My son did the dirty on his wife, had an affair and walked out to live with his girlfriend.I helped my daughter in law to pack up and move to her home state over 1000 miles away to be with her family, she took my grand daughter with her.Here's my problem, my son-who refuses to talk to me except when he wants to be abusive (totally out of character I might add) is calling his wife and threatening all kinds of things, he'll fight for custody of the child, he'll set the law on her and things of that nature.My daughter in law is e-mailing me with the details which is upsetting to say the least.My son wasn't raised to be this way and every single one of his friends has expressed their disgust over his behavior. My problem is this, I'm making myself sick with stress over all their problems because I feel I'm being put in the middle. I don't wish to contact my son but I want to stay in contact with daughter in law. Without hurting her feelings how do I tell her I just don't want to know ALL!
2007-08-28 16:52:30 · 8 answers · asked by Sandtone 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just like you just told us...explain to her that you want to be supportive and you have been, but also let her know that as his mother this issue is tearing you up inside and it would be helpful to you if you could distance yourself from all of the gory details a bit. You're still there for her, you're still a loving family member, but there needs to be some boundaries set while the family tries to heal and adjust to these newly developing dynamics. I'm sure under the circumstances she'll understand, and you may in time grow closer as a result. Good luck to you.
2007-08-28 17:03:32 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm glad that you're not just taking your son's side but my heart breaks for you that your grandchild will be moving so far away.
I hate to suggest this, but do you suppose your son could be using drugs? A behavior change in behavior like this is characteristic of someone with a drug problem. I know because I've had some similar situations occur.
Let your son know you love him but will not tolerate his abusive, rude, disrespectful behavior. Explain how his ex was a part of your family, until HE blew it. Hopefully, it's not a drug issue, just some pent up anger from the divorce.
I wish you the best in a very difficult situation.
2007-08-29 00:04:07 · answer #2 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your son needs help. Don't get in the middle of there marriage. Keep in touch with your daughter in-law because there is a grandchild. If she needs help for the child that is ok. If you can set down and talk to her about how you feel. It is the best thing for both of you to be honest. Patches.
2007-08-29 00:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... That's something...
You should just be honest and let her know how you feel. Obviously you are not in agreeance with you sons behavior, but the most important thing would be your relationship with your granddaughter and to maintain a healthly relationship with the ex daughter-in-law to be in order to continue being in the grandchilds life.
I would tell you son that if he wishes to communicate with you then he should leave all the negativity out and if he is unable to do that to not speak to you until he can show you courtesy. He needs to learn to take responsibility.
2007-08-29 00:02:32 · answer #4 · answered by libragurl66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter in law is looking at you more then a mother a law. I am sure it is very hard for you to see your son act like this. I would let her know that you are not speaking with him as he only wants to be abusive with you as well. She is looking for you to fix him. I know you can't but, you need to tell her your sorry for all he has done, you did not raise him this way and would rather not know all the details as this is starting to effect your health. Make it know that you are not telling her not to call you. Good Luck.
2007-08-30 09:27:35 · answer #5 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you,nothing worse than being piggy in the middle.My son did the same crap with his fiance,and she kept on calling me and popping round,sometimes she would just keep driving passed to see if he was home.I told her if treats you like this now whats it going to be like when you are married.They will be married 8yrs come November and have a beautiful daughter aged 5 they seem happy thank god.Its like being between a rock and a hardplace,but whatever you do keep in contact with your daughter inlaw if you want to see your grandchild again,have a chat to your daughter inlaw about what and what not you want to hear.As for your son he,s just being an azz(sorry i know blood is thicker than water)does your son,s new girlfriend do any drugs,maybe your son is on drugs as you said its all out of character for him,and thats exactly what drugs do to you.I cannot think of anything to say to you that will make you feel better but always remember you are never alone,so you want to vent you vent.HUGS+XXX ps I thought you might like this...ill always be a little sad,yes each and everyday,and if the stupid sun would shine,to me it would be grey,ill always be a little mad,ill never have a clue,ill never really understand what normal people do,ill always be a little dead,yes even though i breathe,and when ive finally had enough.perhaps ill take my leave.
2007-08-29 00:42:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mother, you are quite a wonderful woman to help your ex-daughter in law as you have. Some issues, after we have talked as much as we can, tried to reason with our loved ones and tried to carry their burdens, there is only one sure fire solution - PRAYER. You need to pray and ask God to show your son the mirror, once God helps him to take a look at himself, he will not like what he sees and will want to change. Also ask God to help her to make the right decisions and have strength to bare your son until he changes. Truly, God hears a mother's prayer, I am a living witness. My daughter had not spoken to my Mom in 2 months, then God gave her a dream and she called my Mom and apologized - prayer works when nothing else does..
2007-08-29 00:12:42 · answer #7 · answered by Ann M. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good on you as an atypical mother in law! Most MIL are helping their son be dirty.
Kindly and gently talk to your DIL that you love her like a daughter but you have to get out the middle. She was betrayed and hurt. Talk to her woman to woman and redirect all her energy to legal counseling. She really need support, so be patient with her, K?
2007-08-29 00:04:20 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♥JDub♥♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋