My husband left me and my three children. We have been married 13yrs and this is all I ever known. Each time I start to move on I am pulled back by him saying he doesn't want a divorce and I feel like I am on an emontional rollercoaster. I am very depressed and anger because I feel there is no closure to this. Please help me
2007-08-29 09:25:46 · 17 answers · asked by danaispeace 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if he left u he is just telling u he doesn't want the divorce because he may be with someone else, but he isn't real sure yet, so he keeps u hanging on waiting for him. but if he left u, and has not come back, he is just stalling deciding who he wants. why allow him to control it, divorce him and collect the child support, and move on with life. sometimes we just have to do what we are afraid of doing, especially if something really doesn't work anymore.
2007-08-29 11:49:16 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't think abt divorce cos u can never tell what the next man will be like and if u can keep him 4 five yrs. try 2 calm down, put yourself together with good courage and find the good time he always love ( time that turn him on ) speak 2 him nicely the way u'v never done b4 and make him understand how u really want 2 rebuild the family together with him. it might not work at first but talking 2 him when his in a very good mood in a calm manner can put some sense into him 2 reconsider his ways. best of luck
2007-08-29 17:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by mights 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're letting him decide what is going to happen next in YOUR life. Don't give him that control. Get out a piece of paper and write down everything that went wrong in the marriage, and why you are divorcing. Whenever he contacts you about making amends, refer to the list. For some reason it's always easier to remember the good times and forget the bad. Don't forget to include on that list his constant pleas to get back together, and then not following through. Close the door on this relationship. Do not let him hold it partly open. Let it be your decision, not his. Take control, girl!
2007-08-29 16:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by what's with that 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may sound blunt ;)... anyway ... I believe you need some personal time on this one. You need to sit down and decide what you want ... and that means everything ... then decide can he even do that for you? If he can and you feel that he is being honest then start fresh and show your list of needs for it to work. If you doubt he can fullfill your list or is not being honest then drop him like a hot potato! Either way there is no real advice other than you are to a point of making a decision and well only you know what you want and how hard you want to work to get it. In the end you just need to be aware of what that is and does he make it happen. GL
2007-08-29 16:55:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once in a similar situation. And I rode that emotional rollercoaster also, until I decided this ride was "over". Don't let him pull you back in, it is his insecurities, when he sees you move forward he wants to pull you back because he doesn't want you to move on. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. He may not want a divorce, but he doesn't want to be with you either. You have to let him go!! Tell him you are not his puppet and you will not allow him to steal your joy or your power. Cut off uneccessary communication with him and serve him papers. Take care of yourself and your children. You will respect yourself so much more if you stop allowing him to treat this way. This will help your depression. He does not determine your worth or your value, only if youallow to maintain power over you. Start moving on again and this time don't look back and don't be his victim. God Bless
2007-08-29 16:43:35 · answer #5 · answered by mimi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File for a divorce and make him pay child support through check garnishment! He is buying time and taking advantage of you! Don't allow him to emotionally abuse you the children because if he cared for you and really loved you he would be there and not out in the world acting single. Go to your family and friends for support and keep him away from you and let some one you trust hand him the kids for visitations. he is trying to controll you for his own selfish purposes and I would put a stop to him immediately. He just does not want to face the court room due to the financial aspect of everything and i would give him his freedom so that i could have mine and move on in my life and stable my future. Take care of you and get him gone.
2007-08-29 16:51:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are enabling your hubby. He left you, you didn't throw him out!! You need to stand strong and either allow him to come back, or close this chapter of your life and begin a new one without him.
As long as you continue to allow him to do this to you, he will. It's not fair to you or your children and you certainly deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You deserve to be with someone who WANTS to be with you all the time....not just when they feel like it or when it's good for them.
You need to ask yourself if you really want to continue this marriage. You need to take a step back and consider what is best for you and your children!! You can do this....you can be a strong woman. Every woman is capable of more than they think!!
My motto for life: A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is, until she's in hot water!!!
Hold your head high and don't doubt your decisions.
2007-08-29 16:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all any guy who leaves his 3 kids is scum. you sound like a nice women and you deserve something nice in your life. him keeping you in the loop is prohibiting that, i know all the advise people have given you including some of these other answer (Which by the way were all excellent) is easier said then done.but they are all good points and you should take what advise applies best to your situation and act on them, I do agree that you should move on and at least get a fresh outlook on a new beginning. close one window another one opens
good luck keep the faith
2007-08-29 16:49:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
CLOSE IT. set you mind to it, get it done and over with....nothing worse than someone holding you back from progressing in life.
He left, he hasn't come back....the reason he doesn't want a divorce is because he's afraid he'll have to shell out the dough. Divorce him.
2007-08-29 16:30:12 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
advice.
find a friend a family member and move away
he says the things u want to hear when he is loosing u.. and u fall for it... i love u... i care... etc
love is kind, generous...all the positive words u can think of
not crying, worring., it is not hateful, cheating, broken promises time and time again...
he may be the sick toxic one.. and u need to get away from him to live a healthy and happy life with u kids... they deserve it...
contact a shelter is no friends or family is around.. 6 months from now.. u will thank u..
.
2007-08-29 17:17:42 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋