What do I need to do so that people like, and trust me?

Question

It's always the same story. A new job starts promisingly, and somehow, things deteriorate over the months, colleagues start avoiding me, and I find myself an outsider, feeling faintly as if I must have done something really awful, or be of pretty disagreeable character, to warrant such treatment.

And my theory is currently that I must be overdoing it with getting people to like me. Maybe I seem insincere.

Whatever it is - what kind of person do you like and trust? What are your criteria for someone like that?

Answer 1

Funny, I encountered the same phenomenon for quite a long time.

I could make up a lengthy analysis, but I prefer hitting the spot. From my experience, the primary prerequisite is to stop hoping for and relying on it. This might sound absurd, but it makes some kind of weird sense (excuse the pun).

There are people who are socially, long-term compatible with let's say more than 90% of mankind. Not surprisingly, there are people on the other hand who are compatible (in that sense) with less than 10% of mankind - and I have randomly picked those percentages.
I personally have found out which attributes make myself incompatible with most human beings, and I decided to stop messing around with it, trying to transform myself into someone else. Most interesting, once I had accepted that, people changed their behaviour towards me, to the positive.

And the conclusion is: It might help to stop trying to be the person you think other people want you to be, and just be the person you are. Sheesh, what a monstrous sentence in english.

She'll be right, mate.

LXP

Answer 2

I read your other questions concerning this issue, and answered some. You should read my answer to the one in German again. What you describe here is exactly the same problem I encountered when my family moved in 1991 from west to east Germany. First everything was fine, but then it developed into the worst time I ever had. I never used to know what was wrong with me, until I met a boy from school somewhere else, and had no choice but to talk to him or run away, which might well have lost me a new found friend. He found out that I wasn't so bad as everyone thought, and I found out what made the others hate me. Obviously the most liked kids hated me because they were jealous! I always had little difficulties getting things into my head. I often did my homework five minutes before class, or not at all, but still received good marks. And nobody dared to disagree with these kids, in case they would also end up as outsiders.

Answer 3

Personally, I think I would like you fine. You're a little strange, but that is a good thing. hehehe weird is the new normal. I can tell from your questions and blogs, you're an extremely intelligent person, and sometimes that is off-putting to the folks who aren't so much so. One of my friends in the past, a PhD and extremely educated, was popular with everyone from the guy who mowed the lawn and spoke very little English, to the professors at the college he worked with. I asked him what he did to make so many friends, and he said he talked to them all on *their* level. As I said, I don't have much trouble understanding you, but if your co-workers or colleagues are not interested in your fun stuff, maybe you could talk about their fun stuff, if they have any, that is.

Answer 4

It's because in your other question you said you fake your personality. Maybe they figure out you are faking your personality, and wonder what else you are hiding. Maybe you are a serial killer and throw the bodies into the lake that you live next to.

If you really want to know what is wrong with your personality, maybe you should go visit one of your past jobs, find someone there that remembers you well and that you trust, and talk to them. Tell them that you got the impression that you were not the favorite person there, and if there was something that you did while working there that upset someone. Depending on who you talk to, they may or may not tell you.

Answer 5

Wow, you have a handle on it. You seem nice and people like you at first but then you shock them with things you say. Maybe the insincerity comes from showing you are not interested in the other person, only in how you can get them to do something. It isn't your job to make everyone your friend. Well, the sad truth is most people don't care how we are. But people take advantage of those who are seeking approval. It shows. A few do care how we are. One, maybe cares alot. It's not enough "bad" to put yourself down over, in fact you are seeking to find what's wrong and if I were you, I sould start looking for what is right about you. When you add up all the good things, make a list of things you don't like about yourself that you would like to change. No need to blare it out to the world. Most things are left unsaid to people we work with and should be saved for those we are intimate with. Friends and wife are a good place to unload, if you prepare them for it. And you better be ready when they need a shoulder to lean on. If you brush them off when they need YOUR help,
You are history. It isn't easy at first to keep your life off the table. Just be yourself. People will like you for giving them attention. You must be a pretty decent guy. Those little defects you want to work on do not make you a bad person.
And , we never know what demons someone else has hidden from us, and most of the time we don't want to know. But I notice they handle themselves in a professional manner. Never, and I mean never, dis-respect a woman or let them know you have an interest. If they like you they will make the first move. Once they make the move they will love it when you treat them well. Never treat a woman with vulgarity. Never show jealousy or pettiness. These are true manly traits that will keep women interested.
Anyopne can be an ***, so most men choose that route. Then blame women becasue they want to be with decent people, call them names and scream like
small children, lash out and hit like an idiot.
Talk to women like you are in a chapel. Never be loud and obnoxious.
Good luck and rein it in a little, ok? Let us know.
People are always interested when someone wants to change for the better. They will be on your side here. But not at work and not with potential girlfriends. If intimacy happens and the time comes, then you can divulge. I hope that makes sense to you. Good luck
Hang on to that one good friend, many will say Oh, I know him. But not many can say, Oh , I was a friend.

Answer 6

A leader doesn't need to be domineering. A leader can be quiet like a monk not trying to be liked or overdoing it. Be as still and observing on the outside as you are on the inside. Why would you or anybody trust a smiling tiger?
You already have the answers inside, it's a matter of connecting and being comfortable with yourself - easier to say than to do.
What is your ability to cathect - people can tell.
"Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”
.

Answer 7

It's all about YOUR outlook on life. Believe it or not, whatever "vibrations" (or whatever you want to call it) you send into the world are what you receive.

You're right when you think that you may be seeming insecure to others...doing that just makes you more insecure.

This time, when you go back to work, be exuberant, happy, go-with-the-flow, paste a smile on your face and leave it there. When talking to others, don't be concerned what they think. Just be yourself.

Whatever you send out, you'll receive. If you act like a friendly, likable, amazing and fun person, that's exactly what you'll be. I know you have it in you. You just gotta let it shine.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Just try and be nice to them and if they are being you know what you are talking about just try and talk to them. Thats what i do because that is a normal thing to happen.

Answer 9

just change your screen name, and things will start to pick up

Answer 10

Earn it.