the problem:she wants children and she doesn´t,
(they have been together for about 8 years, married 2 years...she´s 30 and he´s 33..)
she is absolutely sure she doesn´t want children and I guess when they got married he hoped she would change her mind one day...now they are arguing about this topic, but it´s my friend who says that maybe they should get a divorce, I think that´s him who has to make a decision, spend the rest of his life with her and no kids, or seperate and look for another wife...what do you all think??? what piece of advice should I give my friend??? I want to help her, but I don´t know how...
2007-08-29 03:51:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry, I meant that HE wants kids and SHE doesn´t....
PS I am going to stay at her place for some days, and she´ll ask for my advice..
2007-08-29 04:02:08 · update #1
Marriage counseling........if they dont compromise they will resent each other.......its the only way
2007-08-29 03:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by oklasoonersgrl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its really both of them that need to make a decision. Actually a couple of decisions.
1. Are the willing to go to couples counseling. They really need someone who can help them talk through this. If the are not willing to do then then they really only have one other decision to make.
2. Who gets the house in the divorce. This is really where this marriage is headed. HE should have realized that you can't change anyone but yourself. SHE didn't want kids going in and she told him that. HE kept fantasizing about her coming around (which isn't going to happen).
I feel bad for them. But if the don't split now.. it will only get uglier as time goes on and resentment builds (like it hasn't already.. right)?
2007-08-29 11:12:45 · answer #2 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
before marriage, people need to make their feelings clear about things such as children, finances, the way they expect to live, and other things.....
apparently this man went into the marriage with some odd "hope" he could change your friend... people don't magically change after they say I DO...
so it's HIS problem and there isnt any reason to argue. He already knew she didn't intend to have kids, and if he wanted them, he should have married someone else.
you can't help -- it's not your problem.
2007-08-29 11:17:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully they did discuss how they felt about children prior to getting married. If her husband had told her that he really wanted to be a father one day...and she knew that she didn't want children ever....then shame on her for marrying him anyways. Shame on him for thinking that he could change her mind. One of them is going to have to change their mind if the marriage is to survive. Either she will need to decide that being a mother isn't such a bad idea and will give it a try or her husband will need to accept that he most likely will never father a child with her.
2007-08-29 11:05:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's not being fair. If they discussed this and she was absolutely clear on the fact that she would never want kids, then this is all on him. If they stay together, they will likely come to resent each other- he will resent her for not changing her mind and depriving him of offspring, and she will resent him for not respecting her enough from the start to accept her decision not to have kids.
2007-08-29 11:07:50 · answer #5 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The whole point of a man and a woman getting married is to start a family. If she wants to deny him children than she should have chosen an alternate lifestyle.
2007-08-29 11:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by diamondbullet66 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He wants to be a father, so she should let him go on with his life and hopefully find a woman who will have his child.
He did however know this when he married her.
It's like their playing tug a war. Not good for the relationship, but then to, people do change with time, and he happened to land one that isn't willing to change her mind.
They should seek a few sessions with a councelor, or she should just set him free.
2007-08-29 11:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He married her hoping that she would change. This is a joke. They should divorce.
When are people going to realize that you cannot change other people. You can only change yourself.
Love will not cure this. A divorce will.
2007-08-29 11:25:51 · answer #8 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as crude as it sounds, the best is to get a divorce. Because, if he really wants to procreate and she doesn't, other problems may arise. Life always find its way...
2007-08-29 11:30:13 · answer #9 · answered by Izzie My Blueberry Nights 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of this. You have no bearing on this situation. If he wants advice have him speak with someone qualified to help like a marriage counselor.
2007-08-29 10:58:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Only if she asks you for your advice then you should tell her to get a professionals advice on the subject. Your opinion should not be relayed to her, this is her decision.
2007-08-29 11:12:01 · answer #11 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋