Why is it so hard for me to give up my marriage and get a divorce? I have been with my husband for 5 years and he has cheated on me, drained my bank account, and done many other terrible things, however the love I feel for him is unconditional. We have had very few good times and plenty of bad times. We have a child and one on the way and our child adores him and all that she talks about is "my daddy." I feel as though I cannot leave him because I do not want her to be without him and if we divorced our child would rarely see him because we would live in two different states. I just really love him and do not want to live without him, but I can't live with him. We are starting counseling today, but any other thoughts?
2007-08-29 03:48:05 · 22 answers · asked by allie s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to heal yourself before you heal the marriage. Seek individual counseling.
2007-08-29 03:51:50 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the counseling doesn't work...I think for your own sanity, your daughter's sanity , and your unborn child's sanity you should leave your husband. He has no respect for you and your family. He has cheated on you and has drained your bank account. Are you sure that you don't want to leave him because you are scared to be on you? If that is the case....you can do this...it may take some hard work and sacrifices in order to make this transition. Your daughter will be better off without her dad being a permanent fixture in her life.....If he wants to maintain a relationship with her he will find the time to come visit her....no matter how far apart they are.
2007-08-29 10:59:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are two reasons why I would leave: cheating and/or abuse. You think you love him but you dont, you dont love yourself or him. You just dont want to be alone and you have very low self esteem, obviously.
I'm not sure that therapy can help your marriage. I dont think he ever wanted to get married. He's a coward.
Never stay in a marriage for the children. I say, do the counseling therapy and then if he doesnt straighten up (give him 2 months), then GET OUT. (I wouldve left as soon as he cheated and drained my bank account ,children or not).
You're not being a good mom or person just because you've decided to stay with an idiot. You're just as idiotic as he is.
2007-08-29 10:55:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to what others tell you. Many people, both in your personal life, and on this site will say "Leave him. He cheated, blew money, blah, blah, blah". But you have to search yourself.
If you still have the spark of hope to stay, and try, then FOLLOW THAT. I was in pretty much the same boat as you. I made the mistake of letting the disappointment, anger, and doubt....(along with listening to what everyone had to say) influence me to go file for divorce and see it through. Well now, I see clearly that I love my husband (really my ex, but we tell everyone the divorce didn't go through).
I know his good/bad points. We have been through hell and back. And good, bad, or ugly.......I love and accept him. I won't stand for disrespect or abuse. That is where I draw the line.....but we've been through alot and have both grown from it.
So again, listen to YOUR inner voice. When it is REALLY over, YOU will KNOW. You won't have to ask anyone anything because it will be YOU who has no second thoughts or even a question about walking away and never looking back. So stay. That way, down the line, if it DOES come to you walking away.........you'll never have any "what if's" or regrets.
Hope that helps.
2007-08-29 10:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I haven't a clue as to why people stay in a bad relationship for the kids. The kids are also a part of the relationship. It's not healthy for them either.
Well at least your both starting counceling today!!! Maybe you jumped ship to ask our advice, before a professionals.
If counceling doesn't work, get out!! Why would you want to be with a man who cheats, steals and is down right terrible?
His daughter will still have a relationship with her father. Have you considered letting him have custody of her?
2007-08-29 11:04:47 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with being soft and yielding - it's actually in our biology. We are created to mate well - men to mate often. The hormones that are spilled onto us are there for a reason - to protect the unborn, to provide someone to protect US as well, so that we are safe to nurture one small and defenseless. But we are so rooted in being civilized that we can't remember that we are also animals. So there are perfect reasons why you feel as you do.
Our society teaches it's women to do just as your are doing - do be confused. To wonder "why".
These two forces fighting each other make it difficult for us to do anything very well. So, my advice is to try your best to do what pleases you most at this point because you surely can't please anyone else.
One thing i can tell you is that he is likely not to change much. If i were you, i would demand to SEE change before trusting him again. Don't deny him access to his daughter (couldn't you arrange to live in the same state? Joint custody? A friend in HIS state to help out some how?), that much is good of you and the right thing to do, but you don't have to give in to everything to do it.
As far as your relationship with him...
It's far better to be healthy by yourself than to be sick with someone else...
Good luck honey. You can only do your best.
2007-08-29 11:06:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This man has cheated, drained your bank account, and done many other terrible things, and you're pregnant with another of his kids---- wow! Was your mother the same way? Us women learn our behavior from our mother. This guy can do ANYTHING to you-- he has ALL the power here. Please teach the kids that this is not normal and that love is all about respect and trust as its foundation.
2007-08-29 11:18:56 · answer #7 · answered by Lucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a good example to be setting for your children. Please take your children and go stay with your family.
Go to counseling. You need to take care of yourself. You need to get a life for your self and your children. He does not love you. You can live without him. You have lost you. You need to spend sometime finding yourself again. Figure out what is best for you and your children. I do not believe that a cheater is the best parent. They have no morals. Most are hypocrites.
Good luck.
2007-08-29 10:56:14 · answer #8 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So whats the problem? Are you afraid to be happy , maybe find someone you just might truly love and get a long with? Don't be afraid of throwing in the towel.... go be happy some where else let him be miserable by himself or with another my ex is and my daughter enjoys the relationship I have with my bf. It gives her hope of finding someone she can laugh and have a happy life with!
2007-08-29 10:54:45 · answer #9 · answered by Teresa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing by going to counseling but know that if he isn't willing to stop his behavior not even therapy is going to work. I understand how you feel about not wanting to separate your children from their father but eventually when they get older and see how unhappy you are then they will also be unhappy.
2007-08-29 10:54:29 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋