Emailing his ex and telling her to fish in another pond good idea or bad?

Question

I have been dealing with this for over 2 years my B/F cheated on me with his ex, now the only problem I have is that she on occasion is coresponding with him via email, and this has happen since we have been back together he said he told her that we were back together, but to be honest I am not sure if she got it. I totally trust him the issue I have is that I have totally cut all tie with any of my ex's fling or whatever you want to call them while we were broke up. I feel that it should be the same. Should I email her and tell her how I feel? Just want her to stay where she belongs in the past no need for them to be conversing or chating anymore. I feel if I do this it will put my heart at easy and close the book, does this make sense? Or am I just being silly. We have a good thing and want to keep it that way. Please help letter is ready and waiting to send.

Answer 1

I hate to rain on your parade, but the one you need to give your ultimatums to is your boyfriend, not his ex. If your boyfriend truly loves you and cares about you, he's not going to betray you no matter if his ex comes dancing butt-naked to his doorstep while you're away. Similarly, if he doesn't love and care enough for you to stay faithful, then you can't write enough letters to all the women in the world telling them "hands off this man, he's MINE!"

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell HIM you want him to cut all contact with his ex, and why you want him to do that. If that's a conversation you don't feel you can have, or one you don't feel he will listen to with some respect for your feelings, then it isn't the ex who's your problem. It's your boyfriend. And the solution isn't making a fool of yourself sending some kind of "keep away from him, he's MINE now!" nastygram to the ex.

The solution is to get a boyfriend who loves you, cares for you, and respects you enough that you aren't afraid he's going to run back to his ex.

(Word to the wise-- it is NEVER a good idea to send someone a note or letter that might become an embarassment to you if it becomes public. If you do send your BF's ex the letter you've written, I can almost promise you that she's going to think it's howlingly funny, an indication of your insecurity, and will send copies and/or quotes from it to her 100 best friends, including your BF, and maybe even do something like post it on the internet. Think long and hard about whether you could live with the results of that before you post an nastygram. "Make the words you write today tender, kind and sweet/Because tomorrow they may be the words you'll have to eat.")

Answer 2

He cheated with her on you and you took him back , so that means you were willing to forgive and forget what happened and you dont hold any bad thoughts of them over it ?.

And now you find out they email occassionally and it bugs you so you want to send her an email requesting she no longer converses with him so it eases your mind?.

Honey it isnt going to put your mind at ease because thats not all this is about if your honest with yourself which I feel your not being, your worried he'll cheat again if she encourages it enough through their emails which is totally understandable .

Seriously the only person you should be discussing this with is your boyfriend because when she receives your email she's going to show it to anyone and everyone and their all going to have a laugh at your insecurity and inability to discuss it with your man and if anything it'll just force her to speed things up.

Explain to him how and why you feel the way you do and ask him if the shoe was on the foot how would he expect you to react and take it from there.

Did you take him back on baby steps or just jump straight back in without floaties on?.

Dont send it or your in for a world of grief.

Answer 3

Well, honestly, your problem isn't with HER, it's with your boyfriend. She wouldn't be emailing him if he didn't initiate the communication or respond to her. And if he cares about you and your feelings on the matter, respects and agrees with your giving up contact with your "flings", then he should do likewise if it means easing your suspicions (or just coddling your fledgling renewed trust in him).

Honestly, why is it that when a dude is the one who f**ks up, the chick goes after the other chick? I mean, you're not dating her--she didn't create the riff--your boyfriend did. I'm sure she didn't tie him up and MAKE him cheat on you. He did that well and willingly on his own. And now it is up to HIM to make sure you have nothing to fear from this other girl. She can't harm you or your relationship unless he's encouraging it. Geezly. And if you trust him so much as you claim over and over, you wouldn't even care that he has contact with his ex.

But you do. So voice this to him, ask him to respect your feelings on the matter. Ask him, even, to stop corresponding with her, for the sake of your renewed commitment to each other, at least until you truly DO trust him being in contact with her.

Answer 4

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about this because if you email her she could make you sound insecure to him and he might accuse you of not trusting him. It is not your place to send her an email. He should tell her to back off, which either he doesnt or he simply doesn't know it bothers you. Tell him it does and that you would like if they stopped talking. If they are just keeping in touch with the occasional email then theres nothing you can say. He is aloud to have friends and if u trust him this shouldnt be an issue.

Answer 5

Why is it that when a guy cheats, we want to pound the girl into the ground, but we forgive the guy?

Guess what? SHE didn't do as much to hurt you as he did. SHE didn't owe you any fidelity; HE did.

As for the ex, you sit down with him and watch HIM write her an email, telling her to "back the hell off", then watch him send it.

And remember, it isn't HER "conversing or chating [sic]". IT'S THEM. HE is talking to HER too.......and you're not jumping all over his a**?????

Answer 6

NO, don't send it. He needs to deal with it. she's his ex, and you just really don't want anything like that in writing EVER!
Just tell him how you feel, that you want her out of your's and his life for good and NOW!
But don't email her, it will just cause way more static than I think you want.

Answer 7

If this is really bothering you, and you feel threatened, you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him that you are not comfortable with her emailing him, and encourage him to talk to her, and tell her to stop. Then, he should get a new email address, and begin using that one. If he really cares for you, he will take care of the problem. If he doesn't see a problem with the situation, I see a problem with your boyfriend.

Answer 8

Tell HIM how you feel, and he should tell HER. If he's not behind you on this, you getting involved in a cat fight with her will only make you look like an idiot. If he IS on the same page with you, he should have no problem at all asking her not to contact him again.

Answer 9

All the answers posted are right on the dot. HE needs to email her and YOU need to watch him doing it.

I agree totally with lady phoenix.

Answer 10

You shouldn't send it. He should. If he loves you and knows this makes you uneasy then he should respect that and take care of the problem. If you send it, then you are the jealous gf and it won't be he who chose you, it will be you who pushed her away. Talk to him about it and let him know that it's only fair unless he would be happy with you corresponding with your exes.