We came from a religous family. My bro got married because his girlfriend got pregnant when he was 17. noone thought the marriage would last, but it did, but he has been unhappy for 30 years. He had an affair and his wife found out and went crazy. We dont talk a lot but I think the affair is still going on. I dont like his wife, she is a controlling sort. I wish he would leave her because he is not getting any younger and he should be happy, dont you think? He comes and goes when he likes and his wife is ignoring that he is never at home anymore. what should I do, I love my bro, but I know he is scared of what his wife will do if he leaves her.
2007-08-28 12:29:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like they are already "divorced" ... so I wouldn't say to much ...if he is already doing what he wants and his wife doesn't care ...well there is no problem ...I would let them go but if your brother wants a proper divorce and is worried about what his wife would do if he left her ...then don't !...get the wife to leave and file for a divorce ...she already know's about the affair so it wouldn't be that hard to get her to do this and if she has known about it and she ignored the fact then she will have to find another reason ...so give her one ...he has a right to be happy but he needs to grow some ba*ls if he ever wants to be ... but its up to him and not you
2007-08-28 12:47:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stay out of this. Do not enable him or support his affair. It doesn't matter if you like his wife or not. It's NOT your marriage.
He has made the choice to stay with her. He is not that unhappy or he would have left long ago. His relationship with his wife somehow works for him. His wife, the woman who he got pregnant and has his children. He must have loved her. The woman who gave him thirty years of her life. With all of this, he still whines about his life. She has rights in this marriage also. Of coarse she 'went crazy', he betrayed her trust. Most spouses would and do! . It hurts like hell. He had NO right to do this.
If he is unhappy, he has so many options to improve things. He could seek outside help (not another woman), try counseling, marriage seminars, etc. Or, he could file for divorce before he brings another person into the marriage. It's not fair to anyone involved. His wife may have given up on trying to 'control' him, as he has been indifferent and disrespectful to her rights as a person also, with his staying out and cheating. Sometimes, the easiest way to deal with neglect is to withdraw. I'll bet you that it has hurt her like hell over the years. It takes TWO to make a relationship work and it sounds like your Bro has done his share of damage.
He is a grown man. I don't believe he is so afraid of his wife, or he wouldn't be treating her the way he has been. He maybe worried about his finances. He will have to share the assets they have built over the years, that will include retirement funds.
You cannot look for someone ELSE to make you happy. You need to find that within yourself. No one else will solve all his problems. If he will not seek marriage, couples counseling, then he should work on himself in individual counseling.
2007-08-28 22:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by joyh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all your brother made the choice to marry this woman and they had a child together he thought that he was doing the right thing by her. He became unhappy and had affair with another woman he comes and goes as he pleases perhaps he is content with this. If he leaves what will he lose that why most ment stay for fea that they wife will get everything.
best of luck
2007-08-28 19:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who is in a similiar situation. You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink. While you love your brother, he is the only one who can change his situation. Maybe you need to talk to him more, maybe he needs to know he has your support. Obviously the wife is happy with the situation that he feels he can come and goes as he pleases. You cant live his life for him, he needs to find the strength to find his own happiness and all you can do is be there for support.
2007-08-28 19:48:07 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about your brother, but it doesn't sound like he's made his wife's life too easy either. I guess though in the end if he doesn't want to leave and she is willing to look the other way, I would too. Seeing as getting involved is not likely to help.
2007-08-28 20:25:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, there is a child involved. If the child is grown, I say he should leave. He deserves happiness and so does she.
2007-08-28 19:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by mab5096 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest personal counseling and be supportive if he chooses to share things with you about how he is feeling.
2007-08-28 19:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
But out, I think he's old enough to fend for himself, and the fact that you don't like the wife, your perception is off.
2007-08-28 19:35:50 · answer #8 · answered by Glinda W 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Both just need to get a divorce and get it over with.
2007-08-28 19:39:35 · answer #9 · answered by cfalways 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, these days it's "cheaper to keep her"...only he can decide if he's willing to leave.
2007-08-28 19:45:02 · answer #10 · answered by Empress1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋