I don't think I'm in love with my wife anymore. Just lately everything she does and more importantly lots of things she doesn't do really annoy me. She's the type of person that doesn't really put too much effort into doing things if she doesn't think it's worth while. She's a self proclaimed procrastinator, and only seems to show enthusiasm about her work as a travel agent.
I've tried talking to her but that never works. She just thinks I should lower my expectations and accept her for who she is. It is as if she doesn't want to see things from anyone elses point of view other than her own.
And before anyone thinks I'm being too hard on her, most of her friends and family thinks pretty much the same thing - that sometimes she's lazy!
I know I love her, but I don't feel 'in love' with her anymore...what do I do?
2007-08-28 18:35:51 · 24 answers · asked by Discostu 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not about housework, even though she doesn't do much of that either. And I do help out around the house. I do the vast majority of the cooking, look after our two dogs, equal share of washing and ironing etc.
She is in the habit of leaving things lying around for weeks on end. For examply we got back from a holiday and for two weeks she didn't fully unpack her suitcase, she put it in the wardrobe (closet for you americans) and left it there - it was still half full of clothes and shoes!
When I question her she launches into a tirade shouting 'get over it', 'If it doesn't bother me why should it bother you?' etc.
2007-08-28 18:51:50 · update #1
Think you are resentful that she won't take you seriously about this; not that you don't love her. Have you told her that life is more than work and you want to enjoy doing things and sharing adventures of life with her? You may need to be blunt and tell her that this is building a wedge between the two of you; that you need more. When she shrugs it off, ask her if she'd rather you find someone else to do these things with? I'm not being smart-a**ed; just realistic. If she doesn't join in on life with you, there is always someone else out there willing to do so. Is this what she wants?
2007-08-28 18:44:47 · answer #1 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough call. One thing that you may need to look at is that she may have problems with the relationship too. Rarely is one person gleefully happy while the other is checking out. Her procrastination may be an attempt to drive you away especially if she knows how much it bothers you. You could try counseling but that will require both of you to admit that there is work to do and then do it. It either or neither or you want to go that route, you have a very difficult decision to make. I dont know how long you have been married but that should play into the decision too. Can you tell us?
2007-08-29 01:41:16 · answer #2 · answered by superfun124 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing for the two of you is to separate for awhile before you really start to hate her. Move in with a friend or your mom someone.If you want the love back this is the only way to do it,the longer you are around her the bigger the problems will get. Me and my husband separated and when we got back together he couldn't keep his hands off me,that was 10 years ago and we are still in love and we do everything together and the best part is we can talk to each other like before we were married.
2007-08-29 02:48:17 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is just one.
And communication is all, if the problems seems to be just drowning but somehow she doesn't want to realize that... well, then be selfish, there's only one life THIS ONE and unless you start acting as her in her own little world, and just keep the things as they are.
A friend told me that the person that notices all of this is the one that has given more... so for that and for the best, talk to her about your feelings and if that doesn't change not a bit... well better have a happy divorce than a sad life.
I've been divorce once, and actually don't regret it, cause as you I wasn't happy anymore and he wasn't going to change for me, which is good I let myself have another chance to be happy.
Just remember, happy is not to be marry or to be single is in you... but if the relationship isn't working why you should stay like that?...
Good luck and take care your heart.
2007-08-29 01:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by Dragonheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to figure out if you're just bored with her at the moment or if you truly are no longer in love with her. There's a big difference. When you are around someone too much everything they do that annoys you over-shadows the things you love about them, the reason you married them, ect. If you really don't love her anymore, you have to tell her for your sake and hers.
2007-08-29 01:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by summer_b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lack of commication...talk that's the solution. I think that often times we change after marriage in order to accomdate change, and the other feelings. At some point they realiaze it and the slowly begin to realize the doubt in the realtionship. Talking will help you commicate, 'this is what I don't feel comfortable with.' 'would you mind not doing that' Do it in a respect way, not like some list of "flaws" Try going out, spending itme alone.
2007-08-29 01:41:46 · answer #6 · answered by mk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is Hard. We take it for better or worse, etc.. Sounds like she is very selfish. Have you 2 tried marriage counseling? You may want to get some counseling just for yourself first so that you can sort out your feelings and find out if you are or are not "in love" with her. Because if not you may want to go your separate ways--life is just way too short to live it being miserable esp. when you dont have to be. Wishing the best to you!
2007-08-29 01:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by MeMeCindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Sit down with her one on one and have a heart-to-heart about how you feel and get her take on how she feels too. Once all the cards are on the table then everyone can make an educated decision about the future of your relationship...best of luck...
2007-08-29 01:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by createaclick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and meet her half way like on housework tell her youll clean the upstairs she cleans the downstairs and then go out for ice cream afterwards. Spend some time away from home with her.
2007-08-29 01:41:06 · answer #9 · answered by charlie2182 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she doesn't put much effort into the relationship.... tell her that you shouldn't have to lower your expectations just because she is lazy.... tell her that if your marriage isn't worth the effort then maybe you shouldn't be married anymore....maybe that will get a rise out of her.
2007-08-29 01:44:45 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥♥MiSSY♥♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋