He put the ball in my court when she wanted to play "junior girls football" after school - I thought it was a great idea, healthy exercise instead of TV. With her agreement I volunteered to help out, and I ususally bring her home up to the eyes in mud and grass. He now criticises me for turning her into a tomboy.
When she asked him if she could have her ears pierced, he said in front of me "Thats a girl thing. Ask your Mum-she might be ok with it or she might make you wait til you're older". I took this as him saying he didn't object, and after making sure she knew what she gettng herself into I agreed. He asked me later why the hell I had given her permission when she is too young to be 'dressing up'.
I don't even know if the issues he brings up are issues with him it all sometimes, or if he is just trying to make himself look 'big' by making me look 'small'. He refuses to have a level chat about this and i'm real p155ed about it- bigtime. How the hell do we get this sorted out?
2007-08-29 03:26:51 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband doesn't seem to have the sack required to be a daddy. He doesn't want to the the bad guy so he puts the ball in your court. That's pretty chicken sh*t because he's putting you in a "no win" situation.
Tell your husband that you will continue to ask his advice and listen to his input but when he tells your daughter it's up to you, then it IS up to you. He lost his right to say "no" when he said "Ask your mum".
When you talk to him, keep it short and simple. Tell him he has a say in things but he's going to have to say it BEFORE the deed is done.
2007-08-29 03:34:21 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, so maybe he doesn't want to be the "bad guy." next time your daughter asks for something, respond with "we will let you know in a minute" then talk to him privately. In that time give him the option: "speak now or forever hold your peace!" and stick to it. let him know that you are giving him a chance to have his say without your daughter present. if he still leaves the ball in your court, tell him what you intend to decide and give him one last chance to speak his mind. if he allows you to make your decision, then he has absolutely no right to argue later. by this time, he was given three chances to make a decision for himself: 1-when your daughter asked 2-when you got him alone and 3-when you informed him of your decision. if he still complains, then I'm sorry to tell you but he's just being a baby. You need to put your foot down, just like you would with a child and tell him he can quit whining.
2007-09-05 10:40:14 · answer #2 · answered by lisa m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to him. tell him that he will stop talking to you in that matter in front of the kids. if you make a decision that he disagrees with than he needs to tell you in private and not in the manner that he does. inform him how you feel when you have to make a decision that he couldnt make than he turns around and criticizes it. let him know that you will no longer accept this behavior from him and that it must stop. if he dont want to talk about it than fines. but all you want to do is for him to hear what you have to say. or you can tell him on the spot the next time he does that. GodBless
2007-09-05 00:09:50 · answer #3 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him flat out this is your child too and seh need your guidence. Eventually she is going to be dealing with boys and your going to have to help her understand how to deal with things.
His advice now will give her insights into how men think so she can deal with men later in life. He needs to talk to her about how he make the decision and why he thinks so things are good or bad.
She can learn more about men from a man than from a woman.
2007-09-03 11:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by dadw5boys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur husband id hitting at ur authority thru ur daughter. u are concerned about how this impacts on ur anger levels but u also need to realize that it will affect ur daughter too. she will become resentful and start playing the two of u against each other.
set some rules for your daughter and then discuss them with ur husband. don't mention that u are doing it to avoid being contradicted later on but that u are trying to structure her life. if u can get him to compromise on his expectations he can't opt to later back out.
maybe u also need to realize that he is insecure and needs to feel in control but since he has not got the tools to communicate effectively he lashes out inappropriately. when ur kid is covered in mud he may worry she is hurt but unable to say it. he may think she is growing up too fast and wants her to remain his baby and therefore criticizes the piercing
2007-09-05 03:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by kiki68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shrug it off and tell him that he wouldn't commit and said ask your mother. If he doesn't like the decisions you make then he needs to step in on his position. He only makes you look "small" because you let him. I'd also inform him that his opposition after the fact doesn't make him look "big" it only makes him look indecisive and weak. When his daughter asks, he should state his position then and there.
2007-08-29 10:44:19 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to step up to the plate. He does not need to send her to you to make a decision if the decision you will be making will affect what he would have done. He can easily state I will discuss this with your mother and we will decide. If he sends her to you for your decision, he has no right to object. I would tell him he has no room for his opinion if he is wanting you to make the decisions. If he wants to be involved he can be involved by telling her you and your husband will discuss it and get back with her. Then it will be a decision you both agree on. GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-08-29 10:32:59 · answer #7 · answered by D TRAIN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up. You are not a mind reader. If he wants to be involved with the decisions that are being made about yours and his child, than he needs to stop shifting the decision making to souly you and add his input. If he objected to her getting her ears pierced than he should have opened his mouth and said something.
2007-08-29 10:31:48 · answer #8 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to back off, or make him make all the decisions. If he won't give her direct answers, then sure she's going to come to you. If he doesn't want her to get something, he should sit down and talk it over with you, and maybe even have your daughter sit with you guys to discuss. Your husband does sound like he's belittling you, to make himself feel bigger. Don't allow it, tell him about it.
2007-09-05 13:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by Jaydensmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sort it out, if that jack a$$ can't make the decisions then you do the best that you can and don't worry about what he has to say after the fact! He is being a bully and who needs a bully in their life?!
2007-08-29 10:53:52 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋