Is it just pregnancy hormones, or would non-pregnant ppl find this annoying?

Question

Last week, my plus-size best friend begged me to accompany her to a gym that she recently joined, said she needed some 'motivation boost'.
I've been a regular elsewhere but went along anyway.
I also happen to be 34 weeks prego and I carry kind of small, so I guess I look more 'overweight' than 'expectant'.
This is also my reason for avoiding high-impact stuff that day.

As it turned out, she spent the day pointing at me and telling people, "See, if you call me obese, what would you call that girl there? At least I have the will to exercise, instead of sitting around doing easy stuff and pretending to be pregnant..."

I understand that she might be insecure, especially on her first few days at the gym, as she's never exercised all her life.

Call me selfish or insensitive, but I'm still kind of annoyed...
I do want to support her, but should I really go through all that each time?

Answer 1

Wow, that is no friend. How terrible. I know someone who puts people down to be funny and when this person is approached, they comment that I should be able to maturely take a joke. If you don't like people "joking" like that, you need to start pruning the weeds from your life. Think of it this way, do you want to raise your child to see that you keep friends like this and it's OK? Some might say, "approach the person and blah, blah." Maybe that will work, maybe you should, but the bottom line is you need to make a decision ahead of time that you're willing to cut certain people off if they continue to be abusive. You're already going through alot and you need support yourself. If you find yourself in that situation, comment something like, "The funny thing is...I AM pregnant! Wanna see my belly button?" Her belly button wouldn't look like yours. And you'll probably have stretch marks to show off. Make sure you wear those shirts that say BABY on it whenever you're around her and make sure to talk about your upcoming motherhood often. She'll get the picture if she doesn't respond to a one on one. And for pete's sake, if she needs to abuse others to get motivation to work out, she's working out for the wrong reasons. She won't be a better friend once she gets thin. There'll be something else...

Answer 2

You are not being at all selfish, insensitive or over emotional. You were trying to be a good friend in supporting your over-weight friend's choice to exercise. She didn't want to go alone and even though you are pregnant you agreed to go. So therefore you already have a gold star in my book because even by the 30th week of pregnancy you don't feel like going out much let alone to the gym, I can't imagine at 34 weeks. Then to make comments and saying that you are "pretending to be pregnant?!" I would tell your friend, "look you know that I'm pregnant, I have never judged you for your weight but when you make comments like I'm pretending to be pregnant and I'm more obese than you, I have issues. I'm not friends with people because of their weight I'm friends with them because of who they are, and if you were really my friend you would have taken comfort in the fact that I went with you and was supporting you not bringing me there to knock me down and make you feel better. If you're insecure about your weight that's your perogative don't bring me into it. I'm not going to the gym with you again, and if you're serious about losing weight then you shouldn't need me to hold your hand, especially if you are going to just use me as your target to bully." If she apologizes and realizes that you are right to be hurt and annoyed, then she is your true friend. If not then find some new friends, and believe me when you have the baby it will be easy to meet other mommies looking for a group to get together with their babies and hang out. You don't need people who don't support you in your life, and especially when they aren't making things easier in this last trimester.

Answer 3

Tragic. I would have been very annoyed, but unfortunately, that wouldn't help. I think if she ever pulled that stunt again I'd 'joke' back that insecurity shouldn't make her tell lies about your pregnancy. Yes, admittedly very passive-aggressive, it would still get the point to her in a way that would allow her to save face and not be embarrassed, and yet still let her know she's crossing a line.

Obviously she is very insecure, and she was stuck in the old trap of putting you down so she could raise herself a tad- it's not fair, but perhaps you won't ever see those people again.

It's not your hormones, and I'll admit I delivered at 34 1/2 weeks- twice!! I sure as heck wouldn't have been working out! I wanted to lay down all the time- and often did! You hang in there, and congrats in advance.

Cheers!!

Answer 4

You are not being selfish or insensitive, just because she is overweight does not give her the right to put you down in public. she is the selfish one, taking you along to gym when you are 34 wks and then trying to make herself look good by putting you down.
a real friend would not do this. You need to look at if you want this person as a friend. support is a two way process and you shouldnt make excuses for her behaviour i bet you didnt exactly feel secure going to gym either . Good luck , you need it with a so called friend like her!

Answer 5

You are not selfish, insensitive or hormonal! That's a horrible way for your supposed friend to behave. You're not "pretending" to be pregnant. She may be insecure about her size and lack of exercise but that is no excuse. You should maybe say that you don't want to go to the gym at the same time - perhaps that the time of of day doesn't suit you, you need a nap at that time.

Answer 6

No way. She isn't a friend if she is going to use you to make her self look better when in fact you are pregnant... I wouldn't have nothing to do with her... If one of my friends did that you better bet they wouldn't be my friend after that...Just imagine what she would say behind your back if she says that with you there....You don't need some one like that in your life. Personally that's what I think I can't stand people like that if i was pregnant or not. Tell her until she can grow up and stop making excuses and pointing fingers at others and lying that you don't think you should be friends. You go to support her and she downs you. I don't think so. But in the end do what your gut feeling is. Good luck

Answer 7

You shouldn't have put up with b1tchy comments from an insecure "false friend", pregnant or not! I am not a "Gym person", but I wouldn't ridicule anyone who came along with me! If you find yourself going along with her again, may I suggest that you take any Ultrasound scan photos of your baby and your Maternity notes so you can prove that you have a valid reason for doing "low Impact" exercises and to reassure the Gym staff!

Answer 8

No! No No No!

Friends do NOT do this to each other. I know that she is probably insecure about her size, but that's why you're there supporting her to get in shape!!!

That is SO mean and SO wrong of her. :( Shame on your friend.

My best advice is to sit her down and tell her that you do not appreciate that, and that you were there to support her. However, if she can not support you THROUGH HAVING A BABY then you have to continue going solo to your old gym.

Answer 9

What she did was wrong and you arent being selfish or insensitive. Now that you are her friend the best thing is to trully tell her how you feel and let her know that what she said hurt you and wasnt right. By doing this i dont think she will repeat what she did and said. Friends are supposed to be honest.

Answer 10

Hi, your friend must have some seriouse insecurites the way i see it is that she only wanted you to go so that she fell like everyone was looking at her.....if it was me id be pissed off your not selfish or anything coz if my friend said something like that about me and i heard her i would walk stright up to her and i would say something and walk out of the gym dont let her upset you on top of that your PG that really upsets me that your friend could do that