Your Spouse tells you they are going on a trip to Mexico with a friend....?

Question

How would you fell? If your spouse told you they needed to get away with a friend to Mexico and not with you. The friend is going through a divorce.
Your spouse says she/he needs a vacation from you and the kids she/he has been working to hard.
You know that the friend is a party girl/boy and has that attitude what happens there happened there or never happened.

You tell her you object and it's not right....she/he gets upset and I do mean upset....It's the first time I will have had a trip with my friend I won't be able to do it again etc...I don't understand why.... It's not like I have asked you to pay for it etc....You tell her/him I can't go.... What you don't trust me etc.... I don't understand.... well we are married you don't need to go to mexico to support your friend... So you think it's right that you take a vacation and leave me and the kids at home....while your in mexico with your friend....yes it's not like i've done it before al the other times I took one of the kids to see my relatives.......so going with a friend makes this right...you'd say ok if it was my brother/sister...no and you going to see your relatives with one of our kids isn't the same as going to mexico with your divorcee friend who likes to party.....

It's not about trust.. It's about why??? Why does she need to take a vacation without me or one of our kids??? She has never done this in 15 years. Her excuse is the her friend is paying or so she says Im not sure im not aloud to talk to her for some reason and im not taking her.I've been a house husband for just over 2 years and have been unable to obtain gainful employment..I have been using up funds that I saved for just such a time all be it was suppose to be for retirement.I would take her for a 15th anniversary trip if she hadn't gotten us into a situation where I have had to use the savings that I had put aside for such a trip for something she wanted to have happen...theres not enough space to explain the details...I feel confused frustrated that all she wants is for me to give my permission.its not about permission.if she is going to go I cant stop her..II dont have to change my feelings...this is wrong..its not right a friend wudnt have a friend stress their marriage for this

still looking for answers

It's not so easy to say bye bye don't come back.

It's why is this happening she is being very secretive and that is what is so disturbing....she said she has booked off time from work Oct 07....but has given no information as to details.... it's not that I don't trust her it's just to much.....has to have my approval say wont go then is going then isn't etc.....emotional crap crying yelling profanity....it's all my fault not hers it's my fault I dont have a friend to go on vacation with....what wife or husband would in her/his right mind let their husband/wife go on vacation with a friend who is going though a divorce because there soon to be ex cheated and started to abuse narcotics.....

but like I said I can't stop her but I sure as hell aint giving my blessing....if she fells guilty about that now already before going sorry but doesn't matter that she says I could go on a trip like this if i wanted to....she just says that to get my approval if i were to do it she would be pissed

Answer 1

Tell her she can't go and that's it

Answer 2

I think everyone is being harsh here. First of all, is she going with a party girl or a party boy? If she is planning on going with a party boy then the harsh advice might be more in line. If she is going with party girl then, if you trust her, let her go.

Mom (especially a working-outside-the-home Mom) do spend all their time working and this steam builds up. Everyone needs to blow off steam. Some people do it in small increments (strumming a guitar, going to the movies (even by themselves) but every needs to do it. Some people do it all at once (fishing trip, hiking, cruise w/o the kids). This might work out such that she comes back with some renewed energy.

Divorce is tough. Her friend might really need her. Actually the reason for divorce might play a factor into the decision too. If ex-hubby was cruel and controlling (sound familiar) then the friend might need a break. If your wife's friend cheated on her husband then i would be more inclined to find a sitter for the kids and go with them or take your wife somewhere else or suggest another friend.

On one hand you can show you trust and love her and recognize she needs a vacation every now and then or you can be controlling and smother her and kill a little bit of the love she has for you.

Of course there are risks and only previous facts can tell you what those risks are. Have either of you cheated? Is she likely to abuse alcohol or other drugs away from you? Is she street smart (if you know what I mean)? Is she responsible? Is time to let her prove she is responsible? Can she really help this friend? Is she the kind of person will most likely keep this friend out of trouble too? Does your wife share that "what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico" attitude?

You could actually make a very wrong decision here so you need to cough up more history and more to the story or take it all in

Answer 3

I would say hell no! My spouse could comfort the friend right here at home because in a situation like that misery loves company. It's not about trusting my spouse it's about trusting the company He/she keeps. I would also feel hurt that our money could be spent on a nice trip we could one day share together! If the friend is a big party person I could only imagine what the friend might get my spouse into....Sorry but with the friends attitude of what happens there happens there I would not want my spouse with someone headed for a divorce and possibly put my spouse into a tempting situation especially if they would be in Mexico drinking and partying up all the time.The spouse knowing that you know the friends character would be totaly wrong in feeling that you would be comfortable with that!! Why should he even want to consider that you would be ok with being left behind and thinking God knows what he may be up to while he is gone. When you are married vacations to mexico should be something the married couple shares and not one of you running off with a soon to be divorced friend that is possibly looking for more than a good time.

Answer 4

Sometimes you do need time away from family and it's very hard to resist. The issue of money is not important. If you are a house husband, you shouldn't be spending money that you had earmarked for other things. If you are a house husband, you should be living on her income.
Explain to your spouse that she should be able to take that glamorous vacation but you're afraid of how much money it will cost. Also, tell her you are worried because her friend is such a party animal.
In the meantime, you should be considering at least part-time work because it sounds like you can't afford to be a house husband. Your retirement money should not be touched - it's for retirement!

Answer 5

Well if you don't trust her then you made a mistake when you said "I do". If she's feels what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico then you need a divorce. This was a bad marriage not based on love, respect and trust. Go with your gut! Whatever you do about this trip is up to you. But one way or the other things will be even worse between you two if you're there when she gets back. i'm married, if my wife said that to me..I'd buy her the ticket and say "have a great time..see ya. I'll be in Cebu until I get back...if ever". If she wants to be single...great!. Nobody disrespects me and expects me to take it. You can't make someone love, like or respect you. But you can, like, love and respect yourself. There's a whole world of loving caring people out there. I'm thinkin' note in her hotel inbox... "Have a great life and sayonora i hope it was worth it". A few calls to my lawyer and Realtor. Her crap in storage. A quick trip to the bank and a one way ticket to paradise I've learned some hard lessons in life but I can smell the beach at low tide with my eyes closed. Good luck

Answer 6

,the trip is not a good idea trust is 1 thing like going out for coffee would be OK but taking off for a multi-day trip nope if the friend has cheated on their spouse an that's the cause of the divorce , then id say no to the trip an confront the Friend about asking yer spouse to go along. this don't smell right to me

Answer 7

This doesn't sound like an innocent get away trip with a friend, so trust on your part isn't an issue at all. She wants your permission so she has no guilt afterwards. I would stick with the no, shes not going to like it and may give you hell over it but that ought to tell you alot. There are alot of get away things she can do without raising so much suspicion.
If she goes, tell her it can be her permanent vacation.

Answer 8

My husband goes away on business all the time by himself. I would be jealous, but I would let him go. I trust him and I know that even if the friend was picking up "chicks" my husband would want no part in it. I am very secure in my relationship and my husband and I do go on trips without each other. It does a marriage good to be apart.

Answer 9

what a convoluted question. why all the s/hes?

i think all of us need to get away once in a while and going on vacation with a friend is more relaxing than going with a spouse who has issues with u. maybe ur spouse needs a holiday from all of u and allowing s/he :) to go off alone will ensure they sort themselves out emotionally and come back recharged.

Answer 10

you need to tell your wife great you go and be back to meet a lawyer oh better yet so go on coud care less and get soemone to get you a good lawyer and document this whole this. who is dumb here its not you. i mean what do they think this is its not a relative and i doubt you wold be upset then its sad that they are trying to make you out the cluprit but its not right and you two both know it. shes stuipd to think you are that dumb. just let her go get somethign to bar her from the house when she comes back and get custody all before she comes back get a good lawyer and be done with her.

Answer 11

I'd say have fun in Mexico....and also say that when they get back they can plan on a divorce as well...... if they still feel the need to go say OK I will have your stuff packed up and when you get back you 2 can move in together.