Should I be concerned?

Question

My husband and I have been having a hard time with our marriage lately, it got to the point where my husband said he went down to the court house and got divorce papers. There was a period of about 2 and a half weeks where we were fighting all the time and he was always on the phone and texting someone but would never tell me who. We have now decided to work things out and in doing so I found somethings out. The person he was talking to was another girl that he has been friends with and has worked with for 5 years. The thing is they both use to like each other and still flirt ans tease each other, I know this because I have seen it and read text messages that he hadn't deleted yet. I also found out she was the one that gave him the divorce papers because her herself just went through one. I have asked him not to flirt with her and not to talk to her about our relationship, but he says she is a friend who understands him. Should I be worried that something more is there?

Answer 1

Not necessarily, but having this between you two isn't going to make your marriage any better. It obviously bothers you, therefore the two of you need to find a compromise in the middle that both of you can live with.

Answer 2

personally i say yes, both of you need to sit down and put everything out on the table if you guys want it to work, that means your husband has to understand your feelings, he's married and sending flirting text messages to eachother is wrong when you have a wife. I understand that there might be nothing going on between them yet, and its just friends having funny, but i do believe if they keep on acting the way they do with eachother it can become something if it hasnt yet, i know from experiance; stuff i would of never thought would happend did, so just let him know how you feel, he needs to understand this because if it was turned around i dont think he would like it either, and if he loves you and wants to save your marriage and make it work he should know what to do.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear you are having marriage problems, speaking from experience dealing with 1st husband who claimed he was only "friends" with a woman. Yes, I would worry and try to get more information on this friend of his. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Answer 4

Honey - I say this all the time - who's feelings are more important - yours or this girl's??? He needs to get his priorities straight .He is a married man and if this girl understands him so much then tell him to go marry her. He is totally disrespecting you and the marriage. He's lied about her and won't let her go - I would definitely tell him to give you those divorce papers back so you can file them yourself. This girl is a real trouble maker. Get rid of him - you deserve better.

Answer 5

Thats how it ended for me with my ex. If its not a physical affair its at least an emotional one which is just as dangerous to your marriage.
Your husband is too emotionally connected to this other woman. I read an article a while back that made a lot of sense. I posted the link below. You should really take a look. He might not even have admitted to himself what hes doing yet.

Answer 6

Well, do you have to ask about the worry there? Yes! Be worried about it. He may have had more then what he wants to tell you. Being in the middle of things like that is hard.
Either way, i'd have to talk to her about it. then talk to him and see the reactions they give. If he defends that woman too much, then you have your answer.
The question is or the answer is.... Go file before he does. Office romances don't last long... She sounds needy and your husbands ear was there. Trust your feelings and vibes you get from her.

Answer 7

What right did she have getting the divorce paper's for him and handing them to him? , she wants your marriage over she know's he's a good man and want's what she shouldnt want.

If he cant end the friendship I'd be wondering why , your his wife you come 1st 100% of the time over any work mate.Get her out of your marriage 2's company 3's a crowd.

Answer 8

People do usually have close friends at work and many are of the opposite sex, but it all boils down to how you answer this question; Do you trust your husband?
If so , ask him to define thier friendship, and how it could possibly interfere with your marriage (divorce papers supplier).
If not, I would seek professional help with your relationship.

Answer 9

I would be. If he isn't willing to even tell you that he won't talk to her theres a problem there. Especially after they were flirting and she gave him the divorce papers? Personally I would find her and kick her a**, but I'm not telling you to go do that either. I say leave his sorry butt if he doesn't agree to stop talking to her or find a new job.

Answer 10

I don't think I would be worried about the fact that he was friends with her as much as the fact that he tried to hide it from you. If nothing's going on, there's no reason he couldn't tell you about her. I just went through the same thing, only it was my husband's ex. They were just "friends"---until he left me and moved in with her. I hope your situation turns out better than mine! Good luck.

Answer 11

You should be worried because at the very least he is discussing things with her he should be discussing with you. You don't send flirtatious texts if you respect and are committed to your partner. I suggest marriage counselling because a neutral third party needs to tell him to stop texting her and he should change his number and not give her the new one. Many men like to set someone else up so if they leave their marriage/relationship they won't be alone. Be careful, and good luck.