What to do next?

Question

i have confirmed my fears that my wife did leave the other night at 930pm & met up with a single man & stayed out drinking until 130am she first lied & told me she was with a girlfriend of hers then said she came clean & told me she was with this married guy friend of hers that I might approve of. now i have the phone records and have confronted her about it. she swears there is nothing to it however she has seemed so much more distant as of late. I gave her an ultamatum 2 get rid of this guy. i told her i didn't care if she told him get lost, ingnored him or lied to him but that she was to cease all contact w/him or if not we should separate. she agreed she would but is still being very protective of her cell phone. she has not laid it down since this conversation, even taking it with her into the bathroom for her shower last night. I am asking women to tell me, will she keep her word and break it off w/this jerk or should I call him & tell him to stop calling her?

Answer 1

She's still has contact with him or she wouldn't be so protective of her cell phone. Come on, you know this! Call your cell phone company and tell them to send you the most recent bill and check if you still have doubts. You can even check on the internet.

Answer 2

You seem very "Solution Oriented" so I won't give the standard "Leave her, she's shady" answer.
If you really want to get to the bottom of it, tell her that you're willing to go through some pain to make things right. Ask her to open up to you and tell you why she felt she needed to do this (note: do not try and get more details out of her, she'll be defensive. Assume the worst, and work from there).
Tell her that your trust level has gone down, but that for her to feel she has to go out there with someone else and lie about means she's obviously not getting what she needs either.
I know it sounds like you're taking the blame for her actions...but to be perfectly honest, sometimes we need to feel validated even when we're in the wrong.
If she can open up to you, and you can work on things TOGETHER, she will most likely be more ammenable to getting rid of this guy.
If she chooses to get defensive instead and try and excuse things as opposed to work things out, then you need to decide if you're ready to carry out your threat or not, and if not, make sure you know exactly where to draw the line so that you don't lose ANY self-respect.
Good luck.

Answer 3

She is the one catting around, so put the responsibilty where it should lay, on her.

First thing--cut off that cell phone! Have it turned off and make sure that she can not get it turned back on. Then, if you have credit cards, shut them down too. Then tell her that she has 1 week to make up her mind, can she respect you and be a committed partner in your relationship or does she prefer being a sl*t. At weeks end you will have your answer.

Don't allow yourself a moments weakness either. Stand proud and be the man that you were made to be--this is not the time for sensitivity.

Oh yeah, don't turn anything back on if she stays, make her earn her rightful place back.

Answer 4

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive...... Obviously she is not too willing to do as you ask... and what you've asked her to do is what she should be willing to do..... I'd say that she has no intention of leaving him alone.... I'm not sure it would do any good to call him either... after all I'm sure he is well aware that she is married and that doesn't seem to bother him at all..... however I think if you had his home phone number and he is indeed married, I would call and ask his wife if she knows what is going on.... maybe she will have better luck with him than you are having with your wife.... to be honest I think I would seriously consider kicking her out and telling her you want to spend time with him so bad then spend all the time you'd like but don't come home if you do..... That's what I would do.

Answer 5

Depends on if you still want her. Doesn't sound like she has stopped anything. She is just being more careful. Your fight is with your wife not the guy. Wait till she goes to sleep then get the phone & get in the car & drive away. Then park & search her phone for evidance. Or wait till she is in shower grab phone & run out of house then search. If you get evidance then stick to your word & leave. Stick to your word. Make sure that she understands that you aren't a push over.

Answer 6

Yes, he should be called and told if he see's your wife again he will be dealing with the wrath of a jealous psycho husband. And for the wife, she has given you reasons not to trust her and if she is concerned about gaining your trust back then she will hide nothing from you including her phone. You should also let her know if you catch them communicating again you will load up all her crap and dump it on his front yard. There should be zero tolerance for this garbage, don't let her turn this around on you. If she doesn't like it show her to the door. Hopefully she'll wake up and realize her actions will have severe consequences. Wish you the best.

Answer 7

Dude, she's not going to respond favorably to your ultimatum. I'm sorry. She's going to have to realize for herself why being with another man is wrong. You may have to separate. Or if she's worth it, go to counseling. If you call the other man, it might blow up in your face. Men seem to thrive on taking someone else's woman, especially if they don't have a woman of their own.
And the fact that you left the decision up to your wife, you're really on the losing end of this thing. It shows some of your insecurities. You might have to sit and wait until she gets tired of cheating on you. I'm not being cruel, I'm speaking from experience. If you were going to leave, you would've done it when you found out.

Answer 8

Nobody knows for sure, but her. I think you are going about this the wrong way, though. By confronting and threatening her and sneaking around behind her back to "catch her" you have made her distrust you. Nobody can build a happy marriage without trust. Thus, your marriage is doomed UNLESS you find a way to both trust again. I suggest marriage counseling. If you don't go, you will end up divorced.

Answer 9

What is calling him going to achieve? If you want to make yourself look pathetic, sure, go ahead and call him. If your wife wants to stay in contact with him, there's not a damn thing you can do. Give it some time, and take her word for it. Hopefully she'll wrap it up soon. Keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Answer 10

I am having similar problems.

Trust issues is the number 1 thing in my book.
His phone is my name.
I pay the bill.
And his ex keeps calling!
He use to call her at all times of day and night including early morning.
I have not seen the new bill.

don't know if I really want to.
He takes phone everywhere.

YES I DID TRY CALLING HER ONE NIGHT WHEN HE WASN'T ANSWERING ME.

SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT ANY THING TO DO WITH ME.
FUNNY THOU HE CALLED ME WITHIN 60 SECONDS. i have the phone bill to prove that. he said she called him and told him that i called her.

wait wait he answered her call AND NOT MINE. yeah right. and I was just born yesterday.
HE was sitting there next to her and I know it my gut tells me.

I told him to change his phone #.

she is ruining our relationship.
he changed his phone #.

5 days later she is calling with her # blocked.

So when i get the phone bill. He told me I know this (she is the only one who calls me with a blocked #)

I don't know what I am going to do.

But I do know if you don't have trust you don't have anything.