Husband wants me to not take what he says seriously.?

Question

So many times, when I have been happy, or excited etc, he says something cold, or rude, or inapproriate, and then I'm not happy anymore. For about the last 5 or so years, I've noticed it to the point where I hid my enthusiasm from him, hid what made me happy, or misdirect so he says cold, mean stuff about something else, but can't say stuff about what I am really happy about. Recently, i finally started to get mad at him for it. Feeling stupid for being happy in front of him. So he gets angry with me for being mad at him. Says I should just let role off, not take him seriously, give him the benefit of the doubt etc.
I finally asked him if he there something about me being happy, that bothered him, and told him what I noticed. He said "no", and that he does want me to be happy.
I'd be easy to blow him off, if he was a coworker, a clerk in the store, etc, but he is my husband. I've put distance between us to avoid the mess, and once I relax.., he does it again!

Answer 1

This sounds very passive aggressive to me. He probably isn't too aware of what exactly he is doing. He just feels better and in control when he feels like he is in control...of even your feelings. At first, it could have been just immaturity but then his brain figured out how to feed off of it and turned it into a lifestyle. He probably does this to others (family member and coworkers too). He could be doing this because he actually has very low self esteem or depression and your happiness causes him pain because he can't really let you enjoy it.

It could be he needs some therapy by now to correct this. He can't turn this around on a dime and damage has been done so you might want to be there with him in these sessions some.

Answer 2

Your husband sounds very selfish and self-centered. He either doesn't get it or he doesn't care, I'm not sure which. Let me ask you if there is something in this world your husband really loves, such as a pet or a very close friend or maybe his car or motorcycle, something that he really does care about to the bone....Let's say it is his pet Rover, and let's say he loves that dog to the max...One day before he comes home let a friend take Rover to their home for a little while, when your husband comes home and asks about him you can sit him down and break the bad news to him how Rover ran out into the street and was ran over by a bus.

Let his heart ache for a few minutes.

Then you can tell him that you were just joking. He will get very upset with you and that's okay because now you can tell him that's exactly how you feel every time he pulls this stuff on you....The point is, he needs to "Feel the Pain".... -- Good Luck!

Answer 3

I went through this once with and EX and thank god he is an ex. He would wait until I was laughing about something and in a really good mood to say, " does it bother you when I call"? What the hell, out of no where. I finally told him that he SUCKS the life right out of me and does he not like the fact that I am happy? Every single time I am in a good mood he would squash it.. I turned the tables and would laugh and be marry and then shut up when he walked in the room. When he would ask what was so funny I would reply "oh nothing" and go about my business. I did this for a few months and made him feel like a piece of sh**, if he said how unhappy or miserable he was I would say " good, now how does it feel"? Funny, he is a whole new man now..... Life has a strange way of working out...

My advice, give him a taste of his own medicine and when he complains tell him " good, now you know how I feel".

Answer 4

Sounds like your husband is putting expectations on you, requiring you to accept him and his ways but he can't do the same for you. You and your emotions are valid. He needs to realize that although he may not share in your enthusiasm then he should at least be happy for you. A few words of encouragement shouldn't kill him.

Also, for a very long time (5 years) you have enabled this behavior by allowing him to think that it's okay with you by your silence. It'll take some time to re-work but you should stop blowing things off that bother you just to avoid controntation. It'll only build up and become a bigger mess in the long run.

"Misery loves company" is very true. Find out what's bothering him.

Answer 5

the put downs have got to a point where u are pretending to be what u are not. u need to recall whether he has always been like that or did something change in the last five years? some people are raised in families where loud laughter, extreme happiness and extreme sadness are kept hidden (i for one). therefore by displaying these emotions he feels u are acting inappropriately.

u love ur man and there is no need to leave him over this issue. share ur joys with those who appreciate them and then u can share with him in a more sober way. also tell him how u feel when he puts u down. thats emotional abuse

Answer 6

Its a hard way to live...I had to do the same thing with my X...if there was anything that made me happy, I kept it to myself. Its hard when someone who supposedly loves you and you love them is constantly putting you down or being ugly and ruining anything that makes you happy. It got so bad the final year we were together...he took all the Christmas presents his side of the family gave me. He said I was such a miserable ***** that I didn't deserve them...the reason I was so miserable was because I had pushed my feelings so deep down that I couldn't show no emotions anymore...I couldn't even show sadness...I learned that 3 months earlier when my grandmother passed what a miserable evil prick he really was when he threaten to kill someone because he was starving because he didn't want to stop on the way to the funeral, then only gave me 3 hours with my family before rudely telling me that it was time to go. And then the kicker, on the way home he told me I needed to get over it. We spent 3 days with his family earlier that year when his grandmother died.
It may not get any better...but don't let it ever get that bad.

Answer 7

Seems really sad he can't be happy and share things that make you happy. I know that can put a strain on your relationship. Maybe you can approach the problem by asking him if there was something you could do or share that would make him happy, like a vacation or hobby. He could be clinically depressed and / or jealous of you being happy.

Answer 8

hun, this is a really tough question, because i am in the same boat. It is like they want you to be in their world and if your not then you are everything lower then an ant. I say lets stand together. Life is so short that we don't need someone to place us on the ground and walk all over us. Time to get out or seperate and see how he likes it. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Good Luck hun and god bless

Answer 9

im sorry you are with a sourpuss , i can imagine how it feels. My husband is not one but definitely my in-laws are. The best thing to do is not to retaliate , just ignore and go on be happy. Thats the best retaliation to give to such kind of people If u say anything it will only be denied or argued . So just chill and relax and enjoy and learn to ignore.

Answer 10

He's verbally abusive and if it's been going on for 5 years and getting worse, you can bet it won't get any better...He will probably not see a counselor either. My ex-husband was like this too. You should gather the courage and leave him. There are still men out there who are not so insecure and emotionally crippled that they have to treat women like this.