Please suggest ways of turning her down without hurting her.
2007-08-29 06:04:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry to add. we do have a couple of trysts and was not inform of the situation.
2007-08-29 06:31:54 · update #1
just tell her that is is spoken for and thats that be friend sure but just friends or what ever makes you comfy
2007-08-29 06:08:25 · answer #1 · answered by finnlecarb 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time for a heart-to-heart.
This is, of course, assuming that you haven't done anything at all to contribute to her idea that you may still be "interested" in her. Take care of that issue (if it exists) first.
Invite her to lunch in a public place so she won't be too tempted to cause a scene.
Tell her as gently as possible that while you appreciate the attention she's giving you, you're feeling really uncomfortable since you have both moved on and chosen different paths. She's married to a really great guy who you respect and like. And you are into whatever it is you're in to.
tell her that while it's nice to remember the past - it's really really bad to try to re-live the past. See Genesis - Lot's wife - for that kind of advice.
Finally, impress upon her that if she wants to remain your friend she should 1. stop making advances towards you - which makes you uncomfortable; and 2. be more attentive to her husband - who you like and respect. No threats of telling her husband - save that for a surprise if you have to.
Then back off being around her socially. Don't return phone calls, emails or txt messages. Simply go on without her.
If she persists in persuing you - then call her husband and invite him to lunch and tell him what's happening - and how you've tried to make her understand that she's no longer someone you want to be intimate with.
That may cause all kinds of repercussions but at least you'll be in the clear. If she's having marital problems - you don't want to be a part of them at all.
2007-08-29 06:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think all you can do, is avoid her in every way you can.
You say she's married? But you don't say if you are.
It's possible she's a ****, or unhappy in her marriage. But
only she knows, which it is. If you can't avoid her, then talk to her about it, and those two possibilities about her. I know you don't want to hurt her, which is the alternative, but I'm really not sure if it's possible to not hurt her, when turning her down. Whatever you do, though, don't let her manipulate you in anyway, including mentally. Stay in charge.
2007-08-29 06:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to kindly aknowledge her advances... maybe say " You flirt with me quite a bit, and I wanted to know why..." or something along those lines. Then you need to say something like " I appreciate your attention but it makes me uncomfortable and I would never do anything to hurt my wife or myself or anyone else for that matter" Then see what she says. This would be a kind, gentle way of telling her how you feel. This may not work, you have to be prepared to say something stronger but it's a start. Good luck!
2007-08-29 06:25:22 · answer #4 · answered by spiffy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her, that was then and this is now.
You are not into getting involved with her or anyone who is married, happy or not..
your relationship was a long time ago and you have moved on.....
you need to be perfectly clear and perfectly honest.
I wouldn't worry about hurt feelings, this woman has her own agenda, and if you don't put a stop to it, there could be bigger problems......
nip it in the bud now
2007-08-29 06:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her husband. Or just tell the hussy to step off. Who cares if her feelings are hurt. She's a married woman who could care less if her husbands feelings could become hurt. I'd tell her to make like a Bit#H and "GET!!"
2007-08-29 06:13:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have been high school sweethearts, it will be easy to communicate honestly & openly. Just state you don't feel comfortable being with a married woman & that this is bad karma you don't need.
2007-08-29 06:11:16 · answer #7 · answered by lovelysmurf 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would hurting her feeling matter??? She is trying to sleep with a married guy. NOTHING bad can happen to this scummy woman, that would be worse than she deserves. Up to, and including death. Doesn't it occur to you that by trying screw around with you, she is calling YOU scum. After all, only human scum cheat.
2007-08-29 08:45:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you don't want to contribute to the break up of her marriage. You might want to consider terminating the friendship, too. No need to put yourself in the middle of something messy.
2007-08-29 06:12:06 · answer #9 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Too bad if she feels hurt, she's trying to cheat on her husband. Simply say "Sorry, I don't play with married people. Thanks anyway."
Her feelings don't deserve to be spared...she sure doesn't give a shiot about her husband's, does she?
2007-08-29 06:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just say NO. Don't be afraid to tell her the truth.
2007-08-30 21:22:16 · answer #11 · answered by Prata 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋