we are in a crisis ! what am i goin to do? cos if she gos for it,we go way in to deep !we are up to our eyes in debt as it is! she will blame me for not letting her no matter what! we are coming up to 25 yrs married next year!
2007-08-28 08:47:43 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If the dental work is necessary, rather than cosmetic, and having it done now will save pain in the future, and for whatever reason it cannot be done on the NHS, then it is probably something worth stretching yourself for, but ask your wife what she is prepared to sacrifice to do this, as it is for health reasons, you should be prepared to sacrifice something too, say not going away as often, not so many meals out, or cheaper venues, not so much spent on shopping for a while.
If the dental work is cosmetic, then you cannot afford it and it is not worth going into hock for, no matter how much she wants it done. You are already in debt and are struggling, doing this would be crazy, so do not do it.
It is all to easy to keep borrowing against your house or any other manner of loans and credit that are now so freely available. My ex husband borrowed heavily against our home and business, I did not know about it, he told me it was a personal load. We lost everything, and I was made bankrupt. I think your wife would regret having cosmetic dental work done if you were to lose your house.
It is time you both realised that you are way over extended, and that if anything, you need to concentrate on reducing this debt somehow, then saving for things like cosmetic dental work and holidays. Do not borrow any more money, for this or for anything else. Congrats on being married for 25yrs, but you will have to put your foot down on this one, if she throws a strop, just keep explaining to her that from now on its only necessities, and cosmetic work is no longer a necessity. If she complains that she works too, pays the mortgage too and has a right to spend money the way she wants to, explain to her that both of you are going to have to make sacrifices if you are to reduce your debt, and that you absolutely cannot afford to borrow any more, against your property or otherwise. Good luck.
2007-08-28 09:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Tefi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This is a tough one. As the husband it is your responsibility to say "no." to the things that are going to hurt your family. In this instance it is hard, because you haven't been saying no to other things and now, this "need" comes up. Think about these things. Is what she getting needed right now? (Cavities, etc. yes cosmetic, no). If so, how little can you do now and do the rest later? Then you need to talk to your wife and tell her you love her, but in order to afford the rest of the dental work, some things will have to be cut back. Then get to work. Show her the budget and inlist her to help you stick to it. Good luck!
2007-08-28 15:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by Brain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to pull Money out of your mortgage you can probally save some money! Shop around for a refinance of you home and try to pay off some debts and get cash out. Your total monthly payment will be less and she can be happy! Just something to think about
2007-08-28 16:45:29 · answer #3 · answered by dave s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have sat down and discussed this with your wife and she still wants the dental work done couldn't you just get dental payment plan if it is that serious. You will be having your 25 anniversary soon don't let this spoil your happiness you and her have shared together.
best of luck
2007-08-28 15:59:42 · answer #4 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
25 years my man u should use that money to celebrate the 25 years you two were married not on her teeth that is why i think. try talk her out of it or at least to post-poned it when you guys are in a less tense situation well it is your choice so i cannot really argue just give you some advice
2007-08-28 15:58:02 · answer #5 · answered by ROCK LEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she needs dental work, you have to find a way to pay for it. If not on your mortgage, then ask the dentist to take installments. Dental care is as important as medical care. It has to be a priority.
2007-08-28 15:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it necessary work to preserve her teeth or is it all cosmetic, meaning it won't effect the health of her teeth to get it done??
If she needs it to preserve her teeth then find a way to make it happen. My back teeth are in bad shape and believe me, if we could add to our mortgage to get them fixed my hubby would have no issue with it. He knows how much they get to hurting and bothering me. But if it's all cosmetic and not medically necessary then she can wait.
2007-08-28 16:07:30 · answer #7 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be wrong, but I thought you could only increase your mortgage for things to do with houses - extensions, new kitchen etc. Check with your mortgage provider - she may not be able to borrow the money for her teeth anyway!
2007-08-28 16:41:49 · answer #8 · answered by mad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is the dental work cosmetic or for medical reasons? Even if it is cosmetic, if it is causing her to be depressed this will alleviate future problems. If it is just vanity, then I would suggest you don't sign anything!!
2007-08-28 15:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by pirate_princess 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
best answer is use Hsa start saving with them they do a separate dental plan cost about £6.00 a week after a few months tell them she needs treatment. problem solved
2007-08-28 17:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋