Why are men so lazy when it comes to the household? & how can you make it even?

Question

Especially when both are working. I work all day, come home, cook, do the dishes, I do the laundry, clean the bathroom, vaccume, etc... There are times when he tries to help out, but for example, if he helps with laundry, it gets washed and put in the dryer, but in the dryer it stays to get wrinkled until I discover it there. I enjoy cooking so I really don't mind that. My fiance's main chore is taking out the trash once a week (to which he forgot this morning) He works nights so he is home all day, and I realize he has to sleep too, but he doesn't sleep from the time he gets home until he goes to work again... are all men lazy? And how can I encourage him to help out more and have a little pride in our house without sounding like I am picking on him????

Answer 1

It all goes back to his parents. Did he see his father being lazy? This is usually where it stems from. I was with a guy whos father was a workaholic, even around the house so he was too. I have also seen a lazy man, and his father was lazy also. I believe they do what they see their father do, and base there home life on that.

Answer 2

i think societal roles play a large role in this. men think that their domain is the yard work and trash, while women should maintain the home. realize that you can't control anyone but yourself. so, if you talk to him and don't see a change in his behavior then try to find a solution that you can control.

you both work, perhaps a cleaning service would be feasible with your budget. if not, talk to him again, and tell him that you understand he doesn't want to clean and you don't either. so, both of you can give up $25 a week (for a total of $50 per wk) to have someone come in and clean for you. this will eliminate the stress from both of you and remove the resentment before it builds any further.

realize that your ultimate goal isn't to force him to clean, it is to get the housework done without the brunt of the work being on your shoulders. you can accomplish this without trying to convince or beg him. don't let this evolve into a fight or stress your relationship.

use this as an example for resolving these and other issues once you are married. realize what the issue REALLY is (a dirty house and undone chores) and figure out how to resolve that to your satisfaction, since you can only control yourself.

Answer 3

No dear, they are not all like that. Truth be told he may not be lazy either! My husband and I have worked things out the best way for us. I ENJOY cooking and doing the dishes, and I have a particular way I like the bathroom to be cleaned. So those are the things I do all the time. We both do laundry, I sort it, he puts it in the washer, then the dryer. I take it out, fold it and iron what needs to be ironed. We both put it away. He takes care of the kitty litter (EWWW) and we both do the general clean up like sweeping and vacuuming around the house. If he forgets the trash, tie it up when it needs to go out. He will get it done. My guy is not big on dusting, UNTIL he moves something that has not been moved for a while and he sees the RING around where it was. There are other issues bigger that loom in a marraige. This does not have to be one of them, a little chat here and there and you will have it worked out.

Answer 4

No, not all men are lazy. Some guys are just procrastinators and need a little pushing now and then. Try telling him that you need to share the responsibilities of the household, tell him that you two are equals and that you married each other to be equals still. If you have to sound like you are picking on him to get him to do stuff around the house don't feel bad. He's your husband he needs to realize that you are both working so it's not like you are just sitting around the house not doing anything, so you both need to take care of things around the house. Also, when he does something around the house tell him thank you for doing it, because that thank you could lead to him doing more around the house because he knows you appreciate what he did.

Answer 5

Give him a job list that is pasted to the door he leaves from.

Make it a calendar and list the jobs each day you want him to get done.

My man isn't lazy, he works, I don't and he still helps out around here; more so during the summer when I have the kids all day. But he still does the garbage, irons his own shirts, yard care and helps with home and baths at night. We are a team.

Maybe if you were married he would feel like a team player. Then again, maybe you shouldn't marry him and just move out. If he has to do it all by himself, then maybe he will be more appreciative and do his part.

Answer 6

I don't know if he's lazy, or if he's just clutter-blind. Most guys just don't see chores as being as important as they are to women. If there's clean dishes in the cupboard, then the dirty ones in the sink will keep, right?

Try making a list for him while you're at work. Ask him to do 5-6 basic things, and give him a hug and a kiss when you get home if they're done. You'll get better results with a reward, than you will by getting on his case.

Answer 7

if anybody can relate here, it's me. and honestly there isn't anything you can do other than threaten him or tell him to do things instead of asking. i wouldn't use sex as a weapon because it doesn't always work and you'll most likely end up feeling unfulfilled anyways. this issue has been a big deal recently in my house. we both work full time, and have a 15 month old. i do EVERYTHING. and it effing sucks. when i mention to him that it's a bummer spending 30-45 minutes a day doing the dishes his response is "then don't do it". men have no sense of home pride at all. they'll take pride in their cars, their jobs, their accomplishments, anything that has to do solely with them. my mate tried to say once that he "didn't know how to clean". i called b.s. on that one right away and embarrassed him in front of his mother when i told her he said she never taught him how to clean.
basically what i have to do at my house is tell him to do things, not ask or wait for him to do it. i say, "hey, you wanna take the recyclebles out." i phrase it as a question, but the way i say it is not in question form. sometimes i'll be juggling feeding the baby and cleaning the kitchen and what not and i'll see my fiance going into the other room to play the drums or something and he's now trained to stop, turn around and say "nothing" when i ask him what he's doing. when i ask him what's he's doing he knows i mean, "hey slacker, i need your help so get your butt over here and be useful." it's still a struggle sometimes when i see him sitting on the couch sipping coffee in the morning while i'm mad dashing to get myself and the baby ready and make sure i have my things together for work and for her babysitter. sometimes i want to kick him in the balls and tell him that he wants another kid, he's going to have to learn how to man up and take on some responsibility. trust me girl, you aren't the only one. if you haven't already, try telling him what a load of crap it is that he only half a*s helps you and that deserve more help and respect and that he can at least clean up after himself and do his own laundry and what not. one thing i did was i quit doing his laundry and any time he left a pair of shoes by the door when he came in (which he's notorious for and has more shoes than any man on earth), i would take them and hide them from him. i told him if he can't respect his own belongings and respect me then maybe he shouldn't have either. i recommend a good old fashioned a*s kicking. good luck!

Answer 8

gurl i kno what your going through my boyfreind is the same way!! i think it has to do with the way that there mothers raised them... like my mans mom did everything for him and his brother so now thats what he expects me to do! i tried to stop doin things around the house(especailly since he is currently unemployed and sit playing his 360 all day!) and do you kno what good it did? NONE! instead of him appreciating what all i do he complained about how much he had to do around the house!! i wanted to kill him! and then when i actually did clean the house "that he had been cleaning so well"(hahaha) it was disgusting!! there was dust everywhere, the toilet was disgusting(i mean like really disgusting), stuff was just shoved everywhere, i could go on and on... my point is men cant clean(atleast not detail clean, which has to be done!!) so unless you want your house to be filthy you better do it yourself! *oh yea i just gotta add this cuz its hilarious: ok the one chore i have given him is trash, and apparently his idea of "taking the trash out" iws taking it out of the trash can and putting it by the front door!!! grrrrrrrr!!!* so anyways iv been trying to change his cleaning habits for over 3yrs. and it hasnt worked... my advice is to either bite down and deal with it... or find a new man who will help out with the chores!! neways good luck!! <3

Answer 9

Master Richard - Not only does my husband nag me about the state of the house, he sits there in the middle of the mess until I get home from work, when he gives me a kiss and cuddle, a short nag, and then dinner from the freezer or fridge. nags me while i eat it, reminds me of the list of 'extra jobs' i have to do for him - make appointments, pay bills, etc the next day before i go to MY JOB, we have three kids I get to see for 1/2 an hour before school, and he expects me to be on top of all their stuff too... I could go on but I just shoulder the burden and press on, slowly getting shorter every day.
Yes he does work too. We both work at least an 38.5 hour week.

Answer 10

Their mother made them that way. Mom most likely always cooked, cleaned, picked up after her baby and did all his laundry. So now he grows up, wants a wife who is hot in bed, but a maid also even though she works too. It is unfair, but to change a man who is accustomed to this is difficult. Best thing to do is to hire a cleaning woman. This is one of the things girls should look out for in a guy before they marry him. Most girls make the mistake of thinking once married they can change their man, wrong as you can see.