suicide of good friend, having troubles accepting?

Question

My dear good friend commit suicide over the weekend for god knows what reason. I personally have never dealt with a death of anyone close to me, and here I sit - mentally incapable of functioning on my day to day. I am not able to attend her funeral, as it is states away, and no time to get a plane ticket to match my budget. I feel as if I am not going to be able say a good bye, as my last words to her were talk to you later babe, love ya. Im not sure how to deal with all of this, or deal with the fact of never seeing her smile again. It;s only been 2 days, and it feels like eons. I miss her so much I cant stand it. What is a good way to cope with a suicide death. Should I be considering therapy for something like this ? Any help would be appriciated.

Answer 1

I don't have any advice, but I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you can come to terms with what happened.

Answer 2

This is a hard question to answer for a complete stranger but I will try to help. The loss of a dear friend is never easy, not being able to attend a memorial service makes it even harder.( I recently lost my Granny and could not attend hers so I know how that feels.) But keep in mind that you don't need to attend a service to say goodbye. You can still talk to her and tell her anything that you feel may have gone unsaid and rest assured that she does hear you. You will always miss and love your friend and there won't be any specific moment when you feel that you are "better" but as you will hear many times, time will ease the pain and you will find yourself enjoying life again. Also keep in mind that everything happens for a reason and you will emerge from this a stronger person. You can also talk to other loved ones or friends, talking about it will
help you to get your feelings out and get you on the path to healing.
Take care and chin up!

Answer 3

I'll try to answer, although this library usually won't allow writers to say anything even slightly controversial. Who knows if suicide falls on their "bad list."
But let's try: People who kill themselves just don't realize how loved they are, and how many innocent friends will be devastated by their decision. And I personally believe they arrive at a place in which they are horrified because disturbing-looking beings aren't ready to forgive them. All things considered, it was a horrible mistake made by your dear friend. The sad thing is that your friend could have told you that she's been horribly depressed. You would have tried anything to discourage her from letting it conquer her.
I do not believe in professional therapists. It's a personal grudge, and I tend to distrust ALL manner of professionals in the mental health area.
Here's the advice I'd give to anyone in your position: Find an older female in a church, and pour out your story. It is always risky, because you might come across a rather cold fish who isn't loving. But keep telling your tale to persons of your gender (female) and middle-aged. A church is the most likely place to find her. In time, someone will give you the comfort you are seeking. Your words, "I miss her so much I can't stand it," are touching to my heart. It seems that Jesus Christ spoke a lot about how to heal the broken heart. Why don't you read the four gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- and note how often people dealt with personal loss?
Losing a loved one to death is agony, especially when it did not need to happen. I shall pray for your needs today and tonight.

Answer 4

Firstly, I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. My condolences.

I don't think that there is one way and one way only to deal with this. Everyone deals with death in a different way. Some can move on rather quickly knowing that death is just a way of life and others get stuck and can't let them go.

I know what you mean about feeling like you can't really say goodbye because you can't go to the funeral, but there are many other ways to say goodbye. Talk to her in your head, out loud, or write her a letter. Anything that lets you get everything out.

As for therapy, I think you need to decide if you want to do that.
Let time do what time does best and take it from there.

I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

You won't go wrong if you opt to go for counseling regarding this. You need a good therapist who specializes in grief counseling. It can be hard to get over something of this nature. But you can know this. Your friend is of another world now and can know what is in your mind. Her spirit may even visit you. Don't be afraid of this. I wouldn't tell the therapist about it though. They tend to think that sort of thing is crazy. It isn't ! Your friend knows what you are thinking and feeling concerning her passing this way. It sounds like the two of you were pretty close and she may contact you in some way that you will know it was her, a smell, a dream, even a vision. Don't get all worried that you have lost your mind. Spirits do exist . But with all the other things, get in to see a counselor who does grief counseling and learn how to get through this shock and loss. I am so sorry you had to lose a friend this way. It is so tragic. Best wishes to you. This too shall pass.

Answer 6

Oh, honey, I'm so very sorry.

If you can get some temporary counseling, that could help tremendously - please consider if you can make that happen.
Regarding missing the funeral, tho ... you can make a memorial to her yourself, by yourself (if there are no other friends or persons who'd like to be involved). Think of the things you two did together, or how you talked on the phone or wrote notes. Think of what she liked, what you liked about her. Write down all these things on paper. You can make a ceremony that is unique and special, it can serve as a tribute to her (from you) and as a way for you to process the tragic event. Use a table or counter like an alter, put things there to honor her. Flowers, pictures of people, places, things she liked (brands of candy, food, drink). A picture of her. Anything visual that relates to her and her relationship with you.
Play music that feels right to you for that ceremony. Whether alone or with others in attendance, read aloud or silently (whichever feels most right) from the list you wrote. Also say things about your confusion, pain, sorrow, missing her, etc. Then have something metal (cookie sheet, frypan) to burn the list in (metal so nothing else catches fire), the burning of which is symbolic of the meaning on the paper rising to god in heaven.
You can design the ceremony to be any way that feels right in expressing yourself and your devotion to your dear friend.
My heartfelt empathy is with you.

Answer 7

Suicide is the most selfish act a human can commit, because it basically wreaks havoc on everyones' lives who knew that person. Most people who commit suicide don't stop to think not only what they are about to do to themselves, but also the repercussions it has on everyone else.

You just have to remember that what she did was not your fault, and she obviously had some serious inner turmoil that she couldn't deal with.

I would just talk about it with loved ones as much as you need to, I am sure there are a ton of others that feel the same way as you do. Though, i think that you shouldn't have to pay for therapy to deal with this grief, if you feel like you need it then go for it. What you are going through is no easy task. Time will heal all wounds, and hopefully this will pull you and others closer together.

Answer 8

You should go to therapy. It is very hard when we lose a love one. If you cannot attend the funeral talk to her parents or who ever is planning the funeral and ask if they could have a momorial service where you live. I know what suicide can do to a friendship, I lost my good friend too. You cry and cry and don't know what will make you feel better. Over time you heal and you remember the good times you had with them. It hurts you so much, but you will get better. Thearapy will make it better. Maybe you could get together with someother friends that were also her friends and share stories about your friend.

I am very, very sorry for your loss and god bless you and your friend.
~Carolyn

Answer 9

Absolutely consider therapy. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Dealing with something like this is traumatic and you need all the help you can get right now. Talk to your friends, if you have clergy turn to them, talk to your parents... and most of all, remember the great times that you had with your friend. There is no way to put a positive spin on this, but the fact that you told her you love her is a great thing. She knew that you cared for her and so often we don't tell those who we're close to that they mean so much to us. You did that.

You'll never forget her, but over time you won't feel the same pain that you're feeling right now. I've never had a close friend die so I can't say that I know what you're feeling, but I can only imagine how I would be if one of my close friends passed on. I know you'll pull through this. My heart aches for you and I hope that you'll seek out the caring arms of your friends and family.

Answer 10

i'm sorry for your loss and i want you to know i've been through a very similar situation. i had a close friend of mine commit suicide in february. i was not able to attend his funeral either, due to bad weather. i know it's hard right now, and i hate to say it, but it will be for a while. time is going to heal you, though. everything happens for a reason, and you have to understand that this is what your friend wanted- to be in heaven. suicide is the worst way to lose someone. i know what it's like to feel like "well, what if i called her?" "she may have been there if i was talking to her." you have to clear those thoughts from your head, because after a while, you simply realize it happened for a reason. there's nothing you could've done to prevent this, and this is what god wanted too. music is a good way to let things out, whether you write it, or just listen to it. you may feel better if you make a memorial page for your friend too. http://www.memory-of.com/Public/ is a great site if you wanted to do something like that. you might also want to consider therapy. my friend committed suicide during the school year, so there was always some sort of counseling open to us if we needed it. the best thing you can do right now is rely on your friends, especially friends that didn't know her too well, and also the ones that did. it is very important you're hanging it with both, trust me. you're never going to forget your friend, and she'll always stay very close to your heart. my deepest sympathies go out to you and her family, it's horrible going through something like this.

Answer 11

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. We have precious few in this world, so when we lose one it feels like the world is caving in around us.

Therapy will definitely help, but as someone else said, so will time.

Don't beat yourself up wondering if there were any signs that you missed, or if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Sometimes people make poor decisions and leave the rest of us to pick up the pieces.

Your employer (or your husband's, if you're married) should have an employee assistance plan. Usually you can talk to a counselor for free for a session or two, then they'll refer you to someone else if you need additional help.

But focus your time and energy on the positive things in life...your kids, your pets, and mourn the loss of your friend properly, but don't dwell on the things that you cannot change.

God bless you.