A Poem....?

Question

Sheltered from a storm by an almighty eye
The love heat sweltered as i began to cry
And the storm ceased and fled from our view
Keeping warm in the loneliest dew

Whether i was the right one
Or whether i was wrong
Im just glad that you found
Somewhere to belong

And so i'll travel this wild world
Sleep in the darkness so meek and so mild
Just waiting for the morning to arrive
And see the warning upon those dusky eyes

Im a traveller, heart broke and attractive
I live for tomorrow but no future i have
For you have went on, gone forever
And nothing i do will keep this weather at bay

I'll love you forever even though no love shall return
And in this strange world i'll just continue to exist
My heart will glow and burn beneath this white skin
Hoping, praying i'll find the love again

Love you always
Miss you always
The best of luck to you
I'll always be with you

Answer 1

i love poetry, pretty cool man!!!!

Answer 2

Beautifully written. As I view this in my minds eye, I see the storm clouds of life, and finally, the sun breaks through.

During hurricane Ivan, the eye passed right over my home in the deep woods. Going out front after the wind came from the east, we knew we were in the eye, and it would not be long before the wind, spinning counter clock wise, would bring the wind from the west. We quickly went outside and looked up to see in the center of the storm, the moon lit skies and the stars.

In the midst of all tragedy, there was hope and peace.

Answer 3

As much as I have seen better, I have also seen worse. As said by others it does seem to lose its way a little.

The phrase as used by a commentator to remove yourself from the compulsion to rhyme; personally I would do what you do and enjoy it, as for whether it rhymes or not is nobodies business but your own. It seems some hold their noses snootily aloft when someone rhymes .... hilarious, if more than a little blinkered. Not everyone agrees that modern art is art after all. I would much prefer to see painted, vivid phrases than an arty-farty near-unreadable bunch of staccato.

Answer 4

Woof! You're all TELL and NO SHOW! This is prose - not poetry, which uses language figuratively to EVOKE images. Images, too, must be linked in a LOGICAL manner. You need what's called an analogy, a clear, visual symbol of whatever emotion it is you're trying to describe. Is it loss? Not a big one because you're already over it, apparently. 'Love you always' and 'best of luck'? Is this a letter to someone - ewwww! Again, YARF!

Get thee to the Roll & Shuffle under Losing Streak to explore the notion of mature loss: http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1835.

and do check out a few good how-to poetry manuals: http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1873.

Keep working... and determining whether the loss you truly feel merits a poem.

Answer 5

never never never never never never never never never never never never use the phrase 'the best of luck to you' in a poem. ever. i mean, what is that, a postcard? other than that, it's OK. no i can't lie, i hate it. but only cos it doesn't have much rhythm. the worst kind of poetry is poetry with a rhyme but no rhythm. it's a bit rubbish actually cos you can't tell what you're talking about. it's like a wasteland littered with descriptive, emotive phrases which don't link together strongly enough to form any sort of recognisable object.

Answer 6

I completely understand emotionally where you are coming from with this poem. I have tried endlessly to get out these feelings into a poem you have captured it well done

Answer 7

In truth its run of the mill Yahoo Answers poetry OK I guess but no more than that,

Answer 8

starts good - but loses flow midway through, return to it in one week darl & you'll know where to edit. nice one! x

Answer 9

Good effort, fella.
Try to get away from the compulsion to rhyme.

Answer 10

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
10,000 volts shot up its' bum,
and turned its' wool to nylon!