I am 32 and have been dating a 30 year old guy for 1 year 4 months. We have had a lot of fights about jealousy. He is a very social person with a lot of female friends. He keeps meeting new girls all the time and I get to meet all of them too eventually. Recently he met a girl that works in his building, he introduced her to his coworkers they started all going out for drinks once a week. He clearly told her and all coworkers I know that he has a girlfriend. But after 2 months when I finally met her at happyhour she was rude to me, it was obvious that she thought there been a chance to get him. He was very surprised, agreed that suddenly does seem like she might have misunderstood. I am jealous and claim that he is flirting and sending girls wrong signals. He claims he is just friendly (part of spanish culture) always superclear about having a girlfriend. He just met a new friend at a brunch this weekend and has emailed her about meeting for lunch. He claims it is not flirting? Trust??
2007-08-29 08:43:59 · 12 answers · asked by losing my mind 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would trust until given a reason not to....and don't be so jealous...jealousy can ruin a relationship....he obviously cares for you as he makes it clear HE HAS A G/F
2007-08-29 08:48:19 · answer #1 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he doesn't. He should keep all his friends, and never marry an American woman. He'll be much happier.
The ugly truth is that more than 67% of marriages will end in divorce. 92% of the time it will be initiated by the woman for no other reason than she is “unfulfilled” – oh, and because she gets the kids, the house, at least ½ the assets and most of his future after tax income for the next 18 years. The man will get raked over in family court. He will lose the house. He will see his kids 2 out of 14 days (if the ex doesn't level unsubstantiated "abuse" claims.) He will be forced to hand over 40-50% of his take-home pay. If he loses his job due to illness or downsizing, the State will toss him in jail. While jailed the arrearage will grow and the state will charge interest. The State will revoke his driver's and professional licenses, make him virtually unemployable.
If you were to take up sky-diving, and the instructor informed you that 67% of the parachutes were defective, would you take the plunge?
The men’s Marriage Strike is alive and well, thank you.
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2007-08-29 23:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a calm moment, maybe after you've taken some Prozac, ask him whether having a separate mistress along with the girlfriend/wife is part of the Spanish culture he embraces. Just to be sure.
Invite your favorites of his female friends over to help you show him what exactly he's doing and what he should do. Chances are that they've noticed this and talked about it. Since they aren't jealous, they'll be more believable and you'll have support. They probably know other girls whose feelings have been hurt, too, which will be more ammunition.
2007-08-29 16:00:21 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a karmic relationship with some very tough lesson involved, such as learning the difference between love and power, on the one hand, and how to treat a woman on the other. It's clear that trust is a major issue, and that jealousy is the major emotional expression of that issue. What's not clear is if there is enough genuine love and caring for each other to actually make it work. If so, then you need to back off and allow him to make his own choices, AFTER making one clear "I" statement as to how you feel when he flirts with other women. If he cares enough about your feelings to consider them when around other women, then you might have a basis for relationship. You could also work on feeling more secure within yourself and knowing you are worthy. That would help to lessen any irrational jealousy. If you and he truly care for one another and you both want to make it work, some counseling might be helpful.
If not, stop trying to change who he is, and just walk. We can never change another, only ourselves. Admit to yourself and to him that it isn't working and move on to something different. Either way, you will learn more about love, which is, after all the purpose of being here.
2007-08-29 18:36:46 · answer #4 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a male friend who has a girlfriend he is devoted to. He flirts like crazy with me, we meet up for drinks just the two of us, and he has described me to a random shopkeeper as his "second wife" - for some random reason. But there is nothing between us - I'm not interested in him and I'm 100% sure that if I showed any interest in him he would let me down gently. He *is* an outrageous flirt, but I know for a fact that he wouldn't cheat on his girlfriend. Even if your boyfriend *is* flirting with other girls, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything there - some people are just like that. Having said that, I once went out with a similar sort of guy, and I can't handle that level of flirtation from someone I'm going out with (like dirty dancing with his female friends - it was in front of me and he danced in the same way with his sister so I know it was just fun - but still, not something I could live with). I suppose if that's who his character is you have to decide if you love him enough the way he is to put up with it. If he changed who he was then you probably wouldn't feel the same way about him.
2007-08-29 18:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd ask myself if he had a lot of friends period. Does he seem flirty to girls when you are out with him? Is he only meeting girls when you are not with him? Some guys are just flirty and charming and absolutely faithful to their partners. Some are dogs. Trust is earned over time.
It is good that he is being honest with you. He should be inviting you along also for brunch, drinks etc. with these "friends". Keep your eye out for signals, but don't raise alarms unless you have something significant.
2007-08-29 16:03:16 · answer #6 · answered by Lissie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to be an honest guy. I guess you would have to learn how to trust him, if its too much for you let him go. No need to freak out unless you had some hard core proof of him foolin around on you. She was probably rude because she's jealous! You know lonely broads always want the men that are taken!
2007-08-29 15:57:44 · answer #7 · answered by mrsclh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's friendly, I don't think his intentions are bad, but I don't think it's appropriate to be in a relationship and go out one on one with women you just meet as "friends."
2007-08-29 15:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf likes attention from other females. Why is he going out so much without you? He spends more time with his female friends than with you. Something is wrong with this picture.
2007-08-29 15:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously both of you need to find a compromise or this is will destroy your relationship. There is no right or wrong, only finding a compromise on both ends so everyone is happy.
2007-08-29 15:50:35 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋