My parents want me to get a divorce. Are they right?

Question

My husband and I eloped almost two years ago. He is in the Navy, I had dropped out of college at the time (not at all related to him, it was a personal decision). We had never "officially" been boyfriend and girlfriend, however when he came to visit we just decided that since we had been in love for so long (5 years) and neither of us cared about weddings and I didn't want to live there anymore we should just go ahead and do it. We called up a Justice of the Peace, got married, and I moved with him to Connecticut from Ohio. My parents were devastated. I was the Salutorian of my highschool, and their expectations for me are very high and strict. They have been trying to make me get a divorce since I got married. They have met him and liked him (until we got married). I am 22, he is 23 and we have no children. I adore him, but with the constant pressure from my parents, I am starting to wonder if they are right, and whether it is worth the pain I am causing them. Any insight?

Answer 1

Forget about your parents what about you how do you feel about your husband. I'm a mother so i can understand how hurt they must be but on the other hand you are a wife now and he comes first then you then your parents. If you do this to your husband you will regret it for a very long time. Think about this,picture yourself never seeing him or having sex or just having him next to you. What would you do if you find out he has gotten married again to someone very pretty,you better think long and hard before you do something I know you will regret. Everything your parents wants you to do can't you do while your married.

Answer 2

DO NOT LET YOUR PARENTS TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!!!

If this guy is a good man and you are happy, why should you divorce? So, you married a little young, so your parents did not get to share in your happiness. Here is what you might try:

Throw a dinner party or reception (whatever you can afford). Do not request or expect gifts, simply have a celebration of your marriage. The first toast of the evening should be an apology to your parents for eloping and therefore not allowing them the joy and celebration of your wedding. That may help to smooth things over.

If they refuse to attend this party, then sit down with your mom and dad and tell them you're sorry for eloping, but that you are happy with your husband and you are not planning on divorcing. Tell them that if they don't stop harrassing you about divorce, they will not see you anymore, which includes any future grandchildren. Walk calmly out of the house. If they are reasonable people, they'll call you within a week or so. If they don't, forget about them.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you are the youngest child, and your parents weren't ready to let you go when you got married. Trust me, I know; I'm the youngest too, and my husband and I did the same thing, for the same reasons, and I didn't tell my mom until two days later.

That said, it's your marriage, so ask yourself these questions: Does being married to him make you happy? How would you feel inside if you divorced him?

Your parents will get over your elopement, in time. Keep in touch with them, but try not to have a family until the rift has been completely healed. Good luck.

Answer 4

It's your marriage and they have no say so in anything. You are an adult and have every right to make any decisions that you may. Don't divorce him because your parents want you to, it just makes it seem like they still have full control of you (like when you were a child). If you love him and he loves you then why would you even consider it. There is no excuse for your parnets not to like him just because you guys eloped to get married. I understand where they are coming from but they shouldn't be pushing you into a divorce. If you're happy then why would they want you to leave him anyways.

Answer 5

Damn your parents! You are a grown woman dont go through your whole life regretting anything like that because your parents said so. They wanna live they life through you and worrying about what other people say. If he is really good to you and you two love each other sincerely then you have to make a grown woman decision and not listen to them. You gonna be 50 years old still living with your parents cause they dont want you to grow up and make your own decisions.

P.S. Time dont wait on nobody! Remember that

Answer 6

i got married at 21, my husband was 20. i'm now 26 and still happy with the decision i made. you shouldn't factor your parents into a decision about what is best for YOUR family. you and your husband (even without children) are your own family, just as your mother and father are their own family. they aren't still dependent on your grandparents for info on how to live, they make their own decisions.

your parents likely blame your husband for your quitting school, even though you say it isn't related. they probably don't have a problem with your husband, but more with your choices. they probably think you will go back to school if you get divorced so you can go on living up to their ideals. i would suggest getting back in school, but not to please your parents.

if you are happy with your husband except for your parent's meddling, then stay married. if you are happy not being in school except for your parent's meddling, then don't go back until you are ready.

you are probably creating a lot of this mess by even entertaining their comments. next time they bring it up, simply say, "mom, dad, i love john and we are married. i would appreciate it if you would respect my marriage and my husband." don't argue about it, don't try to convince them of anything. if you talk to them like an adult, rather than a confused child they will have no choice but to treat you that way. no matter what they say, continue to say, "i would appreciate if you would respect my marriage." it is hard to argue or disagree with that statement. if they still refuse, you need to take some time apart and stop being dependent on them.

when you have children, move, buy a house or any other major life decision, you have to be comfortable doing what is right for YOUR family, not your parents. please take this seriously, because failing to do so will set a bad precedent for any decisions you make in the future that your parents don't like.

Answer 7

You didn't say rather or not that you are in love with your husband... If you are then I think you need to take a stand and tell your parents to back off. They want you to divorce him... and then what? move home so that they can keep tabs on you? Keep you under there thumbs? You made the choice to drop out of college. fine, it's not the end of the world. You choose to become an adult, and now you need to act like one (no ofence) and stop letting your parents make you revert to a 10 year old.

Answer 8

Pain you are causing them?? Honey, you are a grown woman and right or wrong, you deserve the life you want. You need to be strong if you want to stay with this man. Frankly, even if you don't, do yourself a favor and never move back in with them. They have no business telling you to do anything, he's not cheated on you or abused you. Just because they want to blame him for your decisions doesn't make it right to try to bully you into doing something that isn't right. Breaking up a marriage to satisfy your parents isn't right.

You need to distant yourself from them. I would talk to your husband and if you two want to be married, then you need to present a united front. Tell them that if they cannot accept your life, then they cannot be part of it. And hold them at arms length until they grow up. Good luck to you, and try to get back to school if you can. You will need that to get by in the world if something happens to your husband. I raised my daughters to never be dependent on anyone, and to stand on their own two feet. You should take that advice.

Answer 9

When you get married (and I think it's in the bible or written somewhere important) your first loyalty is to your husband.
Therefore since you are a smart young woman I have faith in your decision, you guys were together for 5 years not days or months I think you will most likely be OK just not on your folks time table. I have to believe he is also a smart guy am I right? Have faith in yourself and stick by your guns.
I would maybe show them your plan for the near future (hope it includes going back to school!) that might keep them from wondering what you are doing it might calm them a bit to see you still have your head on straight.

Answer 10

I am a parent of 2 boys, and if they decided to elope, i would be a little hurt, but still understand that at that point in their lives, my telling them what to do is over. I would feel like I have an obligation to them to help support their decisions, because i would hope that I taught them well. You need to tell your parents that while you love and respect them, they are not allowed to speak bad about your husband. As long as it is a healthy relationship and not an abusive one. Good luck to you and your husband.