How can you get your wife to let you go drink with your buddys?

Question

I really need more guy time. How can I get my wife to let me go out with friends, to a bar or whatever? We always go together. But, I'd like to leave her home with the kids and go out drinking once in awhile. She freaks every time I bring it up. Oh-I married into kids, so I figure, that once a month or something I should be able to. I mean-guys do that to their wives when they are their own kids, right? Geez. Only once in awhile, not every other day. But how? Also-Lately I've been telling her I'm running errands or whatever just to get in a game of pool once a week...it's really sad.

Answer 1

this advice is kind of manipulative, but it works for me in relationships. You need to make her think she needs you way more than you need her, but you may have already screwed this up by bending to her will in the relationship already.
There might be a nicer way of doing this, but this is how i have always been in relationships, so i can do whatever i want.

Answer 2

The way to have a friend is to be a friend, right? So maybe you should start by offering to "take the kids" every other Friday so that she that can spend time with her girlfriends, her parents, whatever.

Second, I suspect that there are things your letter doesn't mention. Does you wife have reason to expect that a "boys night" will involve more than simply tossing back a few brews? Why should she trust you? Admittedly, you not only lie to her about your whereabouts, but feel righteous in doing so. Do you get drunk? Do you gamble?

Perhaps some compromise can be reached, such as having your mates over to play cards every second Saturday or something.

In my own neighborhood, there is a "Suds & Duds" laundromat & pub. On weekends, it is full of young fathers doing the laundy and minding the kids while simultaneously watching the game and drinking some beers. I think "Suds & Duds" may have saved several marriages, LOL.

Answer 3

Explain your position. It shouldn't be a problem going out with your friends. It sounds like she has some insecurity issues with you and the relationship. Work on the trust in the relationship and communicate. Give her no reason to doubt your fidelity. Make sure you take time for just the two of you as well. Away from the kids and friends. You are failing in the trust department, by lying about the errands. Don't lie, Ever. Fight about the truth if you have to but don't lie. Never leave an argument in the air.

Answer 4

I've read a few of you questions on here and this is the first time that I have anwsered. You seem kind of selfish to me (no offense) Your wife needs to have her emotional needs met once you do so she will be more apt to let you go hang out with your friends. She has every right to be concerned this is how adultry occurs when a guy (in all innocense) goes to a bar in an unstable relationship and meets someone who seems so understanding. I have two bits of advice for you... Have a guy night at home playing poker and send her out with the kids to a movie...Get the books love and respect and cracking the communication code both by Emmerson Eggrich or buy the cd's online at loveandrespect.com. If she is happy and secure in your relationship she will be more oblideging to let you do your thing.

Answer 5

The best way is to give her time off as well. Tell her you are taking the kids and to go have a ladies night. Explain to her that you love to be around her and the kids, but sometimes you would like to have "me" time with your friends to do nothing other than have a few drinks and play pool. You would also like to give her the same opportunity to get away as well. The thing it boils down to is trust. It is not that she does not trust you, it is all the women who will be around that she does not trust. Woman can be very territorial, so keep this in mind when approaching her. There may be other underlying issues here in your relationship which has made her a little insecure. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 6

There shouldn't be a problem if you only want to go out once in a while. Everyone needs space and "me time". Maybe you could suggest that she also goes out every once in a while with some female friends. Why does she freak? Is she jealous? Is she fed up with taking care of the kids all the time?

Whatever her problem is you have to reassure her that you don't want to meet other women, you just want to hang out with your mates for a while. And promise not to be out all night, set a curfew for yourself (I know this sounds daft but she may feel better if she knows you're going to be back at a set time) and promise that on another night you'll look after the kids while she goes out.

Anyway, good luck!

Answer 7

Going drinking with buddies, pool, these no longer exist when you are married with kids.
Is she being protective? Perhaps she knows you can't handle yourself when you drink.
How about a game of pool at home with her and the kids sometimes? When she sees how good you are, she will let you play with your friends. How much time do you spend with her and the kids doing fun things anyway? Would you give her more girl time to hang out with her friends, without the kids if she asked for it? You would be worried if she had that.

Answer 8

I used to be the same way. Trust me, her reaction is out of FEAR (which can mean control, indirectly, as she tries to gain control of the situation to minimize her fear). She is only trying to control the situation and her fear, not you as a person. She's not thinking to herself, "my man is going to do as I say, he's not allowed to socialize". She's afraid, probably of some kind of abandonment or that you will cheat (they are not the same thing). I used to be terrified, almost having anxiety attacks, getting dizzy, etc., when my husband went out, but I never though he was going to cheat. I know it sounds weird, but it's true. Talk to her, calmly. Find out exactly why she doesn't want you to go. When she says it's just because, she's probably embarrased to tell you the real reason. Maybe she just feels lonely, unwanted, or rejected. Maybe (but hopefully not) she has trust issues. I'm not saying she's right, but you can't effectively address her problem with it until you know exactly what the problem is. And when you do convince her that whatever her fear is, she doesn't need to be worried, start small. Just go for a game or two of pool and come back or call her. Then try going to watch Monday night football and have some drinks (but don't pull the 3 a.m. stuff yet). Work your way up until you are happy (or at least content with the compromises your getting). Trust me, she doesn't like feeling that way. There is something she has experienced in her past that has made her afraid of that situation. Telling her that you will leave if she doesn't let you will only make her more clingy, as will sneaking out to play pool. I'm not saying you don't have the right to do those things, but, as a husband, you need to deal with her fairly and morally (no lying and sneaking, it only makes it worse). If you love her, help her get to the bottom of her fears and SOLVE them instead of just telling her, "this is how it's gonna be". That will only fuel her anxiety and make her more upset. If you love her, you won't want that. Trust me, if you follow this advice (don't tell her she's stupid when she explains her fears to you or mock her, she'll just close up and the cycle will continue or snowball), you will BOTH get more of what you want: she'll feel less emotional turmoil, and you'll get to go out.

Answer 9

Hey bro chill. I can understand what exactly ur going thru.
Every human has a right to enjoy alone once a while no matter he is married or single.
Did u ever try to ask ur wife where she wanna go what she wanna do instead of telling her things which u want.
Try to share each other's feelings. Ask more questions and try to explain in a simple and a lovely manner. She will understand. Before u do that make sure u have done ur job as husband and also as a father.
Their is no harm in sharing ur feelings to each other.
Listen
Understand
Then react .
Good Luck

Answer 10

You need to tell her that you need some time away from the house. She should understand that. Be firm, and say that it's healthy for you, for her, for the kids, and for the marriage if you have some time to spend with the guys. Also, maybe find some opportunities where she can go out without you and the kids, and have a girls night, while you have a guys night. Keep it fair in that sense, but it's definitely a good idea for couples to have some time away from each other.

Answer 11

Once a month is really not too much to ask. It sounds like she had a bad experience before...maybe the first one was out all of the time and left her with the kids. How about a trade off. You get one night a month out with the guys to shoot pool or whatever and she gets one night or day out to go out with the girls or go shopping, get her nails done or whatever she likes to do.