We already have one child who is 7 years old. I have wanted another one for about 3 years and he refuses to let me get pregnant. This is what I really want. Just one more and he won't allow it. I am so confused, please help me.
I know my avatar name is Angel of Death, but I am very serious about this question. Thanks for all the help.
2007-08-28 10:35:49 · 17 answers · asked by Angel of Death says F-IT! 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have talked about it. He blames it on the labor and delivery that I had. It was not pretty. 24 hours of labor, and then the doctor realizes that the baby is too big. I had to go and have a C-Section. I explained that it would be a planned c-section this time, and still he refuses.
2007-08-28 10:51:50 · update #1
He knows the risks. He is a nurse. Everytime I try to bring up the topic he say's no and drops it.
2007-08-28 11:11:08 · update #2
Hi Angel,
This is a tough situation to be in. All I can suggest, is that you both continue to talk about this and discuss all the pros and cons of having another baby.
I really don't know your situation, therefore; it is a little difficult to make a suggestion that would work. I mean, how are things financially, emotionally, etc?
Talk to your husband and find out the real reason as to why he is so against bringing another child into the relationship. Maybe having a mediator involved, might help you guys come to some sort of agreement over this.
I do feel for you....and I hope things work out for you both.
Addition: If your husband can be persuaded, have him go to the doctor's with you so he can ask questions. I can totally understand him not wanting a child now....he is very fearful of putting you through all that pain and agony again. This man loves you and cannot bare to see you suffer.
You could always leave pamphlets lying around for him to find, so he can read up on this in his own time. Having said that, if he is still adamant on not fathering another child again, maybe discuss adoption.
2007-08-28 10:47:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
don't have another child. if he is unwilling, then he will be resentful if you get pregnant. that means he will resent you and probably the child. he will feel duped and ignored since you aren't taking his feelings into account. if both parents don't want a the baby, then it will be the ruin of the marriage to proceed with having one. you will be unhappy, so will he, and he may leave due to the unexpected, unwanted extra time, money, and stress of another child.
imagine if he wanted a 4th car and you told him time and again that you didn't. if he got one anyway, you would be resentful everytime you had to pay an insurance, repair, or other bill related to the car. you would be upset about the money and space the care was taking up in the driveway. eventually this resentment would spread throughout the marriage. you can always give back a car, you can never give back a child.
why would you want a non-cooperative co-parent anyway? be happy with the child you have and perhaps get a puppy if you just want something new, small, and cute in the house to fill a void.
2007-08-28 17:46:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would help if you knew why he didn't want anymore children. Is it financial? Did he want the child you have? Some people just aren't' cut out to have a bunch of kids. This is something that should have been discussed before you got married. If you can't agree, then I think it would be wrong to do it anyway. Maybe if you can get to the root of him being so against it, you may find your answer. Children should only be born if both parents want them (although, I bet half the population wouldn't be here if everyone followed this logic :o].
edited:
Have you tried having him talk to the doctor? It sounds like he is worried about your safety. Maybe if a doctor told him, he would be at ease. Other than that, I'm sorry, I really don't know what to say. Sorry :o[
2007-08-28 17:45:59 · answer #3 · answered by ╚╔╩╦ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is not an easy answer to give - by the sound of it he doesn't want another simply because he doesn't want you to have any comlipations, like last time.
Being a nurse himself isn't going to help matters either, because naturally he will think he knows better than you.
You want another baby because you want another baby - that is what your body and your mind is telling you.
I know it takes two to tango, but you both need to sit down and talk about this, and no one-sided argument either. If he really does love you, then he cannot simply ignore you and be unprepared to discuss it, and if his only reasoning is because of complications that may or may not arise, then you both need to go see a specialist - and he needs to leave his 'nurse-head' at home.
2007-08-28 20:40:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you plan on staying married? If so this has to be a joint decision, not just what you want. If you get pregnant and he did not want it ..... that's a can of worms that is hard to clean up.
You know what he wants? Do you really? Are you sure? Have you listened to his reasons for not wanting another child? Maybe they're good ones. Have you two actually talked about it or was it more of a fight or screaming match?
Listen to each other. Listen to each others fears and wishes .... not demands.
Kev
2007-08-28 18:01:54 · answer #5 · answered by Hobgoblin Kev 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There's more to him not wanting a second kid than just him being a nurse and using your labor as an excuse - you have to deal with it, not him. There is totally something he's not telling you. Do not have a second kid unless you're both on the same page.
2007-08-28 20:08:40 · answer #6 · answered by Empress1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough call. For anyone who wants to have a child, and the other does not, then what do you do. About the only thing you can do, is get him to open up and maybe you can convince him. I feel for you, and I do hope all works out for you, Angel. Peace!
2007-08-28 19:12:41 · answer #7 · answered by bikinybandit 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do women think THEY are the only one having the child. If that attitude would change, maybe more men would become emotionally engaged in the whole process of child rearing.
I know the woman carries the baby to term, but that is simply an outcome of the natural development of our species.
As for your immediate concern, if you want to satisfy your own selfish desires for another child more than you want this husband, divorce him and find someone who wants to father another child with you.
Forcing him to become a father again is not fair to him or the child who will end up being the "unwanted child."
Thrust me, I was the "unwanted child" and it was hell. It took many years of therapy to heal the emotional scars of that nightmare.
2007-08-28 17:51:24 · answer #8 · answered by Moose 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well you have to decide which you'd like better, a new baby or him.
If the baby desire wins, there are always other men out in the world who would have a baby with you.
I know that sounds harsh, but why not.
He's not giving you what your heart desires.
2007-08-28 18:19:07 · answer #9 · answered by Sumie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, I'm sorry. My dirty hippie won't knock me up again either. I think I'm going to start collecting socks or something equally as exciting.
2007-08-28 23:28:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋