I have been married for about 10 years, and my husband was my first. But over the years, the desire to love him has diminished. I am not attracted to him, I find him, at times, repugnant. I love him, he is a wonderful father and a wonderful person. I told him how I felt, and he insist that we work on our marriage, I cheated and he forgave me. I do not want to be with him and i do not want to continue abusing him. How can I make him understand that he deserves better?
2007-08-29 01:16:07 · 28 answers · asked by loveanonymity 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't love him. You are making no sense. You might as well have started out "I am tall, but I am short". When people make no sense, they have no integrity, and somebody needs to call you to the mat on this one, and I don't mind doing it.
You don't respect your husband, and respect is what makes two people compatible. Cheating is one of the most severely disrespectful things you can do to somebody who you are in a romantic relationship with. Without respect, you don't have mature romantic love.
So this claim that you love him is total nonsense.
2007-08-29 01:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I’m sorry to hear that you feel that your 10 year marriage should come to an end. You can still love him and not be in love with him. Have you ever thought about trying different things to get the spark back? Right now it seems as though you love him because he’s the father of your child(ren). He may be in denial over what you’ve told him because after all it’s been 10 years. Instead of cheating on him and admitting to it you should just tell him that you’re leaving and leave. The best way to make him understand that it’s over and you no longer have the desire to be with him is by leaving. Don’t ask him to leave, you leave and let him know that it has nothing to do with him that it’s you and the decision you’ve made. Tell him that you don’t want a marriage based on you cheating and him forgiving you just want your freedom to move on with your life. Then talk to family and friends that can offer up emotional support to the both of you at this time. Keep in mind the person that you may be seeing isn’t going to have a fair opinion therefore talking to him or her isn’t your best option. However you need to leave and leave as soon as you possibly can. I wish you the very best with your situation.
2007-08-29 01:38:07 · answer #2 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love him but aren't IN love with him - there is no such thing. Love is an action, not a feeling - it means putting the other person and their needs ahead of your own. You have to decide to love him.
Try getting some therapy. The reason you are feeling the way you are and doing what you are doing is being caused by some root issue. Getting out of the relationship won't solve anything. You'll go the next guy and the same thing will happen because you never got to the root of the problem.
It is a shame he is so decent, forgiving and wonderful and you don't appreciate him. Why is that????
2007-08-29 01:50:13 · answer #3 · answered by RLW 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cannot make him understand. He loves you unconditionally. You, on the other hand, never really respected him. You might have thought that you did, but if you had you never would have cheated.
The only thing that you can do is to file for divorce. That is the only way that he will understand that you cannot stay with him. That is also the only way for you to stop abusing him.
It is good that you are at least thinking about stopping the hurt that you are causing him. Because even if he does not say it or truly face it he feels it and so does your child or children.
Take care,
Troy
2007-08-29 01:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you have to look at it this way, what made u get with hi in the first place and try and get that back but u can never quit ur marriage and never give up it is wrong to get a divorce u have to do whats best fo ur kids and not u cause not alot of guys out there will take a woman back and take care of the kids u may thank a divorce is good but in the long run it will be more problems so try and make it work and get that back whatever u got with him to begin with
2007-08-29 02:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by Alexander H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do him a favor and divorce him...I can't believe that you can be with a man that you supposedly were in love with, and now you have no desire for him....especially when he has done nothing to deserve this from you. You cheated on him and he forgave you! Not many men would do that! Seriously, if you think the grass is greener somewhere else....then leave him.
2007-08-29 01:23:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way . only we have been together almost 8 years . I think I stay because it is in the normal. I know that i should get out and so should you . I say file for a divorce so you don't hurt him any more than you have. Good luck and don't let no one tell you that you are a bad person .
2007-08-29 02:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by CYNTHIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just sounds like you need to rekindle love and passion that you once shared. It's hard to do this for sure but he sounds like a worthy man. You said it yourself that he is wonderful. He also forgave you for unfaithfulness and wants to work on your marriage. I say that you should try to work on your marriage for sure. 10 years is too many to throw away and if you work through everything and try to find the attraction again...if you find it you will be soooo happy that you did and might actually think back and say to yourself..."thank god I didn't lose him". I totally would NOT divorce. Don't lose this man...he sounds like a good one. If there are things about him that you are not happy about...tell him and work together to become happy. Don't run away when times are hard. Stick with him as he is prepared to do for you. That's what a relationship is. A commitment. He is committed...How about you?
2007-08-29 01:24:40 · answer #8 · answered by Lollypop 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am somewhat in the same predicament. I decided that i was no longer in- love with my partner. I loved him more as a friend. I'm sure this makes sense to you. With the memories of how in-love we were and our daughter, I told him that something needed to change. We both are now making an effort to appreciate each other more. It seems to be working. I think that when we think that we fall out of love, we are just falling out of "like" for the moment. It sounds like you have a great guy that loves you very much, talk it out with him. I'm sure he will do anything possible to keep you! I wish you luck in your marriage, and I would ask you to do the same for me.
2007-08-29 18:19:55 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn_5621 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up. Feelings change over time. Why did you fall in love with him in the first place? You have children with him. Why would you want to punish them because you are being immature and childish. Work on your marriage. It takes work. What does "IN LOVE" mean? Figure it out. You cheated!!! He should have kicked your selfish butt to the curb. What kind of an example are you setting for your children? Believe me they know what is going on.
He does deserve better. Not a little girl that wants instant gratification because she selfish. If you do love him, then fall "IN LOVE" with him again.
2007-08-29 01:54:00 · answer #10 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋