I'm getting married and my dad wants me to hyphenate my name. It is my choice to only keep my future husband's name. Now my dad is saying that he won't contribute any money or even walk me down the aisle. Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone else ever faced this type of drama over name hyphenation?
2007-08-29 08:57:13 · 15 answers · asked by Gods Child fo Life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have a brother. The reasons he is giving me are "it is what he wants", "he'd be sad for the rest of his life if I didn't." It's to the point now that even if I did have a change of heart, I'd feel so bullied & manipulated into that I wouldn't do it anyway. I feel so hurt behind it all.
2007-08-29 09:45:23 · update #1
It's not your dads choice.
You are an adult about to get married.
Do not allow your dad to be your husband. You and your husband are to make all decisions together. Not your dad, not your mom, nobody but your husband. Period.
That advice goes as long as your marriage goes.
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2007-08-29 09:04:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your dad is the one being unreasonable. The whole last name thing is kind of a thorny issue, where on the one hand you're changing your name but on the other hand, in this day and age without landed gentry it's not like many people give a toss who your ancestors were. I don't know how you can make it clear to him that he's being stubborn, some people are just like that. Maybe tell him that you really have PLENTY to worry about with the wedding already, he's not helping! Can your mom step in and help?
I've never heard or faced such drama, and I can only hope that you can make him see how childish this all is. You're his daughter, for God's sake, he should be happy you're getting married, not pitching a hissy fit over something like this!
2007-08-29 09:12:06 · answer #2 · answered by Ahni 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately, it's your decision. I think its wrong, but is there a reason for him to expect this out of you? Is the family all girls with no one to pass on the family name? I know many women hyphenate for that reason, and give their last name as their son's middle name.
Anyway, whatever the reason, talk this over with your dad. See what his reasoning is, and if it isn't anything good, tell him that you want to take your husbands last name. He will eventually get over it. In fact, you'd be surprised at what parents let go after they see their way won't happen...
2007-08-29 09:10:56 · answer #3 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand the request if you are an only child or if there are no sons to carry on the family name. BUT, it is YOUR choice and it is unfair of your father to place restrictions on your wedding day based upon his request. I have a sort of a compromise if there are no sons to carry on the family name... how about telling him that you will use your current last name as a middle name for your 1st son when you have one? This may not work out, but at least you can show that you are a bit sympathetic to your father's desires, if not his wishes. To be honest, I was more than happy to get rid of my maiden name when I married. My father did not walk me down the isle, my brother did.. and my husband and I paid for our own wedding too. It turned out to be less stressful and a very happy day for us both.
2007-08-29 09:27:36 · answer #4 · answered by Rogue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you dad is the one being unreasonable. What about making your maiden name your middle name. How does your soon to be husband feel about. When it comes down to it you two are the ones who get to decide. If your dad decides not to walk you down the aisle it will be something he will regret. Good luck hope everything works out.
2007-08-29 09:06:48 · answer #5 · answered by tjmoore83102 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I am jealous...you are so, so lucky to have a dad who loves you so much that he wants you to keep the name he gave you, in conjunction with the name of your husband (the one who will, essentially, take his place in your heart as "the man in your life").
It's actually tremendously sweet, but I can understand wanting to go the more traditional route. Just think about what your dad's real reasons for making this request are, and maybe you will find that altering your initial plan isn't such a big deal.
2007-08-29 09:04:05 · answer #6 · answered by thenixonvixen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you can't have the wedding without his money, elope. He is obviously having a hard time letting go the control he so obviously has over you and this is where you start showing him you are your own person. He will relent because as much as he wants that control, his love for you will win out. Congrats on you marraige!
2007-08-29 10:02:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, it IS your choice, but ...
What is your hub's opinion? How about your mom?
I really doubt that your dad would follow through with his threats though ... (and I'm the dad of two 20something daughters).
Are you going to be living with your dad or your husband?
Go with your heart.
Final thought ... you can always get it changed again later.
2007-08-29 09:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by click865 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I see nothing wrong with your dad's request. I know you do have the right for your own decision but I wouldn't let that small request ruin my wedding. Many people do this in order to have their own identity as well as their husband's identity.
2007-08-29 09:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by ♥♥♥MiSSY♥♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If its that big of a deal, dont tell him whatyou do. Tell him ok I will hyphenate my name and then dont. How is he really going to know what you did to your name legally? If it will make him happier whenever he sees your name signed like on a card or something, hypehnate it just for him.
2007-08-29 09:55:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋