She says that I toss and turn all night and keep her awake. She says she sleeps so much better without me there. I am a restless sleeper, but I don't want our relationship to suffer because we don't actually go to sleep together. Do I have anything to worry about.
2007-08-29 09:16:38 · 40 answers · asked by I wanna talk to Samson 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My partner and I sleep in separate beds - we have our own rooms, our own spaces. Sometimes we start off the night together, sometimes we stay the whole night, sometimes we kiss each other at the door and go our separate ways. We have an amazing sex life and a warm and loving intimate relationship. We are totally committed to each other. It's just that we don't sleep all that well together in the same bed - restlessness, snoring, differences in hot and cold. He leaves for work early in the morning - we get up at 4.30 am - and he needs a good night's sleep. If we are both there together, neither of us sleeps all that well, and then we get grumpy with each other. We CAN do it if we need to (like if we are travelling or have visitors who are staying overnight) and if there isn't work in the morning then we often choose to - but it is a decision we make rather than a default position.
Sleeping in separate beds is something we have chosen to do because it allows us to maintain our bed as a place of wonder, delight, passion and love. We don't lie next to each other night after night and resent the others' presence - when we are sleeping together it is because we want the other there.
I think there is a lot to be said for not automatically sleeping together, but you do need to check on the status of your relationship and make sure you have clear communication about why this is happening. Your relationship may well be enhanced - remember how much fun it was to have a sleepover when you were a kid? Imagine it now, the adult version with the woman you love!
2007-08-29 09:33:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sleeping together is a vital part of sharing your life together. When you married, it was not for the good and easy times "only".
Firstly, there is always a red flag when hearing that one partner desires to sleep apart for any reason. Usually, if it's not restlessness, it's snoring. If it's not snoring, it's climate. And so on. Those are surface reasons, and if you can dig deeper, you may find that there are unresolved issues and hurts that have never been addressed.
If by chance, it is the rare truth that it is ONLY because of tossing and turning, there are plenty of medications, either OTC or Perscription to help alleviate that as the central issue.
I have a feeling that it is not the main issue, however.
If your partner will not admit anything even after you have conquered the tossing and turning, that is your final confirmation that the both of you absolutely need to see a Marriage Counselor.
http://www.splashdesignworks.com
2007-08-29 09:23:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
There are no red flags, nothing to worry about. Tape yourself sleeping, and you'll probably find that you are all over the place. Many people can't handle that. And sometimes these problems develop later in life. My dad, after like 20 years of marriage, started snoring so badly that my parents sleep in separate rooms, and they have a wonderful marriage.
I'm just wondering, what would there be to worry about? As long as you are having an otherwise good marriage, this will not hurt anything. It will hurt your marriage, however, if your wife cannot sleep, and is very irritable all the time!!
2007-08-29 09:32:30 · answer #3 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy a Bigger bed. I am a tosser & turner & my husband snores like a trucker! I am actually having a hard time myself sleeping in the same bed as he, b/c I need complete silence & darkness & he can sleep with the tv blasting, People have different sleep habits. I do understand her reasoning, just last night I contemplated myself whether to sleep in the guest room. I say a bigger bed will solve your prob. I should be the one investing in some ear plugs, I give him a little kick & he stops, hee hee. Isn't there a type of bed that you can't feel any movement from the other person? Sleepnumber? Anyways more space is what you two need. Good luck! & I wouldn't be sleeping seperately for too long!
2007-08-29 09:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by In♥w/mykids! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, some people just are lighter sleepers than others. If she doesn't get good sleep, that is when you will have something to worry about. Just make sure you 2 get plenty of cuddle time in and romance. Also maybe before you go to be, go snuggle and tell her you love her. Many couples are like this, its not always like the tv shows, cuddeling sleeping with a smile and spooning. Seriously, it comes down to getting rest and snoring, tossing and turning, etc... can affect that. Good luck, it will be ok.
2007-08-29 09:25:24 · answer #5 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, a lot of people don't sleep in the same bed later on down the road. My husband and I are in the same room and don't share the same bed for one thing it's not really big enough and for another we both toss and turn so much that we keep eachother awake. So I doubt you have any thing to really worry about.
2007-08-29 09:21:42 · answer #6 · answered by skyicedragon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So if you don't sleep in the same bed, your marriage is going down the drain?....jeez...get real.
People need their sleep to function during the day. Sleep is to refresh your body. Many, many, many people are not compatible sleepers. Their solution is to get twin beds...or even sleep in separate rooms. And their marriage does not suffer...in fact, they are much happier because they are sharp and well rested during the day.
The only way your relationship is going to suffer is if your wife decides to smother you with her pillow because she has not slept in 5 nights because of your tossing and turning.
2007-08-29 09:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by Sally G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only person who can really know if this is affecting ur relationship in a negative way, is of course you and her. I personally think they're other solutions to ur tossing and turning then for her to sleep in a different bed. It doesn't mean at all that she doesn't love u, in my opinion. I see that happening to me and i still love my husband but you two should find another way for her to get a rested night next to u, especially if you are not totally OK with her not being next to you. On the long run, we are after all weak human beings and it could negatively affect ur marriage.
2007-08-29 09:24:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you'd be shocked to know how many couples sleep apart. At times in my marriage, we've split rooms because my beloved husband and I both snore. So if he's not keeping me up, I'm keeping him up.
Going to sleep together is not a big thing, but if it affects your sex life, maybe you need to see a dr. about your tossing & turning all night.
TX Mom
not an expert
2007-08-29 09:28:38 · answer #9 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked the answers that said you should see a doctor about a sleep study for your restless sleeping. In the meantime, why not invest (for your peace of relationship) in a temperpedic bed and make it a king size? I know they are $$, but divorce is usually more, if that is what you fear.
2007-08-29 09:28:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋