Husband wont come home?

Question

Left a year ago still comes around. I love him very much and he is a very good man in a lot of ways will some faults not bad ones. We had problems with communication and the way eachother reacted to certain situations. We both weren't that great to eachother at times. anyhow. I feel deep down he comes around and he has fun with the kids and I. But he says he is not coming back home. We are still married and I feel soo alone at times but not alot cus I am busy working going to school and raising four kids but alone in the couple factor. Once in a while we still well you know but I don't know I can't seem to move on. I love him sooo much. Why won't he come back and work it out and go to counseling why does he seem to be happy and have fun around us but not fully want to come home. There are nights he shuts his phone off and goes out with friends. I sit all night wondering if he will meet someone else. I know i should move on and focus on what I have goin on now. But how?I try

Answer 1

He is just the type that comes and goes, he probably doesn't want the full time responsibility of staying at home and helping with the kids. He wants to come and go when it is convenient for him, I would call him a part time dad because he spends more time away than with you. You need to have a talk to him and tell him you are loney and this isn't working out. I know that you love him and I can't imagine how you feel, but this isn't a fair relationship to you, and if he can't buckle down and help you out a little more than you should move on, it sounds like he has already moved on.

Answer 2

I am really sorry for your situation. It find it heart breaking to see a woman who can work, raise 4 kids alone, go to school, take care of a home yet. Have no self esteem. Do you not realize that you are a strong person and don't need a man. Your husband is getting the best of both worlds he is free to do what he wants no responsibility and plays daddy when the mood strikes him. What example are you setting for your children? The girls you show let a man walk all over you and boys you show this is how you treat woman. Please, kick him to the curb. It is better to be alone then be with a guy like this.
Also not to be mean but you are not in love with him you are in love with the man you want him to be. He will never make a decision to come home and will never work on your marriage when you let him come and go like you are a pit stop for a trucker.

Have some self respect, stop begging him to come back, kick him to the curb, don't take his calls, and see what he does then. If he really loves you and his children he would not play these games.

Good Luck

Answer 3

I sorta know what you mean, I held on to an ex-husband who didn't want to be commited anymore either, we had a son, and it seemed that I could never get over him. We still slept together ocassionaly and did things together and then I realized that that was what was keeping my feelings involved so deeply. I didn't want to be alone and he was all I had. You really have to let him go! If he wanted to be with you he would be there. He is using you for easy sex and coming around when it's convenient for him. He has told you that he is not coming home, what other reason do you need to start the healing process and move on with your life. It is hard, but you will make it. Stop sleeping with him now!!! You are only prolonging your misery and strenghtning your attachment to him. Cut him off completely except when it comes to the kids, and get child support for the kids. Stop holding on to someone who is obviously not right for you, you may be missing out on the man of your dreams. Divorce him and move on.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are still commited to the marriage, and he has decided it isn't worth his time and has moved on.

You probably need to sit down and really talk to him and get it all out in the open. Perhaps he is really hurt by some things you said before or did previously. But you cannot hold up the relationship by yourself.

You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he rejects you, then you must prepare yourself to move forward and shut that door completely. It is when we think the door is still cracked a bit that we hurt the most. And if it is NO, please do not sleep with him. It will only destroy you more.

Either way, you need a definate "yes or no", this is over. If it is a no, then maybe you can finally move forward.

Answer 5

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Ya he sounds like a great dad and a good person BUT COME ONN he is so using every slight of greef he can get. YOU NEED TO MOVE ON! And when you said some times you YOU KNOW..he is so using that. He wants to be with you and use you but not be seriouse. And im VERY SORRY to sound like a B***H but thats how it is. What does he think you are FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? I know hes more then JUST A Guy his the father of you kids and the love of ur life. But sometimes you have to look out of the picture and realize that he is REALLY puttong you down and using you. Still have fun with him and your kids but move on. GO OUT! find a new man that will respect you. GO SHOPPING FOR A NEW MAN. don't be stuck on this, cause then one day his ganna come around with a girl and your really ganna loose it.

Answer 6

I am in the same situation except he recently abandoned me and my three children. We were together for 13yrs. He has also trying to come back and forth. It is an emotional rollercoaster. I also still love this man dearly but we as women have to say we are not doormats and do not deserve to be treated like this. What kind of example are we setting for our kids? Coming from another woman who's hurting to try to find the strength deep down to let him go and if he doesn't come back to you for the right reasons then it was not mean't to be and by then you will be strong enough to know if it is real or not.

Answer 7

Obviously, you can't control his behavior, you can only control your own. I don't think you should allow him to have his cake and eat it, too. He has his independence and yet when he's in the mood, he can hang out with you and also "well you know". I think that you should work out a schedule whereby he can visit the children, but you should not be there then. You should shut off your phone and go out with friends.
Work on yourself to be the best, most attractive person you can be.
And tell him that if he won't go to counseling, or go to counseling and move home (don't let him move home without going to counseling), then you're getting a divorce.
Sorry, but I think that right now he's using you. Don't let him.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Why would he want to come back? You are doing all the hard work and he is getting the gravy.
Stop allowing him to get what he wants from you without the benefit of the daily work and sweat that you are putting into the family. Move on and file for divorce. He needs to pay for child support and help you out legally, if he isn't now.
After you get this settled, get a baby sitter and go out with friends for a drink or a movie and dinner and relax a bit. You might find someone who deserves you.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Well put it to you like this he has obviously found someone else, maybe, but I will tell you what to do the next time he comes over and you say you really want him back put on your highest heels, do your hair put on make-up and the shortest skirt you have, Make sure the kids are sleep, so when he comes over it will be just you and him light some candles, and put on soft music, and have your way with him, then when he wants to come over again DO NOT let him come, that will teach him for being a son of a dog

Answer 10

Why should he move back when you're allowing him to have the best of both worlds??? He's free to come and go at will, can play with the kids yet have no responsibility for them (as far as feeding, tending them, etc)...have sex with you...then go out with his friends, live on his own and turn his phone off whenever. He has freedom...yet the convenience of a family and sex. Meanwhile you're working, going to school, and trying to raise 4 kids alone! STOP making it so easy for him to float back and forth. He should see the kids...but you shouldn't be cooking for him or joining in on the fun with the kids. He should pay child support and help out when he can by tending them...NO SEX...he's irresponsile, and you allow it