My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years now, and he has recently (for the past 8-12 months) started smoking. Many in his family smoke so it is no big deal to him, but I come from a family that does not smoke and I do not like it. I never wanted to date a "smoker" but he doesnt consider himself a smoker. I told him that if he couldnt quit I honestly did not want to continue to be together. He claimed that I was "taking away his freedom." He also says he will only be an "occasional smoker" and if I can't handle that then its my problem. Although he hasn't quit, he has decreased the amount of smoking he does. Is it fair of me to put our relationship on the line or what are my options here???
2007-08-28 09:33:15 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes! It does affect your health and you have the right to ask him to stop. Second hand smoke is a known health hazard, this is not a freedom issue. It was very stupid and insensitive of him to start smoking while in a relationship with you.
2007-08-28 09:37:59 · answer #1 · answered by Steve C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Fair? You have to call Jesus on the phone for that one. Important to you? Now there's a question you and only you can answer. Is this issue more important to you than the relationship? When you get the answer to that you'll know what to do. There is no right answer to this. It's personal.
Making demands puts you in the position of the "bad guy" in his eyes. Smoking would be so much fun if I could just do it freely without intervention from my girlfriend. You don't want to take this co-dependant role. Cigarettes will become a symbol of his anger at you and he will light up whenever he's mad at you.
If it's too big for you, break up with him. If not just let him know that you don't like it. Leave the room if you don't like to smell it. Tell him to smoke outside. Tell him you're not going to contribute to buying them. Take care of yourself but don't try to force him to stop. This will most likely be unsuccessful.
2007-08-28 09:49:41 · answer #2 · answered by LG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no options. Why do women think they can change a man? The only decision you have to make is if this is the kind of man you want. A man will do what he wants but you don't have to deal with it. If its important enough for you to use your relationship as a threat then you should walk away. Its a waste of time to bluff about it.
2007-08-28 09:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have two options: break up with him, or quit nagging him. You can't have it both ways, though. If you decide to stay with him even tho he smokes, you give up the right to nag....
2007-08-28 09:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by Dena 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it's fair, it's your health too. also if he's that serious and respectful of who you are, he should be willing to make some concilations
2007-08-28 09:40:28 · answer #5 · answered by bobbijo 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2007-08-28 09:38:03 · answer #6 · answered by Danny K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋