i cheated on my wife and ahe cheated back what do i do?

Question

it all started with i got with her why she was pregnant with a nother mans child and i married her and took that child in as one of my own, i got deployed to iraq and durin that time frame we argued all the time and we ended up seperating i got back oct of 06 and she did not want to come back to my base or be with me at all and she wanted a divorce well in the time we were apart i slept with 2 women and i regret it to this day and we got back together in mar 07 5 months later i stoped messin with the women 2 monts prior to that well she found out what i did and never forgiven me for it it is now aug i got deployed again and i am overseas and a week with me bein over here she slept with a nother man for revenge i guess but now im stuck we now have 2 kids together my mind tells me to leave her but my heart tells me 2 try and work it out what should i do

Answer 1

Spam posting your question is obnoxious!

Answer 2

The bottom line of your troubles is of course cheating, but what is really wrong is that you both sound young and lack skills on ways to resolve conflict. If you both were years older you both would have known the devastation cheating can create. So now, on top of all your other problems you both have the feelings of betrayal and loss of trust that cheating brings into a relationship. The love is there, but the knowledge on how to work to keep it is not. I would say you both would benefit greatly from obtaining help by attending some type of marriage counselling as a way to put your marriage back on the right track. Just remember, to resolve conflict is not to win an argument over your partner or to get even, it is to come to a compromise. Focus on the marriage, not the arguments and never bring in another person as a way to find solice or refinge. I do feel your marriage with a lot of hard work and determination has a chance to be saved. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

How disheartening to know the person you love is giving all their love and time and devotion to someone else.

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Answer 4

Alex why did you marry her in the first place knowing that she is already pregnant with another man? I must surmise that you love her enough to marry her and consider the child your own, right?

Now, what was all the argument about? Was it because of plain differences of opinion or because of other matters that have deeper reason(s).

Both of you have committed grave error in not resolving your conflict the soonest possible time.

By the way, how did you get to know that she slept with another man to get even with you? Did she tell about this or you learned it from someone. If from someone, do you have proof that she actually did or it was just the imagination of dirty minds trying to separate the two of you?

Anyway, if you are really serious in saving your relationship, you must be willing to sacrifice. Are you willing to do that? If your answer is yes then this is what I can suggest.

Talk to her and tell her you want to save your relationship. Tell her you love her and that it was wrong of you to succumb to temptation. Tell her you are sorry and that you will not do it again (mean it ... do it). Tell her also that you have already forgiven her for the things she did (sleegping with another man) and that you are willing to forget about it (also do it no matter how hard it is). Tell her as well that you would like to start afresh with her never mentioning things of the past. Then shower her with your love and attention. Even if she does not respond back, resolve to do just the same whatever you have earlier pronounced to her.

Then pray unceasingly for God to grant you grace and strength.

God bless the both of you.

Answer 5

Really, you both were in the wrong, BUT at least you're admitting it was wrong on your part, most men out there think that just be/c they did it, that's it's ok to keep doing it. Like the mother's say "2 wrong's don't make a right", your wife shouldn't have done that for revenge either.

What I think you should do is, take some time away from your wife to think, & ask yourself "do you really want to be with her for the rest of your life" If you do, make sure it's what you really want to do...do you love her or are you infatuated with her, then make an appointment to see a marriage counsler & you 2 should talk about everything & anything that you guys wanna express to each other. If you don't, don't feel like you're obilgated to stay with her...that's not right for the both of you to be misserable w/each other...especially you, since you're the one wondering what you should do with your life.

Remember we all make mistakes that we regret & have to live w/for the rest of our lives, BUT we are our own person who made those choices & deside what to do with those choices for our future!!!

Answer 6

i would say that 2 wrongs doesn't make it right, but 3!? you can still be a good father, but honestly, cheating after cheating...the cycle might never stop. i know you have to think about your kids, but at the same time do you really want your kids to live in that kind of environment? me i would take my chances and settle for divorce. i'm not just saying this either. i've been married for 4 years now, we had a few bumps along the way, but nothnig this major. if the only reason you can forgive her is beacuse you too cheated, then buddy...its time to move on. at least you'll have the time by your side to being young and all. good luck!

p.s love your kids and be their father.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are both young and sexually active, nt only that you also have strong expectations of fidelity from each other.
That is somehow , at this point , the root of the problem

Can you just say "now everything is even so lets start from here?"

It seems that no one is too happy now. Time will be the judge of whether your relationship will still stand .

At the worst case scenario, she will continue to be unfaithful.
At the best, she worked it out or never even was unfaithful.
That she only said she was unfaithful to mess your mind and get her revenge.
Women are vengeful spirits when it comes to men playing around as we stay home and look after their children.

Answer 8

This is hopeless. You did so wrong by marrying someone that was carrying another man's baby and you continued to invest in her--- that is so fricking weak!!!!! This is hopeless because cheating occurred on both sides. People grow into love when there's MUTUALITY and BASIC respect for each other. LOve is a series of ACTIONS with care taking, nurturing, affection, TRUST, just to name a few, as key elements.

Answer 9

You poor guy you have so much on your mind...Slow down take in one day at a time....For now no point on changing much at home till are government quits deploying you. When you get to come home for good your heart will tell you if she is the one for you. Just write nice letters and tell her to support you during your deployment

Answer 10

It sounds like you are playing games with each other. I think both of you are too immature to be in a relationship. You don't cheat on someone you love and you certainly don't cheat-as revenge, to get back at someone else for cheating. You both need to GROW UP. I feel sorry for your kids.

Answer 11

Two wrongs don't make a right, but that is up to you if you can forgive her. I mean you were with other women when you two both thought it was over. She did it while you two were back together. Not that what you did wasn't wrong. You both were wrong and its up to the two of you if you want to work it out.