I have a problem that I need help with. I have a friend "Lynn" that I have known for almost 9 years. A couple of years ago I helped her get a job where I work. Not long after that her husband filed for divorce. After the divorce she changed for the worse, going to bars a lot and meeting guys on the internet. We sort of stopped talking because I didn't care for the new "Lynn" at all. She was telling lies to everyone also. A few months ago she met a guy and they are getting married in December. One of the girls at work came up to me today and said I need to give "Lynn" my home address so she can send me an invitation to the bridal shower and the wedding. My opinion is, if "Lynn" wants me there, why can't she call me herself? She has my home phone number, my work number, my work e-mail and my personal e-mail address. I have IM'd her several times since she quit working here and I never hear back from her. Please help. Should I call her or should she call me if she wants me there?
2007-08-29 03:32:54 · 27 answers · asked by Dovah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I need to clear up the fact that I did try to help her through the divorce and after the divorce. I went to court for her and I was there when she cried. I tried to tell her that her lifestyle was becoming destructive but she didn't want to hear it. She started to lie to me about everything. I tried for a very long time to get her to see what she was doing. This is the life style she chose. It's not like I turned my back on her, it's the other way around. I have IM'd her and I have e-mailed her, she never responds.
2007-08-29 03:53:39 · update #1
This is for lizzylu. Yes I do know what it's like. In 1999 my husband got up in the middle of the night and walked out on me and our 1 1/2 year old daughter. I haven't seen him since. I didn't go into a destructive spiral. I went back to school and got a decent job and took care of me and my daughter all by myself.
2007-08-30 00:48:15 · update #2
Sounds like she is the childish one. If it were me, I wouldn't call because you are right, if she was really your friend and wanted you there, she would call herself. Sounds to me like she is just interested in filling the seats at her wedding so she looks more popular.
2007-08-29 03:39:29 · answer #1 · answered by azrielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she has figured out that you don't like the new "lynn" and has used a medium to reach you fearing that a confrontation would lead to bad things. Alot of things have happened to her and if your the friend that I think you are you should call her and clear things up. communication is key. IF she didn't want you to be there she wouldn't have asked somebody or anybody to invite you. Also things happen such as losing everyhting in a divorce...so she might have lost your number when she moved out. Also getting involved with a new guy takes alot of effort since often they want all the attention. If you don't know why she's not IMing you bacck ask her when you call her. Talk it out. aske her nicely about her life. If you are truly her friend you would accept her choices about life and be there for support. since you have disconnected yourself she is not sure if your there for her and used a meduim to ask. So I would instead of responding through the "friend person" respond directly to the source. ask for "lynn" phonenumber.
2007-08-29 03:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the answer is easy and if you were still important to her that she wouldn't chose a man over you. People always change and sometimes for the worse, and if you can you should just let her know that you are there for her when it all falls apart. I mean the divorce is a really great reason for self destructive behavior and that is probably why this all began anyways. It is your call and all weather you still think you can be her friend or even want to for that matter. If not cut your losses and move on.
2007-08-29 03:40:58 · answer #3 · answered by cassy l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well she may be worried that you don't want to have anything to do with her or the wedding, since you "sort of stopped talking because I didn't care for the new "Lynn" at all" and she didn't want to get rejected and hurt to her face.
I would give your address so you can at least be invited. When you get the invitations, you can decide whether or not you have the heart to go, but without the invites, you can't make that choice at a later date.
2007-08-29 03:37:54 · answer #4 · answered by Diet Peach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try calling her to extend your congratulations on her engagement/wedding, if you want to go so far tell her you were told she wanted your address and ask if it was true. If you two broke off your friendship in bad standing it is possible that she's worried you'll be snide/rude and don't even want to deal with her. At the very least you would have contacted her one last time. I wouldn't want to give my address to someone to give to her either but, it is a childish approach. If Lynn sent the co-worker to ask you, I don't think you're the only one that's failing to take the high road.
2007-08-29 04:02:48 · answer #5 · answered by Manny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be happy for her and give the other girl your information. Usually, invitations are sent out anyway...so don't be offended that she hasn't called you. Maybe send an e-mail and wish her the best and congratulate her on her upcoming wedding. Divorce is tough, and she may have changed...but she is still the person you knew as your friend deep down. Give her a chance and be the bigger person.
2007-08-29 03:39:30 · answer #6 · answered by ANGEL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having all these feelings on what you should do maybe you should leave it alone. If you don't or didn't like the new Lynn let the girl have her day and you 2 can hook up later, you can call her if you feel the need, or let it be, really that is your decision ,Lynn has made hers.
2007-08-29 03:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't even think the issue is really going to the bridal shower.
I think both of you need to go have lunch and talk. She may have just been hurting after the divorce, or maybe in some way this was always her and she just never showed it. But I really wouldn't bet on the latter.
I think the whole issue is whether this friendship is going to keep going or not. But the only way to find that out is to talk to her.
2007-08-29 03:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by Kia R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when people go though separation and divorce, sometimes they go sort of "wild" ...usually an emotional response to all the stressors. what your friend Lynn did is not uncommon at all... people even stop associating with their good friends at these times...
i had two friends who did much the same (less the internet dating and lies, that i know of?) and i was similar through my separation/divorce.... why? i don't know!!! a response?
don't call Lynn, let her get in touch with you....if it's that important you are present, she will let you know. otherwise, maybe she's just not the friend you thought she was years ago. people change..
take care of YOU
2007-08-29 03:41:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lynn is obviously in a pattern of self destructive behavior.
Do you want to reclaim the friend and friendship, or just let both go? You need to make a decision.
2007-08-29 03:36:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not childish, just mislead. She cannot call you, she cannot invite you to the shower or wedding, it's an etiquette thing. Showers are thrown FOR her so she can't 'do' anythgin beyond provide who she'd like invited. I say GO - maybe she's back to the Lynn you loved & knew before!
2007-08-29 03:41:08 · answer #11 · answered by Ann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋