Second thoughts about getting married?

Question

So I have a friend who wanted my advice, my friend is having second thoughts about getting married (my friend has been engaged for about a year and the wedding is planned for 2008, but lately my friend is having seconds thoughts and I think it might be because there’s someone else). If there is someone else should my friend go through with the marriage (I don’t think that someone else is available so it’s not like my friend can break off the engagement for that other person). Thanks for any help?

Answer 1

Whether the other person is free or not .it is not fair to the person he is marrying, to marry them if he wants to be with someone else.I know long but Love is all that counts in marriage if you don't have that you don't have anything except a partnership with someone you could be happy without.

Answer 2

If an individual is having second thoughts about getting married, regardless of whether the person they are interested in is free or not-
they definitely should NOT be getting married-
at all.

Easier and a lot more courageous
to just walk away now-
rather than at the altar-
or years later, after the marriage,
when there are kids, mortgages,
and bills involved.

Answer 3

Find out. If there is another person, I know someone who did just that.. they got married, he was involved with a married woman, the marriage lasted for 3 weeks... yup, 3 weeks. Tell him to break it off now, if he can`t he needs to cancel the wedding before he breaks his fiancee`s heart after the wedding. Girls dream of the perfect wedding, happily ever after and all that stuff. Don`t let him take that away from her.

Answer 4

If he can't look his wife in the eye on their wedding day and say truthfully that she is the one and only person he wants to be with for as long as they both shall live, I don't think that bodes well for the marriage. Even if he couldn't be with that other person, I think it would affect his marriage if he has strong feelings for her and wishes he could be with her instead. He'd be doing neither of them a favour if he marries her for lack of an obvious satisfying alternative. It's hard to make a marriage work, and even harder when your heart isn't in it: been there, done that, got the divorce. I wish I could go back in time and call the engagement off and save my ex and myself a lot of misery.

Answer 5

If he is having second thoughts and the marriage is that far off then he should probably call it off.... even if there is someone else but he can't have her the fact that he is even interested in someone else is reason enough.... why go into a marriage with those kinds of doubts.... it can only end badly.

Answer 6

Truthfully, it is not a good sign if he is showing interest in another woman; even if she is not available. If he loved his fiance' in the way a man should love someone they want to be with the rest of their life, this wouldn't even be an issue. Think he needs to sort things out before he jumps into marriage. Sounds as if he has some time to do so. Is this other woman 'the one that got away'?

Answer 7

Well, maybe it sounds "girly" but the first you should ask to your friend is: if the feeling of his bride to be is not the same, has something change? was there a problem that is getting unsolved and if that's the reason for him to have second thoughts....

Also, to check who your friend is talking lately, sometimes other people that didn't have a good experience in marriage share their "problems" with everybody else as if everybody is gonna have the same thing...

The best advice I could tell you, if I was that friend of somebody in that trouble is... listen, and let them be responsable if yes or no, always try to talk directly groom to be and bride to be together and solve or ask whatever they need to, but also with the confidenciality that a relationship should have, sometimes we as friends we are better as listeners than advisers, but good luck and be with him as a friend.

Answer 8

Ask your friend how they would feel if the unavailble person suddenly became available.

I have the exact opposite issue. I finally asked my husband for a divorce after wanting one for 4 years. During this time I was deeply attracted to someone else. I never cheated but thought about this other man daily... sometimes...hourly.

Anyway, now that I am finally free to express myself - guess what - he is getting married.

Answer 9

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ATTENTION HERE!!!! What you just described was my dilema. I was dating a girl for approximately 3 years. We were engaged to be married. During our engagement she began to change and I began to loose feelings for her. She became a *****, she was constantly moody, tired, and demanding. 9 months before our wedding, I met a girl(current Wife). When I met this girl, I realized one thing, life is too short to be miserable to end up with someone you are having second thoughts about. I realized that people should not settle for less and I decided to call off the marriage!!!! It was the best thing I ever Did.... I DUMPED THAT *****. And believe it or no, I am now married to that girl that I met during my engagement with the *****. I have been married for 4 years now, two kids, and have two kids.... And man do I enjoy my life. Thank god I decided to not marry the other girl. So to answer your question... I suggest you encourage your friend to end the engagement so he can explore his options... you never know, he might end up with me and meeting the right person and not end up with someone who is not willing to satisfy you.

Answer 10

if the person is having seconds thoughs about going through
withhe marriage then she need to be honest, but if there
is someone else, and they are not available then time to
move on with both persons, and why would you want to
marriage the person if you truly dont want them. sound kind
of selfish. and that not good. because you cant have one
you going to hurt the other, shame on the person in question.