I would never want any other women playing the role of mother to my children?

Question

or telling my children what to do. I would also not like them to discuss me in anyway with her, or invite her to my funeral should anything happen to me. i dont know what my ex does I do not want to know about his buisness and I do not want them knowing about mine. I would not want another women buying my children anything or taking them anywhere. I would hate my children to spend time in the pressence of any other women. I think women who try and play the role of stepmothers are terrible people and I think they deserve all they get. what do you think?

Answer 1

I think you are being incredably rude and insensitive.

a) you got divorced and your other decided to get married or in a serious relationship with another women and your going to have to learn how to deal with that.

b) no stepmom is ever going to actually take the place of you. I had step parents and they never took the place of my real parent.

c) some day your going to meet someone and fall back in love and they will have kids and guess what you will be that person you hate so try to be a little more understanding.

d) lighten up on people step parents are wonderful people too, she probably doesnt want to be their mom but wants to be a part of their life because they are a part of a person who she loves life. and it takes a really big person to stand up and help take care of a kid that isnt theirs.

and last but not least it sounds more like you have anger at your ex for being with someone else. SOunds like you still love him, time to move on and stop holding your kids as ransom. obviously its over and you need to learn that and start coping with that for your kids sake

Answer 2

i don't understand your reasoning here.

Surely anyone who is willing to take on the role of mother to another woman's children and care for therm (even though that child is not theirs) is a good person?

(provided of course she does it for selfless reasons and not to "score points" with her partner, or to deliberately try to turn a child against its mother because the mother is her partner's ex - I've seen that happen too and its very wrong to use a child like that)

Being a stepmother can be very hard, some children have great resentment to someone "trying to take the place of their mother" and can be very very hostile to a prospective stepmum.

If anything happened so that I could not be there to care for my darling baby son I would feel releived if he had a kind woman to love him, although I would dearly hope he would not forget who his true mother was!!!

I've seen the unhappiness caused when a stepmother goes the other way and "refuses" to be involved with her partner's children - my other half's parents split up when he was in his early teens and his dad remarried, to a woman who had no children of her own and not a maternal bone in her body. He is devoted to her and through her influence has pretty much cut off all contact with his youngest child (15 years old) and has very limited contact with my partner and his brother. He and his wife haven't even bothered to come down and visit us and meet our son - his grandson - who is 9 months old now! That is so hurtful. Please don't ever wish that on a family.

Answer 3

"I would hate my children to spend time in the pressence of any other women." ? Presumably that includes schoolteachers, judging by your spelling. Does it also include Doctors, Nurses, Dentists, Shop Assistants, your own friends - no wait - you won't have any friends - are you serious ?

My own Mother is very selfish and I often wished I'd been born to another woman. But not you, I'd rather have almost any mother but you. I'm so sorry for your children. Any your husband left you ? I wonder why.

Answer 4

Would you prefer if said harlot beat your children with a large stick? Or perhaps if she starved them? Or abandoned them in a shopping centre? Or sexually abused them? Seriously, there are plenty of worse things that another woman can do to your children than take care of them, and be nice to them.

My ex from several years ago had a son which he occasionally saw (but i never met him) - this is one of the reasons I walked away from him, as I couldn't cope with the idea of looking after my boyfriend's child. It takes someone with far more guts than I have to step into that role and to help shape that child's future for the better.

Most children are able to distinguish between 'mummy' and "the woman who lives with daddy".

I think you need counselling. Your whole attitude should give you a pretty good clue as to why you weren't granted custody. Clearly the courts think you're a danger to yourself, a danger to your ex and his new woman, and above all, a danger to your own children. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Answer 5

My biological mother treated me as a mistake she didn't mean to make from the day I was born. Her last words to me were, "The only thing your Daddy & I ever used was rubbers & that's why you're here." She allowed my stepfather to molest me. She shot my father when I was 11. He lived. My stepmother was the best thing that ever happened to my Dad. She loved him, stayed with him through thick & thin, & was a better mother to me than my biological mother ever even thought about. If anyone deserved the title of Mother, she did. Without her, Dad & I wouldn't have made it through the hell my so called mother put us through. So, I don't think stepmothers are terrible people. My stepmother was a wonderful woman. I felt a terrible sense of loss when she died. I didn't feel anything when my so called mother died. Her treatment of me left me with emotional scars that I am still trying to heal at the age of 53. She scarred me in ways that I will never be able to forget. I've done my best to forgive her, but I can't honestly say that I have. But, I am working on it. You sound as bitter & hateful as she was. I pray that you aren't hurting your children the way she hurt me. They will never be able to forget it if you do. Frankly, I couldn't live with the guilt if I knew I hurt someone as bad as she hurt me. Can you live with the guilt that your bitterness & hate are causing your children? I really pity your children. They are completely innocent, & will suffer the most pain because of your hate. God bless them & you.

Answer 6

Your children are not the problem here. Unfortunately, whether you admit it or not, you are still harboring strong negative emotions toward your ex and you are using your children as an outlet for that emotion.

You say you don't want your kids around ANY other women, but that is not true. You're okay with them being around teachers, their friends' moms, etc. These people don't try to become their mom, do they? And I'm sure they tell them to do things - "James, you need to work on your math assignment" or "Jenny, please go wash your hands before we eat". Friends' moms will take them places, and may even buy them small gifts from time to time. That is all fine, is it not? The ONLY way a stepmother is different is that she happens to be involved with your ex. THAT is YOUR problem.

It will take time to get past this, for sure. But in the meantime, PLEASE don't take it out on your poor, innocent children! Imagine their confusion if in a few years their dad remarried, only to have you sabotage their relationship with him and this new person in their lives. Because no matter how you feel, she WILL be in their lives, and has every right to do so.

Try to think of this problem in reverse. How would you feel if, in five years, you remarried a man with children, and their mother felt like this about you? Wouldn't that be horrible, and completely unjustified? It's not like you'd steal her kids from her! It's not as if you stole her man, she'd already divorced him! Right? So what is she so upset about? Did she expect him to remain celibate for the rest of his life? That is silly.

Now turn that whole paragraph around and look at yourself in the role of the mother/ex-wife. Do you really want yourself to be that person?

It is difficult, but you have to be an adult and deal with this situation. Since you had children with him, you two will always be connected because of them. You owe it to your kids to be civil to him and to a potential new stepmother. If you are snarky and put them down in front of your children, you will not be getting back at your ex, you will be severely damaging your kids' psyche. You will be the one who looks immature and trashy, not her.

You don't have to like your ex and his new woman. You can feel however you want. But keep those feelings to yourself, and treat your ex and his future mate with respect and civility, for your kids' sake.

Answer 7

What a selfish attitude, surely it is better to have three or four loving parents rather than just one and when you get a partner would you not expect your children to look up to him as an additional father figure. Sure she will never be their mother but she could be a valued friend to confide in when they cannot turn to either of their parents, I have a step father because my real father left when I was little and I value him more than my own father, he is far from a bad person, infact he's done more for me than my real father who I wouldnt know if I fell over. Stop being so immature and bitter, put your feelings a side and think of your children.

Answer 8

Get a grip, chick. This is NOT about you, everyone has the right to be with someone, and the kids will adjust. Thats the kind of thinking seen when a woman wants to make an excuse to steal the kids because she doen't want to share them.

Answer 9

Stepmothers can be good people. You seem to be really bitter, possesive and depressed. You should seek some help.
If your kids are being treated well by another person in their father's life, and you go on and on and make them feel bad, you will be hurting THEM and yourself in the long run.
They arent being the MOTHER, they are being a HUMAN BEING to them.
You need to reel it in, woman. The Divorce you signed up for, is reality. Step parents are reality. You should count your blessings that any woman would want to treat your kids with kindness and respect.
you are a spoiled, unreasonable person.

Answer 10

why are you so insecure??? surely the happiness of your children should be on top of your list. For a child to lose a parent is hard enough, but to feel guilty about loving some one else is terrible. You as a mother will never be replaced or forgotten theres no love like a mothers love, make you kids be confident through life dont pass your insecurities on to them and make them as unhappy as you are. Enjoy life while you are here...