A poem "Crowded up there" Ode to the departed love?

Question

Enjoy if you will.

Crowded Up There

I don’t have long to tarry here,
My days are almost done.
I’m going to a better place,
I should have lots off fun.

I’ll shake off all the fetters,
That hold me to the ground.
I’ll get a set of pearl white wings,
So I can fly around.

I’ll look and see the ocean deep,
The mountains up so high,
I’ll watch the clouds beneath me,
As they go drifting by.

For in this life I cannot see,
There I’ll have eagle’s eyes.
And see the world as I soar up,
Up higher than the skies.

But I tell you to mourn me not,
The place that I’m to go.
Will be the best that I could hope,
Not one will err feel low.

I’ll make a place beside me there,
For crowded it should be.
I’d hate to miss you in the sky,
When Earth shall set you free.

yeah, Ronnie, I toyed with pearly wings, but chose the other. It seemed to me to have a softer sound, more like feathers than pearls. Although I kinda thought pearly sounded a little better in the cadence.

Andy, pour a lager and drink it for me. I can't have it at work.

Glad you liked it Simqueen, and I got no plans to die, even if I am 3 years oldern dirt.

Answer 1

Solid writing. Maybe "pearl white wings" is a little speed bump. (RLW is an unusual sound). You like "pearly wings"?

Answer 2

For you to have wings they could as easily be made of pearls as anything else. It might be some people's idea of heaven, but not mine. Go ahead with pearly, it fits the metre better. In your next to last stanza you err to say err instead of e'er.

I'll be there on the wings of that great speckled bird.

Answer 3

I'm not a fan of poetry but that was good. Can't deny I enjoyed it but I'm opening a can of lager now and watching some footy.
Poetry, yuk ! It's for women (joking).

Answer 4

Beautiful.

Don't die yet,
Make more pretty poems like these :)