What kinds of things have you learned about marriage over the years? What advice can you give a married couple (5 years in) that could help them make it when all odds are against them? Do you see marriage differently now than you did when you first got married? Do young people not understand how it should be in reality?
2007-08-29 07:43:13 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
I am a 76 yr. old female, I was married to my husband for 52 yrs. until he died in 2002. What makes a marriage work is communication and obeying your marriage vows. We had many ups and downs, but who hasn't? Marriage is a give and take. You take the good with the bad! There are to many divorces nowadays because people forget what they vowed when they got married!
2007-08-29 08:52:36 · answer #1 · answered by Gerry 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It's basically impossible for people to understand what marriage is until you're there. You can get advice from everyone and it wont help until you and your mate are sitting across from each other. What I learned after 20 years is-the first requirement should be respect-even above love. If you have respect for your mate, you'll be fair to them and not want to hurt them. It all boils down to a lot of not very romantic things-like tolerance and forgiveness. It's also such an individual thing that there are no hard and fast rules to follow.
It's not a competition-it's supposed to be a union. Young marrieds probably wont understand that right away, but if they really work hard on the marriage,they'll come to understand.
2007-08-29 08:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by phlada64 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm 50, not a senior, and had a wonderful marriage until my husband died. Secrets? 1. Communication - neither one of you can EVER assume the other one knows what you are thinking. 2. Time alone together, a special time where you bond and share away from others, a time that is sacred 3. Never using the word DIVORCE in relation to yourself, your husband or your marriage. Never "we can always get a divorce," or "if you don't like it we can get a divorce," or "things would be easier if we get a divorce." I think one of the things that makes marriage end more quickly today than in years before is that divorce is seen as a quick answer, instead of a drastic solution when everything else has failed.
2007-08-29 07:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by ssmesq 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think gay people who love each other and never intend to look further should have the rights straight couples have. One beautiful example of what it's like without them was portrayed by the other Redgrave sister [not Lynn] in a segment of If These Walls Could Talk. She and her partner had bought a house together, had been there decades, into old age. When her partner died, her family came to take her things and sell the house, leaving Redgrave to lose her own house. Another example occurs in hospitals every day, disallowing a gay partner to visit recovery or ICU because they're not "family".
2016-05-21 01:07:31 · answer #4 · answered by chelsey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in my second marriage. I've learned that I don't have any control over what or how my spouse thinks. I've learned that he tends to listen better when I talk less. I've learned that marriage is compromise. But the most important thing I've learned is that we ALWAYS need to treat each other with respect. Even when he's wrong!
2007-08-29 10:49:30 · answer #5 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been happily married 32 years. Love each other, trust each other, listen to each other, really listen. Love them for who they are, not something you want them to be.
No one is perfect and no marriage is perfect. Don't
expect it to be, you will have ups and downs.That's
part of it. If there is a problem, work together on that problem. That is easy to say and it isn't always easy to do, but a good marriage is worth it. Marriage is an effort, but it pays off.
2007-08-29 08:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Give them a special present. Buy two cheap notebooks at the store and two pencils. Give each of them one notebook and one pencil. Then tell them they should go into separate rooms of their residence and write their own answers to the following two questions:
1. Why do I want to go on living?
2. Why do I want to go on living with you?
At the end of their writing they should swap noteboooks, see what their mate wrote and discuss it.
Those two questions get everything past the mundane and ridiculous, e.g. what her friends think of him, what his friends think of her, how she looks for a night out on the town, what their relatives think of the choice they made in a mate.
Those two questions and their answers are the reality in a marriage. Everything else is forgettable.
2007-08-29 11:07:48 · answer #7 · answered by desertviking_00 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to think I'm crazy, but when my husband and I first got married everything was great... until our first fight... Ouch!
We talked about fighting and learned how to by watching sitcoms. Really! "King of Queens" was especially good at demonstrating how to fight without yelling and calling names. Now we say what we want to say and laugh, or have a witty comeback. We are no longer defensive, but open minded and can communicate well. And communication is the secret to any good relationship! Good luck!
2007-08-29 09:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by Granny 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a relationship/union and you both must work very hard to make it wonderful.
2007-08-29 11:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
we have almost 32 years - it was hard for us in the early years we didn't have much money communication is the most important thing to remember don't leave little annoyances to grow, talk about it and sort it out
2007-08-29 08:36:15 · answer #10 · answered by Diamond 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋