she was caught kissing 1 boy out back her aunts house,another boy at her grandmas house. she was also caught in the act of playing with a boys private part...i dont know how far shes gone sexually. i was told by her friend,she wants guys to like her...she is only 12. in school some kids were calling her a sl*t last year. she lives with her mom,sent to grandmas cause she wasnt able to control her.after summer camp grandma sends her to her fathers in hope he can help straighten her out. shes had behavioral problems all summer and part of last year..my part in this is, im the only one she said she trusts enough to talk to. its hard for me .im her dads girlfriend and she says im here bestfriend.her dad is shocked about all this and has idea on how to even ask her about all of it.he came to me. i hope there is someone out here who can help me her before she goes too far.
2007-08-29 06:14:23 · 17 answers · asked by Kimmi 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Being 12 myself, I've kissed a few guys and thats as far as its ever gone; since I'm mature enough to understand the consequences of other sexual acts. Anyway, there is this girl in my grade who is really one to 'flaunt it'. And its not beauty, intelligence or athleticism she's flaunting. Its how far she's gone.
When she walks down the halls, people whisper. When she brags or the guy brags about making out with her, etc., she is looked down upon. Guys only want her to pleasure themselves, and she's up for it.
I was utterly disgusted with her behavior and couldn't fathom to have her grow up like this. I wasn't the best of friends with her, since she hung out with people who smoked and lived in dirty parts of our city. Just not my kind of people. So I was like, 'hey, do you wanna go get something to eat after school today?' and she said yeah. So we went to Mokas (basically like Starbucks) and got some coffee and sat down.
I explained to her what people say about her, and asked why she does what she does. She told me that the reason why she does it is because it makes her feel wanted. In return, I stated that she shouldn't degrade herself to make herself popular or wanted. She was a beautiful soon-to-be-teen and had her whole life to find that 'special one.'
Then I took her to my hair stylist and made her promise that i f she likes her new make over, she'll change her ways. And she can talk to me anytime - as a mentor, as a guide or as just a friend. She ended up liking her new style and got her some casual NICE mature clothes instead of stripper clothes that she's been wearing.
To this day, we've been best friends and my regular friends are accepting her. And the only thing that people are saying about her is how great she looks.
Try to understand your bf's daughter. Don't parent her. You're not her parent. You're someone who she trusts, a friend, someone parent's of teens wish they could be. Guide her, befriend her and understand her. That's the only way you're going to be able to help her.
On how to open up a discussion, is to take her to lunch or shopping. Ask her what makes her feel special, who's her latest crush, etc. Be blunt about how far she's gone. I personally hate it when people are trying to ask me something, but don't come right out with it - they beat around the bush.
Ask her why she does things with guys, and make her feel better about herself. I'd say 98% of teens who have high self-esteem are less likely to do drugs, alcohol, or sex.
Make her into a lady, not a prostitute. A mature and sophisticated young woman, not a walking 'come n get it!' sign.
And I'm not saying make her prude and high-nosed. But make her glow with self-esteem, not gray with self-hate.
Hope it helps. And email me if you need more help.
Ohdangbabyitsblg@yahoo.com
2007-08-29 06:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋
First of all... she is probably having behavorial problems because there is no stability in her life... first mom , then grandma, then her dad is taking care of her. Kids aren't easy... and giving up on them and shipping them off to someone else is only going to make it harder to enforce rules and will make the girl feel unwanted.
Now...best freinds are great but she needs an adult to raise her too! I understand that you are not a parent of her so you shouldn't be the one that enforces rules. what you should do it talk to her about the results of the decisions that she is makeing. Talk to her as an adult not a child... tell her about pregnancy, STD's, heart ache, and rape. But don't be overly negative... tell her that sex is something that should be special (I wouldn't try to tell her abstinance is the only way, because i am sure she know you and her dad are having sex) Tell her that men aren't going to respect her is she just gives it out and that respect is what she should be striving for with men, not just being "liked" by them.
Lastly, it has been proven that early sexual activity is connected to low self esteem. so take her out and make her feel pretty, powerful, and most of all loved. Have a girls day where you go get pampered and can have a girl to girl talk. Also make sure that you tell her that if she ever feels that it is the right time for her to become intimate with someone that she should talk to you first, and you can help her make good dicisions regarding safety.
You will also have to set up some rules with her. Her father has to be envolved with this. don't just tell her that she can't go out with so-n-so just becuase dad says so. tell her that you are both worried about her and therefore you expect her to be home by a certain time and to let you know where she is. Again treat her like an adult.
Lastely! Get her on the pill! That way is she doen't listen to you she won't end up pregnant at 13!
2007-08-29 06:29:25 · answer #2 · answered by pdsmonki0809 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well, maybe you are the chosen one to talk to her about everything. you need to sit down and have a good talk about what her body is feeling now (hormones) and what she should and shouldn't do with boys. Tell her she gets a bad reputation otherwise and she is to precious to deserve such a name...
Maybe read some SexEd stuff in some of the books and ways on how to deal / talk with girls at that age.
Some kids also act "sexually" when they have been abused (sexually) themselves. Keep that in your mind too.
Always keep an open discussion with her dad about this too and you could be the one who communicates with her since she trusts you so much.
2007-08-29 08:37:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im 17 and I personally know how kids that age behave. They are already having sex and doing drugs. If your the only one she trusts then have a girls night with her. Rent movies,have pizza etc. and when yall do start talking casually bring it up and just let her talk. Dont scold or tell her what she is doing is wrong becuz she will close you out.
If she tells you shes been thinking about having sex or that she is having sex then I would speak with her father and tell him that she needs to be on birth control. If she doesnt want to change her ways then she isnt going to.
2007-08-29 06:24:19 · answer #4 · answered by Danielle C 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
If she trusts you, then I would be honest with her. Take her out for dinner or something with her knowing you wanted to talk about her life. She if she does trust you enough to open up and share how experienced she is. Dont judge her..she has enough of that. Tell her how you feel about sex...what it means to you...why you do it. Then talk about the kind of boys/friends repect you for doing the right thing. Help her to have confidence in who she is as a person. It sounds like she needs to value her life seeing how she is passed around. If her parents don't care where she lives, how can you expect her to care what happens to her body/morals.
2007-08-29 06:23:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
um...i think maybe if you can find some responsible guys to be her friends, that will cure her need for the male gender. i think it's just that she feels like she needs them around, but maybe if they were just friends, that would help. but yeah she's gone too far already. you should talk to her about it when it's just the two of you. like if you're in the car or something. but i think she's already gone too far and is planning to go further you need to stop her now. or show her some other ways of getting rid of hormones...
2007-08-29 08:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should take her to lunch and then let her know you are there for her or ask her dad to go out for hte night and oder pizza and tell her you are there for her if she needs you and let her know your not yelling at her but she needs to understand what shes doin...maybe talk to her about std's and sex and also talk to here father about you puttin her on birth control she also needs more attention from her dad i think let her know hes not just a bad guy he wants her to be safe
good luck you guys need to stop this b4 your taken care of a baby
2007-08-29 08:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to her, and tell her of the consequences. A few kids here, are said to do that. One of them said she's not a virgin, smokes and drinks. The other one said she gave head and skinnydips in a open pond. It's gross, and they're known as sluts, and they're reputation is ruined.
2007-08-29 07:07:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'll tell you that the best thing you can do for her is to properly inform her. she is too young, but the moment you tell her that she will not confide in you because she'll feel like you wont understand. and when i say inform her, you have to be completely comfortable with her and understanding and as much as you wont like my answere, you just need to take her and get her on birth control. if she is having sex, you wont stop her from it. the best thing to do is protect her. if she trusts you then thats great. take her to planned parenthood and get her on the pill and DONT tell her father. i know, that would be awful for him to find out and he'd probably be pretty angry with you. but this is how you keep her trust. you taking an interest in her and letting her know you arent mad at her and that you are their for her will allow her to open up to you more and therefore you'll get through to her more. if she tells you things like you really are her best friend, as if to go into detail with you about what she's done, then that will help you to help her. and then you can start with some info about self respect and waiting and protection. but if you go into it asking questions and she feels like you dont understand or that you will tell her dad she's not going to open up. you just have to be her friend and teacher. like i said if she is having sex, you will not stop her but you can help her to not get pregnant or std's. good luck!
2007-08-29 08:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by bn123 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well im 13,
one of my best friends went "all the way" with one of her best friends, and then he dumped her,
just tell her that there using her
see if that works....
2007-08-29 09:42:44 · answer #10 · answered by Sammy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋