive him but I know in my heart that the trust is completely gone. What do I do. I want to teach him a lesson so I have been killing him with dead silence and ignoring him he is even back at his mother's house. But I know in my heart I need him home with us.

Answer 1

You have to work through the pain and it can be done. Just let him know that if it happens again you will not forgive him and you will be done with him! It does get better but you will feel every emotion. I forgave and then forget it. It can not be a life sentence. My husband and I have been married for 11 years!

Answer 2

You are treating him like you want nothing to do with him but say you want him back. This is not going to work. And yes, I have been cheated on and forgiven the person. In fact, my forgiving her and not kicking her out of my life was what she said was part of the reason she left me in the end. If you want to forgive and want him in your life, then just do so. This "I don't know if I can, the trust may be completely gone" stuff is nonsense. It is a choice you make. Either you choose to forgive him and admit that what happened, although maybe a bad choice on his part, was caused by what you did and how you treated him (by your own admittance) and you believe that without the external causes it will not happen again, or you choose to blame him for feeling the pain you caused and don't forgive or trust him. The former allows you to have the family you say you want, the latter (although more common) is the more selfish of the two choices and will cause you to be alone.

Answer 3

Like being on an emotional rollercoaster from being pregnant and having a baby isn't enough for you to have to deal with. Don't beat yourself up too much for blaming him, a real man would have just taken it with a grain of salt and waited until after you had the baby to see if you still felt the same way....not acted upon those accusations so quickly.
So this tells me he's either a sleeze or just plain stupid. {{jumps down off my soap box}}
Forgiveness is possible if you want to, no harm no foul. Its okay to forgive...but you don't have to forget. And he should understand this if he plans on coming back. And by the way trust isn't a given, its earned.

Answer 4

Let me get this straight, you were pregnant and not working outside the home, finances got tight, you blamed him and said he ruined your life, his self worth was at an all time low and he boosted his ego by having an affair?? I'd say he's crazy to want to come back and you're crazy to want him back. Both of you just move on and try to be good parents for the baby. Probably not a good ideal to tell a man they ruined your life, nothing good ever happens after hearing those words. Also not a good ideal to cheat on you either though.

Answer 5

You need some counseling by a neutral 3rd party. If you can't afford it, many jobs offer it through EAP or you can get it through your church. Yes, it's very painful but the silent treatment isn't the answer. Trust takes a long time to restiore and he's going to have to work hard to help you. A great book is "After the Affair", very helpful for both partners to read.

Answer 6

I am married for 13yrs and my husband recently left and same situation denial of the other woman living at his mother's house. But believe me I know the feeling of wanting him back I have 3 children but trust is a big part of a relationship and once that is gone it is hard to get back. You are doing the right thing by ignoring him. I am not saying to get rid of him just take time for yourself by yourself to see if it is your heart just in it or your mind playing tricks on you.

Answer 7

I forgave my wife. But then I divorced her. Forgiveness is truly more beneficial for the one doing the forgiving. It takes away the burden. But then there are always relationship issues. So, you must forgive this man for your own peace of mind. The only one you are hurting by not forgiving is yourself. Then you need to decide if this is truly the man you and your daughter want to spend your life with. Good luck. You deserve someone good.

Answer 8

Do you want him or need him. It's an easy thing to say you can forgive but trust me, it's not that simple. You may succeed in forgiving, but you may never trust him again. This is something you must decide before you let him come back.

Answer 9

i know how you feel... i have been in your shoes, and they HURT!

no one can tell you to forgive or not forgive... it is u;timely your decision and a very hard one at that... from my experience i can tell you that it is possible to forgive. although you will never forget. the trust is gone and he needs to gain it back.

if you want to make it work, then you should... I'm telling you, it's a difficult road and painful at times. you have to do your part as much as he has to do his.

you can't accuse him or throw things back at him every time you get upset or feel hurt all over again, and he needs to prove his love and commitment again....

i was able to overcome all this only with God's help. lots of prayer and asking God to help me heal, trust and love my husband again... as well, as to take away all the anger and resentment. we also did marriage counseling with your church's pastor. that really helped! we saw things from a really positive view, and learned about ourselves and each other.

1 year later, we are better than before and can actually say that i love my husband more now than ever. at times i still remember what happened, but there is no pain with the memories...

Answer 10

I was with my husband for 8 years, Stood in the marriage a year after the affair. I could not move pass it. I forgive him but I cannot forget.