He says it was his Catholic up bringing and guilt over leaving the kids that drove him to this decision. She had an affair, actually two in the time they were married...this is why they split. She still calls him all of the time over personal issues, not concerning the children. I think understandably I feel insecure about it. He won't cut the tie. I know that I shouldn't have married him, but I believed him when he said that he didn't love her, it was just because of the kids. What do I do? I know I was stupid, so you don't have to tell me this...I know it. It is making me ver up set!!!
2007-08-29 05:00:19 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if he really cares about you, he'll want to listen how his relationship with his ex wife makes you feel. And if he knows how uncomfortable and insecure you feel about it, he shouldn't mind changing some things for you. If he doesn't care....well, :-/
2007-08-29 05:05:18 · answer #1 · answered by Lorreign v.2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he wasn't really over her when he told you he didn't love her anymore. Maybe he thought he could get past his feelings for her. He should have known better than to get remarried...it is not your fault, because you only believed what he told you. You would think he would dislike her for what she did and not want anything to do with her. There should be no involvment between him and her other than the kids. No personal issues, no chit chatting and no seeing each other, except for pick up and drop off of the kids and you should be present if possible. All non-essential ties should be cut. You have to discuss this with him and make it clear, at least that is what I would do. Your feelings should come first and if they aren't, you may need to rethink what to do about this. You aren't stupid, you had hope and faith that he was being honest. I would tell him no more contact or there will be consequences. Life is way too short honey and this is "your" life too, you may need to find someone who can be 100% available to you in every way, because that is what you deserve! Best wishes!!
2007-08-29 16:12:31 · answer #2 · answered by 2008girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone goes through doubts about an ex. Some people act, some come close, some write it off understanding that it is part of the grieving process. If you got with him shortly after they split then you are seeing the result of that bad decision not the decision to marry him. The insecurity is yours and yours alone to deal with. They can not ever cut the ties, they were married and have children. She will eventually fade to the background when she finds her own long term partner, it always happens.
2007-08-29 12:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what ...Your husband is just being way to guilty and needs to get over it. After all he chose divorce and the ex was not into religion enough for her to cheat on him twice. Yes they share children together and that is the only thing he ever needs to dicuss with her..anything other than that he is just being down right disrespectful to you and allowing you to think its something more. I would honestly set up an appointment with a marriage counselor so that he doesn't lose you over his guilt behavior to realize how to live in the here and now. Besides that God would never expect anyone to stay in a relationship with someone that is an adulter and expect him to tollerate that kind of emotional abuse. Yes your husband has problems and I would do something drastic to get his attention on you where it belongs. He just needs to knock it off and I would stand up to him and ask him what in the hell are you thinking? Just because he allows her to emotionally abuse him does not mean that you will put up with him emotionally abusing you. I would tell him his attitude about his ex is going to change because you are not going to deal with it the way it is anymore!! You take care of yourself and be happy.
2007-08-29 13:47:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will always be in the middle of things..... Get use to it. But, set a ground rule between you and his ex-wife. The kids will always keep him involved...But, the ex's personal..life is her own...stress that to him. You should let him know how you feel and why you feel that way. Talk it out now, while it is fresh or you'll always be on the back burner.... trust me it hurts.
Ex- wives can change a 2nd marriage quickly....trust me I know. I was there at one time. i didn't take it. I walked away and he did the chasing after, when he knew he was wrong to have or try to stay nutral..... I come first, the kids second...Ex-wife to the curb.
Good luck.... Talk to him now!!!
To remain friends because of the kids and only friends, is great. But, to remain friends...close because they need contact between one another....is totaly wrong.
talk it out now..... or Walk!
2007-08-29 12:24:46 · answer #5 · answered by Petunia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say. Lets think about it critically... he said it was his Catholic up bringing the reason the almost went back to her, so then how could he say he did not love her, but married her? Seems strange to me. So this is what you need to do, if you already haven't, talk to him, explain to him your situation, make him understand, talk to a priest, go to a marriage counselor. Wish you the best.
2007-08-29 12:15:52 · answer #6 · answered by JJ52 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my best advice "KNOW THY ENEMY" get close to her .When his x wife calls say Hi in a VERY friendly voice ask her how she is doing ask about the kids , try and chit chat with her, tell her you want to be friends since your husband is the father of her children , Tell your husband also you want to be friends with his X . Get involved with her in a friendly way .
If he he dose not want you talking to her then be suspicious .
If there relationship is just a friendship or a bond because of the kids you need to be part of it because you are involved with his children when they visit. You may have to discuss things with her like what do the kids like to eat , or should you let the kids do________ while they are visiting . good luck .
PS; I did this, and now often she calls for him and never talks to him , me and her just have a chat instead ,
2007-08-29 12:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by MASTIFF MOM 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truly feel that you shouldn't have married him, then get out, while it's still early. When you married him, did you feel this way? Why would you do that to yourself? Sometimes things don't work the way we would like them to. You shouldn't take too much of the blame upon yourself, but you should try to save your dignity, and sanity and get out so you can find a happier co-existense with someone who is intent on you. Good luck.
2007-08-29 12:08:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you knew all his history before you married him, you cannot make him change now. just let him know he should no be taking calles from his ex unless it is about the children. He has to have a civil relationship with her because of the children. it will be hard for him to let that go just because he is remarried. Just give him the love he did not get from his first wife and hope it is enough...
2007-08-29 12:06:25 · answer #9 · answered by just me 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He ultimately married YOU. He made his choice and unless he seems unhappy with you, when you're not ragging on about his X, then stop fretting and enjoy your marriage!
Congratulations!!
When those old doubts and insecurities start creeping into the recesses of your mind, say:
"She's his past, leave her there. He LOVES me, he CHOSE me, Happily Ever After Time :D"
2007-08-29 12:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by alisongiggles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see that there's anything you can do. You are right that you probably shouldn't have married him, but now you're in it. Best you can do is ask him not to talk to her unless it is about their kids, but I doubt he will go along with this. I am sorry, but now it's time to sleep in the bed you made.
2007-08-29 12:04:57 · answer #11 · answered by julz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋