So we got back from our honeymoon today and sadly the photographer hasn't posted our wedding pictures up yet. I remembered that one of the groomsman had his digital camera at the wedding so I went to his Myspace page to see if I could find any of them. Once there, I see a comment from my husbands ex wife. I know that she is friends with this paticular groomsman and have had absolutely no problem with it until now. The comment from her said " i can not thank you enough for passing along the message from the Inlaws. It really means a lot to me,more than you will ever know. I appreciate you listening to your heart and valuing our friendship. " So what the heck am I supposed to think about this? My new inlaws are giving messages to his ex wife on my wedding day and/or vice versa? I have had a great relationship with his family until now, but I am extremely hurt about this whole thing. Do I confront them? What do I do!? Thanks for your help!
2007-08-28 23:16:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes you do need to ask them what the hell is going on, probably in a diplomatic way.
Tell them the message you found on myspace and how it's hurt your feelings considering it was your wedding day.
Best of luck to you.
2007-08-28 23:23:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
Ignore it. The key point here is that the in-laws passed the message along through a third party, which means they didn't want to establish a relationship with the ex. That's a crucial point. Further, you don't know what the message was. It may have been an acknowledgment of a great gift, the ex may have made a complimentary comment about how you and your mate belong together, or something along those lines. If your first instinct is to be suspicious and distrustful, you are in for a rocky first few years. If you can't let this go, the next time you see your in-laws, thank them again for helping you celebrate the wedding, and then ask them if they remember anything memorable about any of the other guests. Maybe the answer will put your mind at ease.
2007-08-29 06:37:16 · answer #2 · answered by plunderer61 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Just let it go...Before you came along your new in-laws had a relationship with your new husband's former wife; and it may have been a good relationship. That is one of the hard things about divorce, there are more relationships than just the husband and wife. The in-laws didn't divorce, your husband did and now they probably feel awkward about contacting the ex-wife and they took an opportunity to send a message through a mutual friend. That doesn't mean that they don't like you or disapprove of you; they most likely love you a whole lot. You really can't tell them who they can and cannot be friends with and they would not deliberately try to hurt you by being friends with the ex.
2007-08-29 08:20:33 · answer #3 · answered by Older Guy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi!
I'm sorry you saw something that upset you and I can surely understand it did!
I agree with what others have said though that it was probably an innocent message that was forwarded to the ex -- maybe they just wanted to say hi to her (and as they see her as someone they no longer consider close, they didn't talk to her directly). If she is your husband's ex, they once socialized with her and I think it makes them great people that they still care a little bit how she's doing now. As you said, you have a great relationship with them so they clearly like YOU much, much better, and they know their son has chosen YOU too.
I think the problem here is that the ex posted this on my space, where anyone can see it. She might have tried to make sound worse than it is on purpose, and she should not have posted such a thing at all! She was probably very upset and emotional that day (seeing an ex getting married is difficult regardless how you feel about them now), and was out of line.
I think you should let this go and enjoy your husband, safe in knowing that both you and your inlaws adore you!
Congratulations on your marriage! I'm happy for you!
2007-08-29 06:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by AnnaB 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I realize you are sensitive at this time. You are newly wed. The truth is you are really curious to know what message your in laws relayed to your husbands ex through the groomsman.
It most probably was an innocent message. I would not make an issue over it. However if it is disturbing you that much, discuss it with you husband. I am sure he will put your mind at ease.
But truthfully I would just let it go. He is YOURS now. That should be enough.
You do say that you always have had a good relationship with them, obviously you would like it to stay that way. Confronting them might put a strain on your relationship.
Congratulations, and good luck
2007-08-29 06:39:03 · answer #5 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Get over it. You have to realize one thing, is that your husband's ex was part of his family's life at one time, and probably has established friendships with the in-laws. Just because he has married you, does not mean your in laws are automatically going to dismiss your husband's ex. For you to expect that, is unreasonable and naive. Also, as long as it does not affect your marriage, any contact or personal relationships that your husband's ex has with the inlaws is none of your business, anyway.
2007-08-29 07:06:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
dont listen to the other posts, you can't ignore this becuase this will probably affect your marriage in the long run, you need to confront them, tell them you found the comment and that it hurts to be having your inlaws send a message to his ex wife, and confront your husband too
seems like on this forum many people have a magical magnet when it comes to thier ex, can't get enough of them
2007-08-29 08:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by 9-pounds-lighter 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Let it go. The chances are the message was something along the lines of.
"Hello" or "Good Luck in your future life without our son" Or something else that has nothing to do with you. I invited my sister's ex husband to my wedding. it had nothing to do with her or her new husband. It had everything to do with my friendship with my ex BIL. My sister and her husband understood that and had no problem with it.
2007-08-29 08:43:32 · answer #8 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
yes you do confront them and let them know how badly this hurt you if they want to stay in touch with the ex they should do it on their time not yours. if you do not confront this it will get bigger and you said you guys had a great relationship so keep it open and honest
2007-08-29 07:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by deb a 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, its obvious the inlaws are still friendly towards her and there is nothing anyone can do about that. You can't control who anyone befriends so I say unless secrect messages are being passed to your hubby from her...LET IT GO!
2007-08-29 08:02:01 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋