How can you turn being a domineering person into a positive character trait?

Question

All my life, I've tried to hide the fact that I am a very domineering, even somewhat predatorial person, by employing a honey-sweet, meek demeanour, silken voice, and generally going through life like a buddhist monk on a mission not to disturb the fairies, or some such thing.
This hasn't served me well, as my true nature must have been shining through all these years, and people were mobbing me everywhere I went as a consequence.

I've had enough of this and would now like to make my true self part of my demeanour. So I am an evil ogre, so what. At least it's on the table.

But how do I do this in a positive way? Surely, there must be an advantage to being like that?

Answer 1

I face the same crap every day...I always have. I tried that same route back in High School because I thought the girls would like a caring, sensitive guy...bull! The Cure CDs and the faux-artist persona I adopted was utter crap. Once I got into the working world it was even worse. So I abandoned it and went with the true me...not that that doesn't change, but there are constants I know I am not going to shake off so I use them to my advantage.

a) I'm 6'0" & go about 265#...and it's mostly bone and muscle except for a bit of a gut.

b) I am naturally loud.

c) I have a long fuse but a very explosive temper

d) I am very sarcastic and sharp witted.

e) I am funny (or so I'm told) and generally likable.

So I throw all this crap together, especially when I start a new job or move somewhere. I want people, especially my employees to like me...so I joke around with them and get them all comfortable with me. Then one day (and I only need one employee around for this to work) I find something or someone in another department to rip into. So I pick up the phone and just chew into the idiot (who had it coming) on the other end of the phone. So this sets a prescedent and then my staff members usually never give me any ****.

I just had a large change over in my staff due to the fact that I lost a few great kids to college and graduate school and I'm hiring a bunch of new staff members. So in about a week or so I get to do the whole thing over again.

Here's another story...I work at a Destination Spa Resort. These people recruited me to run their Outdoor Recreation Program. So I go into the interview with a nice demeanor. The owners are all into chi, chakra, meditation, and mystical pan flute BS. I need a job because we just moved to the area. So I play the game and tell them what they want to hear. A week goes by while I'm fighting for an office. Finally one day I'm stuck in this office no one uses. The computer is all F-dup and finally, in front of one of the fitness attendants I take the broken, useless mouse and whip the sucker against the wall...disturbing everyone's yin-yang in the process.

Result: I had my own office away from all of the New Age BS in about 24 hours. Me and my staff come and go as we please (schedules permitting) and no one screws with us because they would rather just have us do our work well and leave us alone rather than face my wrath.

Strategically blow your stack. Make it freakin' count when you do. When it goes off have your ducks in a line too so when a higher up gets on your case you can roll out all of the evidence warranting your need to whip out the whoopass. And most importantly...don't be baited. People who know you are a badass will try to exploit that. My boss tried it with me today...instead I turned the tables on her and made her admit that she screwed up. I had the paper trail and called her on it. I did it by email because that allowed me not to blow up..and proofread what I wanted to say....it's all strategy.

Good luck with your newly found stones...glad to hear you were tired of acting emasculated.

Answer 2

Well you could get the Dvd The Secret. Or you could get some positive learning tapes. Change the music you listen to and hang around positive people with wisdom. I used to be the same at one stage and it didn't get me anywhere. What I found to become a better person was to treat others with respect and encourage them at what they do. I started to put more effort into others, and helping the people who cant help themselves through disabilities. I realized that I have legs and arms that work and they don't. I found the more friends you have the less enemies. Thats why I love the movie Barbour shop. Movies that have meaning towards others. I also become a champion at the weights and had to start respecting others in the gym as they looked up to me so I had to become a good roll model and respect what I had. Its a mazing how much power and respect you get for yourself when you respect others. All you have to do is change one thing that is negative and the rest will start to apply without you even knowing until someone says you are a good fella.

Answer 3

You can't change your basic character traits, but you can change the way you work with them. Putting up a show all the time never works. You are domineering? So what! That means you're good at taking responsibility. All the things you have achieved also show that you must be good at organizing things. That makes you a perfect leader, once you have learned to get along with others. Being yourself instead of trying to be liked helps, I had to learn that the hard way myself.

Answer 4

Hmm...
I've noticed that the domineering people are especially gifted at making people laugh. Try positively applying your dominant, agressive side to making your own humor. Think about it: comedians are the furthest people from being passive; they are assertive and go-getters. I suggest that you find your voice. Talk to many people. Be comedically and intellectually engaging. If you apply your agressiveness to humor, people will think your harmless after all, and will love your personality.
That's just my thought at the moment.

Answer 5

Why would you want to fake your personality anyway? Who are you trying to please? You should be yourself, and then you will feel more free to choose different friends who understand how you are. The people that are around you now, may not stick around you, but you will make other friends. I know lots of people who are loud, and rude - and they all have friends. Let your true self shine through

Answer 6

hey now, that shrek guy is an ogre nd hes a pretty good guy.,,
any way its called being assertive, not agressive, im sure your not a complete mindless animal
assertive is being upfront nd in control
theres passive, then assertive, then agressive, get the picture?its the golden mean.

Answer 7

Domineering? How about "I'm a leader"! Domineering is just one of those things that sounds bad. But being a leader? Now that's GREAT.

Answer 8

I don't think that there is a way to turn it into something positive, lol.

You would do best to actually attend some workshops to change what's inside, and merge the real you with the fake one into one normal person.

Answer 9

AWESOME ANSWER WILLIE!!!!!!!